Monday, August 18, 2008

My Butt Isn't Getting Any Smaller

I did not work out today. Just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. It has probably been at least a month since I did, something I am not proud to admit. I have had very good intentions of working out, really I have. I swear. It's just (turns on whiny voice) so haaaaaard. I am finding it extremely difficult to motivate myself to find even 30 minutes during the day in which to get my butt moving to burn some calories. This, in my opinion, is pathetic. I should be able to squeeze in 30 minutes, shouldn't I? But I just keep finding myself using those 30 minutes to do ANYTHING else that needs to be done (or doesn't actually NEED to be done, such as obsessively blogging). I am not sure what happened to me. I used to be a pilates instructor for Gary's sake! (By the way, I don't know who Gary is, so don't ask). I worked out about three hours a day, and I liked it. Now I avoid it like a bikini wax, and my butt is paying the price.

I desperately want to be one of those moms that gets up early in the morning, straps her toddler into the jogging stroller and runs five miles before breakfast. I see those mommies out on the road in their spandex shorts and baseball caps and think "what motivates them to do this?" When I wake up in the morning, you know what I want to do? Go back to sleep. Yes, that's right, the LAST thing I want to do is get up and EXERT myself, after such a long, exhausting night of not sleeping because my mind just won't shut off and I can't stop writing blog posts and making lists in my head. Lists of what, you might ask. The answer is ANYTHING. I just make lists in my head--to-do lists, grocery lists, goals I want to set for myself (including working out regularly and losing weight), and anything else that can be listed in a list. (You already know I am crazy, why are you surprised?) So yeah, working out in the morning--not so much.

So the next suggestion you might make would be to work out while my daughter takes her nap. This would be a good suggestion, except for a couple of facts. 1. I never know whether she is actually going to nap or not and 2. When she does, I am so excited that I want to celebrate by doing stuff that I can't do when she is awake. The things that fall into this category are: cleaning the bathroom, folding laundry, reading, working, and writing without interruption. Today I had EVERY intention of working out as soon as I put Baby Girl down for her nap, but I got caught up writing, commenting and dropping entrecards and before I knew it, she was awake. DAMN ME! If I were a good little girl, I would have put her to bed and immediately changed into my work out clothes to start my new 30 Day Shred DVD. Yes, I received it two days ago and have yet to break the plastic seal.

The last option is, of course, at night. HA. Yeah right. By 6 p.m. I am lucky that I can carry on a conversation, nevermind work up a sweat. I never realized how completely EXHAUSTING being a mother is, but fo' sho' it is. In the evening, I concentrate on trying to bathe the baby, putting together some semblance of dinner and keeping myself from curling up on the couch at 7 after I put her to bed. Not to mention that a lot of evenings, I like to congratulate myself on making it through one more day of motherhood with a nice glass of wine, and we all know that drinking and exercising just don't mix!

So how am I going to get myself to drop the lazy mommy act and work on finding my waist again? Maybe I should make myself an incentive chart like we used to use for Big Boy when he wouldn't do ANYTHING that we asked him to. He got stars for doing things like brushing his teeth, cleaning his room and following directions. Perhaps I can earn stickers for working out and after I get so many, I can get myself something nice. Or maybe I need someone to call me every day and give me a guilt trip. (Don't everybody volunteer here, I'm just throwing out ideas). I've heard of people putting up pictures of them at their heaviest to "motivate" them, but I'm afraid that would just depress me and make me eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's, thus defeating the purpose.

I would love to hear from all of you on how you motivate yourselves to exercise, and when you fit it in. Just remember, I am currently going through my "lazy" period, so anything that involves a lot of effort isn't going to be considered. But feel free to suggest anything that cuts corners, saves time or requires minimal effort on my part :-) Thanks.

P.S. Anyone that takes this post completely seriously and feels compelled to leave me a comment about not being able to see results without putting in effort, blah-de-blah-de-blah, please keep your comments to yourself, because I know that silly, I am trying to be entertaining here! Thanks again.