Friday, August 22, 2008

Something's Missing...

It's not my car keys...and my cell phone is right here...what is it? Oh yeah--my KIDS!

My children stayed over my mother's house last night (bless her little soul) so that I could go to a meeting this morning and work this afternoon. They will also be there overnight tonight (OH MY) so I can work tomorrow, and I will pick them up in the early afternoon tomorrow. This is the longest I have been away from my daughter in a while, and it is one of the first times in a VERY long time that I get hours at a time to myself when I don't have to be working. This morning I woke up at about 8:30 (oh, the life of leisure!), did some random cleaning and put myself through the requisite torture with Jillian Michaels (which was much easier today, by the way, even though my bum and thighs are STILL so sore I groan when I get up off the couch). I did some work on the computer, commented on some blogs and checked my e-mail. It was as if I was some single lady living the life of her choosing at her own pace--what a concept! It is amazing what you can get done without a toddler pulling on your leg, getting under your feet or whining for you to be "ALL DONE COMPOOTER!"

I can't really wrap my head around the fact that I have all the rest of today, and all tomorrow morning to myself. Yes, I do have to work during this time, but it is going to be (drum roll please) QUIET! I am not sure if I can work under these conditions anymore, having become so accustomed to the racket and chaos my two children create every day. I can also work out when I want to (damn, no excuses now!) and could just decide to spontaneously pick up a book and read something other than snippets of blogs from my blog reader.

My husband is going out tonight, so I think that in having the place completely to myself I will get drunk on some good (but cheap) shiraz, put on my most comfy sweats and do some stuff that I never do for myself. Perhaps a facial...maybe a pedicure. Definitely renting a movie just for ME that doesn't involve any cartoon characters, large guns or big boobied women. I am NOT going to cook. I am NOT going to do any dishes. It might just be the most perfect night ever!

The weird thing is, though, that I kinda feel strange. Good, but strange. It's almost as if I am missing a limb or have suddenly lost about, oh say, 70 pounds. (Which should feel great, shouldn't it? Not the missing limb part, the losing 70 pounds part.) But when it is the best 70 pounds of you, in fact that CAME from you, it makes you feel a little bit un-whole. A little bit like someone came and scooped out an important part of who you are. I keep looking around trying to find what's missing, but I can't find it. It's not car keys or a cell phone, it's my kids.

The fact is, I like pretending that I am a single girl about town without a care in the world, but that's not me. That was me 10 years ago, and since then I have gained some very important "weight" on my shoulders and life just isn't the same without it. I am going to enjoy my little vacation from the responsibility and insanity of being a mom, but I must admit that when I pick them up tomorrow afternoon, they will fill a void in me that shouldn't remain empty for too long. I wouldn't want to lose that weight completely for anything in the world.

Now is when you say "AWWWWWWW..."