Today is the day. My lovely, gorgeous, sexy, funny, and intelligent friend Jen from Steenky Bee is guest posting today for He Blogs, She Blogs. Which means that basically I have to go sit in the corner and suck my thumb while rocking back and forth in despair at how much more awesome she is than I am and how humbled I am to have HER words appearing on MY blog. In the immortal words of Wayne and Garth, "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy..."
And if having Steenky Bee isn't cool enough for you, Captain Dumbass has Christopher from Cajoh taking over on his site today to give you the "he" part of the equation in He Blogs, She Blogs. So when you finish here today, head over there to Us and Them, unless you've already been there and read Christopher's awesomeness.
The one thing I ask of you is please, PLEASE, still continue to come back and read when the reigns are passed back to me. I know I am no Steenky Bee, but I try really hard. And I do it all for you. That's worth something right?
The Captain and I picked some awesome questions from The Stiletto Mom, Marinka, Blogging Mama Andrea, and Natasha from Exile Street. Here are the questions and Steenky Bee's insights, for your reading pleasure:
The Stiletto Mom said…
What is the biggest fight you had over the dumbest thing EVER? (it's always the stupid fights that get big)
Oh Stiletto Mom, my dearest friend, a few things come to mind with this one. There’s the time Jeremy (my husband, and never-ending fodder for Steenky Bee) set our garage on fire. Or there’s the time I accidentally shaved his head just hours before his brother’s wedding. But I would have to say, the fight that will never, EVER end (are you reading this, honey?) has to be way back in 2002 when the two of us were lying in bed together, just about to drift off to sleep. I lovingly turned to him, gently caressed his cheek and purred into his ear, “Who do you think is funnier, you or me?”
Jeremy furrowed his brow, took a deep breath and then thoughtfully announced, “I think I am the funny one in our relationship.”
Well, folks, I was not taking this news flash from him lying down. I immediately jumped out of bed, flipped the lights on and stood there in front of him on the bed and demanded he explain himself.
Of course, Jeremy practically burned a hole in our bed sheets trying to back peddle faster than I’ve ever seen anyone attempt to this day. He managed to stammer out “No, no, no! What I meant was, YOU, my lovely and ever-so-hot wife, are funnier in a crowd, while I’m only reasonably amusing one on one.”
I then proceeded to jump on the bed until I bounced him out and onto the floor. Then I screamed, “Who’s funnier now, bitch?”
Actually, I didn’t get the chance to yell that last line at him. I only managed to get out “Who’s funnier…” before the bouncing moves on our hand-me-down mattress, BOOM! our bed frame collapsed.
So, who’s funnier? My husband and I argue over that small detail daily. You should also know that I broke our bed about three years later when Jeremy tried to tell me he thought he had better legs than me.
Here is my question--in terms of movies, do you fake it? Do you pretend that you want to see Fried Green Harry Met Sally While You Were Sleeping with your girlfriend/wife/escort? Or do you announce that it's torture for you and that she really owes you? And Petra, do you expect your husband to put up with chick flicks? Or do you go see them with your friends and leave him alone?
Whoa. That was a mouthful, wasn’t it? (That’s what she said.) Okay, Marinka, the blogger with the most beautiful avatar image ever (seriously, go check it out), I believe in brutal honesty about tastes in films…after the first ten dates. Before that point? The guy better pretend he wants to take me to see Hotel For Dogs or Twilight (for the third time, but who's counting?). But once we’ve kissed, then the guy is free to go ahead and watch all the Die Harder With Extreme Prejudice films you want.
As an aside, you should know, just in case you’re ever traveling through my home state, Utah: You can’t legally touch lips until after the tenth date. If you’re still dating by the fifteenth date, then according to the state laws, you are legally married for all time and eternity. Look it up, folks. If you don't believe me, then I'll be happy to send the missionaries over to your house.
Blogging Mama Andrea said...
When your visiting you or your spouses family for a week and your spouse asks you if you wanna 'get it on' cause everyone's sleeping, what would YOU say?
Well, Andrea, may I call you Andrea? Andrea, my in-laws only live 40 minutes from my house and I can’t think of a circumstance where we would be staying a week at their house, unless, of course, it was the apocalypse or something. They have the best stockpile of food storage ever, plus they live in a mountainous area, so I could see myself just using their house as a home base until we could built an inpenatrable underground fortress to wait out all the looting and lawlessness that's bound to accompany the end of the world.
Back to Andrea's question.
