Friday, September 19, 2008

Good News: Awards, Bad News: Wardrobe Crisis

Well, Athena the gorgeous wild child from Hot Child in the Suburbs graced me with a very special award and I am so flattered. She is extremely funny and I love to read her hilarious stories of mischief and mayhem in her 'hood. Here it is, ain't it purty?

And Mommy Meryl gave me another Brilliante Weblog Award, so I am eternally grateful for that as well!

I want to send out a big thank you for everyone that is voting for me in the Dottie Awards! Last I checked I was in the lead, so my life may be spared yet! I am very excited and can't believe that I may actually win a superlative, because sadly, I never won any in high school! So this will ease the pain of my high school trauma, but unfortunately, I don't think it can help me with my current problem:


You all know what I am talking about, when you HATE everything you own, everything makes you look fat or doesn't fit right and the few items you do own that don't make you look like a fat homeless person have stains on them! ARGH!

I am thinking of switching to mu-mus.

What do you think? Is it me? It worked for my grandmother, who wore one every day of her life, I think. If I get a wild enough pattern, I won't even have to worry about stainage, and with no nasty waistband, I can eat to my heart's desire and not experience the overwhelmingly uncomfortable muffin top pinch. Come on, don't pretend like you don't know what I am talking about ladies. You know, the feeling like you just really NEED to unbutton your pants? Yeah, it's not pleasant. The mu-mu would solve all these problems and give me the freedom that I have always yearned for in my clothing.


It is a pretty hideous look and I guess I am not quite ready to take the plunge into completely letting myself go. This means only one thing. I have to go CLOTHES SHOPPING!

I don't want to do it. I really don't. The thought of standing in that little cubicle with the unflattering lights and warped mirror makes me break out into a cold sweat. There just isn't anything more depressing than going in with six items and coming out with six items that just made you look like crap. I don't want to embarrass myself in front of the 16-year-old size 4 Old Navy dressing room attendant by breaking down into tears again, so I have a plan. I am going to go into the store, pick out multiple items of clothing in all different sizes, buy them, bring them home, try them on, and bring back the ones that don't fit. That's it. The solution. I will not be broken by the pressure of the dressing room any longer.

I will survive the wardrobe crisis!

Now if I could just get past the whole gap in the waistband of my jeans that shows my butt crack when I bend over--life would be perfect!