Dear Perverted Readers...

I know you are all DYING to see embarrassing and dirty pictures of my girl's night out complete with every dildo-licious detail, and don't worry, you are going to get it. But you must be patient. I am working on getting the pictures from my girlfriends and also putting much thought into how I am going to write about this, well, let's say "sensitive" subject. I mean, come on people, my MOTHER reads this blog (as does my aunt, my sisters, my cousins...you get the point), so I guess I have two choices:

1. I am very careful as to what I post and make sure that I keep it as un-raunchy and PG-13 as possible, or...

2. I warn my mother (and family) of the nature of the post and tell them not to read it.

Now, with my luck I would go with number 2 and they would still read it (out of pure sick curiousity) and then they would forever think of me as this disgusting little slut and my mom will think that she must have done something terribly wrong in raising me.

Or maybe they'll just think it's hilarious.

Decisions, decisions. I mean, don't get me wrong, I didn't do anything THAT bad. Nothing that could get me in trouble with my husband or the police, so I'd say that it was a pretty innocent evening. However, there are some pictures of me doing some things to certain implements shaped like certain male body parts that proves that I have in fact done these things before, completely shattering the pristine reputation that I have worked so hard to maintain among my family members. Alright, who are we kidding, nobody thinks I am "pristine." So I guess I'll just have to throw caution to the wind and post this disclaimer:

WARNING: Please do not read my post entitled "I Heart Vibrators" if you are sensitive to topics sexual in nature or have any qualms about reading anything involving masturbation, sex, oral sex, anal sex, kinky sex, lubrication, vibrators, dildos, confections shaped like reproductive body parts, or clitoral stimulating creams. Also, if you are related to me and would like to avoid seeing pictures of me that may associate me with any of the above, please refrain from reading as well.

Do you think that will have me covered?

My other fear is that this post is going to bring a wave of sick-minded Googling perverts to my blog who have searched for "sexy moms with dildos" or "lubricated anal sex with mommies," and I certainly don't want to be inundated with pornographic comments or e-mails from lonely guys. So basically I have to really think about this and figure out a way to write this post tactfully and with dignity so I don't unwittingly become some cyber porn hot spot.

Well, we'll see what the pictures reveal and I will use my best judgment to bring you a post that properly represents the evening and amuses you, without getting me banned from Blogger because of my pornographic material.

Patience people, patience....