I don’t know about you, but when my husband says to me, “Wanna get it on” it can mean only two things. He either wants to Greco-Roman wrestle or have some sort of a dance off. Is that what you were referring to, Andrea? Because if not, then you're going to be really disappointed in my answer. You see, in the Steenky household, a dance off or a wrestling match is a perfectly acceptable means to settle almost any dispute. The only exception, of course, is the age-old arguement of who is funnier. For that, of course, we jump on the bed until it breaks and then hold that dissagreement over the husband's head for eight years.
So, "getting in on" at my in-laws house? Would I do it? Absolutely. Have I done it? Yep. Just a few weeks ago while at dinner at the in-laws, Jeremy and I had a small disagreement about the phrase "flesh this out". For whatever reason, he thought the way to say that phrase was, "flush this out." We debated this most important point in front of twelve other people while as our lasagne got cold until we finally came to our senses and decided to "get in on" in the form of a dance off. In front of the entire family.
To make a long, and quite strange story short, Jeremy was the victor. This probably does not come as a big surprise to those of you who know of my dancing handicap. Jeremy pulled out an awesome dance sequence that included the Running-Man, the Worm and a new move he created especially for this contest that he called the "Oh Yeah? Flush This, Jen!" I have to say, the Oh Yeah? Flush This, Jen looks an awful lot like someone just jogging in place while flipping the bird, but Jeremy swears it's a highly technical dance move. I might believe him.
Natasha from Exile on Mom Street said...
So how do you deal when the much-adored sibling is a complete asshat?
First, please allow me to tell you that you have quickly become one of my favorite people for simply using one of my favorite words in your question. Asshat. Does it really get better than that? I don't think so.
Okay, Natasha, this question is both easy and yet so complex for me. You see, I have no siblings. It's true, I am one of those only children so my parents have no yardstick to measure me against anyone else. I think for the most part, my parents are relatively happy with how I’ve turned out. I’m financially independent, I earned a college degree, I’ve given them two grandchildren and I’ve never had to be bailed out of jail. What they overlook is that I tend to have liberal views, I’m not the best housekeeper and I’ve been arrested. To be fair, they overlook the whole arrested thing mainly because they don’t know a thing about it.
So, Natasha, you’ve got a brother or sister that’s a royal asshat, huh? Well, I'm not sure if it's wise to take advice from an only child on how to expose your asshat sibling for what they are, but here goes:
1. Take out an ad in your parent's local newspaper, half-page would do, and list all the asshattery your sibling has been up to. Don't be afraid to dig deep, you know, go back a few years. People respond powerfully to stories of one sibling not sharing with another sibling when they were children. If anything, this just establishes a pattern of poor behavior on the part of your sibling.
2. Fake a haunting at their house. Create the illusion of some random ghost villain and torment them until they eventually give in and admit that they are, indeed a jerk. (If you're not exactly sure how to go about this, just watch any episode of Scooby-Doo.) Disclaimer: your plan will most likely go more smoothly if you own glow-in-the-dark paint, own an abandoned castle or if you're a crooked real estate developer. Honestly, don't all Scooby-Doo episodes revolve around land developers?
3. Talk to your sibling. Tell them how you feel. If they argue with you, then would you consider challenging them to a wrestling match? No? Okay, then, dance off it is!
I am sure everyone will agree that Steenky Bee's answers were sufficiently superb. And if you don't, then I don't want your kind hanging around my blog anyway, so go bother Dooce or something.
Next week we will be back to our regularly scheduled program with me and the Captain "flushing it all out" on THURSDAY (got that Moe?). And we also need some more super cool questions to put your thinking caps on (you know, the one with the two beers and the straws?) and leave us some questions in the comments section so you too can be featured in an HBSB post in the near future. Do it for me, for the Captain, for Steenky Bee, for Christopher, hell, do it for the damn linky love you get out of it, I don't care. Just don't let HBSB die a slow, painful death because we have no more questions. That would blow.
An update for those of you sweet and supportive readers who have been following my progress with the About.com job--I will be moving on to Round 2 (the final round) this week and hopefully will rock their worlds with my page layout prowess. I have no idea how long this round lasts or when I will find out if I got the job, but I will keep you posted. Thank you SO much for all the kind words of support, prayers and finger crossing. Keep it up, would ya??
And stay tuned this week for another SEXIS article and my next EdenFantasys.com product review AND giveaway. Believe me, you don't want to miss this one. This item is so awesome on so many different levels and it comes complete with a priceless story of the first time we (my husband and I, not me and the Captain) used it. Don't worry, nothing too graphic, just hilarious. As hilarious as Steenky Bee? Probably not. But close. With more vibratory goodness.
And everyone loves some vibratory goodness.