Thursday, March 19, 2009

He Blogs, She Blogs: Proof That Men are, Indeed, BIG BABIES and Scam Artists

Well, if you are here then either you know that He Blogs, She Blogs was changed to Thursdays, or you were just visiting anyway and got this pleasant surprise. Welcome to the first Thursday edition of He Blogs, She Blogs. The Captain and I noticed that Mondays were a little slow and thought that we might get a more enthusiastic reaction if we did this kick-ass experiment in male/female relations a little later in the week. Or maybe everyone just thinks this sucks, and if so, this might be the last edition of He Blogs, She Blogs EVER. Don't let that happen people. Leave a comment. Leave a question. Get the badge and put it in your sidebar, for the love of blog! Don't be single-handedly responsible for the death of HBSB. You'll never forgive yourself.

Well, now that the guilt-tripping is taken care of, let's move on to what the Captain and I will be waxing on this week. You'll have to forgive me because I am pretty distracted at the moment, so my answers may not be as witty and insightful as usual. Got a lot going on, if you know what I mean. I won't bore you with the details but part of the distraction is due to a new job I am competing for, and if I get it, let's just say that it will be ABOUT time that someone paid me to actually write about something that matters to me. But, unfortunately, I might have to cut back somewhat on my blogging, which makes me feel like I might have a panic attack. But it is a fantastic opportunity and will offer my family some much-needed financial stability, so it's a necessary evil. Enough about me, let's talk about:


Well, three out of the four questions are about men. The other one is kinda bi-sexual. You didn't know questions could be bi-sexual did you? Well, you learn something new every day. Today we will be fielding questions from Mo "Mad Dog" Stoneskin, Blogging Mama Andrea, SSP from Smarty Pants Rants, and Jen from Sprite's Keeper. How many questions has Jen asked anyway? Not that I'm complaining, I'm just thinking we may start having to charge her for all the free therapy...

Mo said: Here's a question, and it is a boring one, so I would understand if you and Petra just rolled your eyes (collectively) and ignored it, but How do you manage blog time in between family time? Or put another way, how do you prevent blogging and commenting, etc. from infringing on quality family time? I ask because it can be difficult at times.

Not a boring question at all Moe! I mean, come on, not all questions can be about sex, drugs and rock 'n roll right? This is actually a really good question, and I hope that I am qualified to answer it. I think I do a fairly good job of balancing my blog and my family, but I am one of the lucky few that are able to work 100% from home, so I tend to do a lot of my blogging during the day in between work. It goes a little something like this:

-20 minutes of work
-get my daughter a drink
-30 minutes of blogging
-bring my daughter to the potty
-read my daughter a book
-15 minutes of work
-get out the play doh/paint/Moon Sand for my daughter
-45 minutes of blogging
-clean up said play doh/paint/Moon Sand
-get daughter a snack
-25 minutes of blogging
-30 minutes of playing with daughter
-30 minutes of work
-an hour of reading blogs and commenting
-lunch for me and my daughter...

...and so on and so forth. OK, I don't do THAT much blogging during the day, cause I do actually get some work done. But blogging and working during the day leaves me available at 4 p.m. to put the computer aside and devote all my attention to the kids, helping my 8-year-old with his homework and playing with my 2-year-old, as well as starting dinner and doing some stuff around the house. Then I won't get back on the computer (usually) until after the two kids are in bed at about 8 p.m. Most nights I try to limit my evening time on the computer to either none at all or under an hour so that hubby and I can sit and watch TV and he doesn't feel like I love my computer more than him. Cause I don't. Really. Don't look at me like that.

At the end of the day, my family comes first. When things get too busy, I don't blog. I get backed up on returning comments or I don't post for a couple of days. I feel bad, but my family is number 1, even though I do love you guys to pieces. It's just so hard getting all the love and affection that I need from you through the computer screen.

Blogging Mama Andrea said: You said you hadn't gotten any questions yet so I'll toss you one. In the middle of the night the baby cries. Do men truly not hear it or do they just pretend not to so they don't have to get up?

Thank you Andrea! I want the straight shit on this one, because I MARVEL at how my husband can sleep through a hysterically screaming baby in the middle of the night when I awake at the first little peep before the actual crying even begins. And all I have to say is, if this IS indeed a scam, it is one of the most brilliant of its kind because inevitably, all us moms have learned to give up after we have poked, prodded, shaken, and yelled at our husbands to go get the baby only to get a grunt and a roll, and gone and taken care of it ourselves. Well played. Well played indeed men. You are masters of deception and laziness. Is that something to be proud of? Not so sure. But it's an accomplishment, none the less. It's right up there with the comedy of Andrew Dice Clay and the development of Olestra.

SSP said: so, I get the "no sex with shoes" thing, but what is it ABOUT shoes, particularly the FM pumps that gets a man going? is it the fragility they impose on a woman and her ability to get away, the look of the leg, or is it, like it is for me, simply the shoe? As a woman, perhaps distantly related to Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City, the right pair of shoes can do wonders for my libido.

OK, I must fess up here that for a little while, I had NO CLUE what FM pumps were, but then I finally put the pieces together and realized that it stood for "Fuck Me" pumps, which must be the best kind of pumps there are. Unfortunately, I don't really own a pair. I think I have a pair of "Feel Me Up" heels, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that they inspire quite the reaction that FM pumps would. I do know what she is talking about though, and I am pretty sure that the high heels serve a dual purpose. First of all, they make us look taller and more slender and accentuate our legs, and they remind men that we are women and they are men. Just like skirts, makeup, aprons, and the like, the high heeled shoe (particularly of the FM variety) just screams "I am woman, hear me click, click, click, click." Unfortunately for me, I can't stand wearing high heels and avoid it as much as possible. So I have to replace the FM pumps with something else that reminds my man that I am a woman. Such as a pair of boobs. Those work pretty well too.

Jen said: Hm, I think I have a question! When I become ill, I just plug on about my day and try to silence the symptoms as best I can. When the husband gets sick, he announces every little twinge he feels. What is he looking for, soup or sympathy?

Amen. God forbid we need a "sick day" or some time to recover from an illness; nobody else can be bothered to take over our motherly duties so we can rest, but if Dad gets sick, he needs his rest and gets to sleep in the bedroom while we silence the children to keep quiet so he can recuperate. Then when he finally makes his appearance, he is a useless lump on the couch who needs to be waited on and given plenty of TLC and sympathy. Nobody waits on us. In fact, we continue to make the meals, bathe the children and clean the house when WE'RE sick. What's the deal? Is this just God's way of proving that men are babies and women are truly the stronger, far superior sex? It just may be. I don't know about you, but I would rather have the sick time. Is this negotiable? Is there a union?

Well, now's the time to go over and visit my hilarious friend Captain Dumbass over at Us and Them for the manly version of this post. I am sure he is going to be all "blah, blah, blah, men need their sleep, blah, blah, blah, man-colds are so much worse than woman-colds, etc. etc." but I am sure he will have some pretty good stuff to say as well. So go check him out. Unless you have already been there, and in that case, just come back next week for more. We'll be here.