Monday, September 28, 2009

Beyonce, Eat Your Heart Out...

I have to post this because I am just amazed at the pure, raw talent that my daughter possesses already at 3 years old. But I would like to preface this by saying that it was HER idea (even the leotard and the patent leather shoes) and I am NOT going to be a stage mom.

With that being said, enjoy! May it bring a smile to your face on this Monday!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Happy Birthday To Me

Today I am 30.

I started out like this:

I wish I looked like this:

But I actually look like this:

And that's OK, because I have this:

Not bad for 30 years, if I say so myself.

Monday, September 21, 2009

There is a God, and He Created Slimwear

How have I not realized that there is a product out there that could have completely changed my life three years ago? How could I have not been schooled in the true miracle that is slimming shapewear? For realz ladies, my life will never be the same, and it is all because of these:

Why there is not a mandatory class on slimming foundational garments for all women over the age of 18, I will never understand. I am reeling at all the form-fitting dresses and awesome jeans that I could have worn all these years, with nary a bulge or muffin top. They are comfortable, completely discreet and come in a variety of colors and styles to compliment any wardrobe and make you look smokingly slim and firm.

I am in love.

And all because while lamenting over the muffin toppiness, I decided to try using my belly band from when I was pregnant to see if it sucked things in enough to smooth out the bumps. And it did. And that got me thinking...maybe there is a garment made specifically for this purpose NOT for pregnant women, but just for us chubby mommies who need a little sucking and tucking in. I knew that there were corsets and other torturous equipment out there, and I had even heard of Spanx, but strangley thought Spanx were something completely different from what they actually are...don't ask. But I really didn't know that there are DOZENS of companies that make these camisols and body shaping thingies that don't suffocate you nor make you look like an old lady.

Oh, how naive and ignorant I have been.

The best part? They are not that expensive! But, honestly, I would pay through the nose for anything that made me look thinner. Seriously, these things take off at least 10 pounds and smooth everything out.

I am wearing one every day. I am wearing one to bed (although I am interested to see what happens the first time hubby tries to undress me while I am wearing one, cause really, they are kinda like sausage casings and I have to pull out my best contortionist impression when donning it and removing it myself...). But it's a small price to pay for banishing my muffin top.

So ladies, if you haven't checked out these miracle garments, please do. You will thank me for it when you are strutting around town in your skinny jeans with confidence.

By the way, nobody is paying me to endorse this product in any way shape or form, I just felt I needed to share this new discovery with all the other moms or muffin-topped ladies like me out there. How about you, what is your beauty secret you just can't live without?

I am reeling about all the things that could be out there that I don't know about.

A product that removes cellulite and simultaneously charges your ipod perhaps? A cell phone that prevents wrinkles? Come on ladies, don't hold back on me--DISH!

Friday, September 18, 2009

If Anniversaries Were Nickels, We'd Have a Quarter

Today marks five years that I have been married to this guy here:


I can't believe it. A lot has happened in the past five years.

**We moved in with my in-laws**

**We bought a house**

**We had a baby**

**We fought**

**We made up**

**We loved**

**We yelled**

**We kissed**

**We laughed**

**And we cried**

But with everything that has happened in the past five years, one thing has always been for sure.

We have done it together.

Here's to many, many more, my love.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Farewell to Sex and The Suburbs

Well, sadly, today is the last Sex and The Suburbs column for me over at SexIs Magazine. Apparently, the boss is making some changes and I was one of them. So Sex and The Suburbs is no more, and yeah, I am a little upset. I might have even polished off a box of wine and eaten a humongous caramel apple covered in chocolate chips the other night in my misery.


However, I am still writing this book, come hell or high water, and I still need all the help from moms that I can get. So I will be starting a Sex and The Suburbs blog that will be devoted to writing about and discussing all the issues involved with sex, motherhood, relationships, and marriage. I plan to do interviews with other moms AND dads, have great guest posters and allow everyone to interact through comments and maybe even forums.

So moms and dads, if you are looking for a great place to talk about issues surrounding your sex life, in an open, honest place where nobody will judge you, learn about other people's interests and issues and be a part of creating a revolutionary book on sex after children, then keep your eye out for the big unveil, coming soon, hopefully within the next month or so.

Thank you all who supported me and read the column over at SexIs. And if you would like to send an email to the powers that be over there about the cancellation of the column, you can email

Rock on.

Friday, September 4, 2009

A Day Late And a Dollar Short

I meant to post about Baby Girl's first day of preschool yesterday but didn't get around to it because of various craptastic life occurrences, so you get it today instead!

Actually, there isn't much to tell...we both did awesome!

Here she is posing with her backpack that threatened to tip her over when she put it on:

She insisted on bringing her Baby Jaguar stuffed animal AND her ceramic cat that she painted at Plaster Fun Time, so with her lunch, snack, extra clothes, and water bottle, I am pretty sure the bag weighed about as much as her.

Here she is, before she practically RAN to the car. Can we say excited?

There were absolutely NO tears, and she probably wouldn't have even said goodbye to me if I hadn't made her kiss and hug me--twice. I was a little choked up walking out to the car but as I drove away, the tears didn't come. Instead, an immense relief at having four hours of no children washed over me and I became sublimely happy. And knowing that she was having a blast made it that much sweeter.

My Baby Girl is growing up. And I am OK with that.

What I am not OK with is that she has been licking everything today, a behavior I can only assume she picked up from preschool yesterday. That I could do without. But, we take the good with the bad, right?


By the way, head over to and read my article on male birth control and let me know what you think. Do you think men should be trusted with the contraception? Leave me a comment with your opinion!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Not Very Wordless Wednesday: Third Grade, Here He Comes--Hold Your Nose!

I wasn't allowed to take pictures of him at the end of the driveway.

He insisted on picking out his first day of school outfit, complete with skulls on the front of the shirt AND the back pocket of the jeans.

The other day he had actual REAL manly B.O.

I almost cried as he walked off to the third grade today.

But then I reminded myself that he still needed me to tuck him in at night...even with stinky armpits.

Check back tomorrow after I drop this one off at her first day of preschool:

It's going to be an entirely different story.