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Showing posts with label Random-tastic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random-tastic. Show all posts
Friday, October 2, 2009
Sexting, The Jonas Brothers and a New Pair of Uggs
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Monday, June 29, 2009
Just Call Me Mrs. Jackson--In Honor of a Legend
The following is a re-post of a Humor Carnival post I wrote back in October about growing up in the 80's. I hereby resurrect this little gem for y'all in remembrance of a great performer, and my very first love, Michael Jackson. Yes, he was creepy, disturbed and controversial in his later years, but I loved me some Michael back in the day...enjoy!When I was six years old, I wanted to marry Michael Jackson. I had this super hot poster of him in a yellow sweater vest (yes, I said sweater vest, so what?) and he's all suave and serious, pouting at the camera and his geri curl was all shiny and voluminous and I just stared at that photo and wondered what it would be like to be Mrs. Michael Jackson.
OK, well now I know what it would have been like--CROWDED--with all the little kids and monkeys in bed with us. But back then there was nothing more I would have loved than spending every day and night with him and being his "pretty young thing." Macaulay Culkin has all the luck...
As a dreadfully misguided 6-year-old, I had another crush that was destined to be unrequited. OK, if you laugh at me here, I will kick your ass. No I won't, because you have every right to laugh at me. I loved (oh God, I can't believe I am admitting this--it's all for the friggin' Humor Bloggers carnival, I'll have to keep telling myself that)...
Boy George.
Yes, NOW I know that he was (is) flamingly gay, but people, I was only SIX!! Cut me some frikkin' slack, would ya? I just loved his hat and his clothes and it was oh-so-mysterious h
ow he would wear eye makeup, and I was just all ENAMORED over him and his melancholy tunes. I had the vinyl record single of "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" and I remember playing it over and over again in my parents' livingroom, swaying to the music and pretending that I was onstage with my beloved, cross-dressing boy, singing back up.Yeah, so it was the eighties, OK? Stop judging me.
I also rocked the Punky Brewster look with the scarves tied around my leg. And how I loved to wear, like, SIX pairs of scrunchy socks and layer them so my ankles looked like a verifiable rainbow. Don't forget, the pants HAD to be pegged for this look to work, so when my mom bought me straight leg pants--OH MY GOD--you just cannot peg straight legs, you need tapered legs, and I just couldn't see how she didn't understand that! But of course in her day, she wore bell bottoms, which to me back then were the most hideous item of clothing you could ever pull on your body, but what do I wear today? Flared leg jeans, which are pretty much bell bottoms, so I guess I am biting my tongue now about all the times I made fun of my mom's bell bottoms. Whatever.
Now, THE coolest thing about my childhood in the eighties was the year that my mother dressed me as Madonna for Halloween, and if I really loved y'all I would post the pic here, but really, I don't know you ALL that well and that picture could end up in the hands of someone that wo
uld abuse its powers and nobody wants that. So instead I will paint for you the image of me, at 7 years old, in fishnet tights, a short black miniskirt, a black jacket with a gold lamee pyramid on it that my mother MADE (she's totally tubular, you know), and enough eye makeup to sink a ship. Yes, I had seen Desperately Seeking Susan and there was nothing cooler than Madonna in that movie, she was just such a bad ass. So I walked around our neighborhood, pretty much looking like my mother had allowed me to dress as a prostitute for Halloween, and it was the BEST HALLOWEEN EVER.I think I got more candy that year, really I do.
Stay tuned for my post about the golden years of the nineties, complete with Doc Martens, flannel shirts and a very calamitous tale of piercing my own belly button. I will save that one for when you've been really good...and I might even share some pictures...
MAYBE
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
San Diego, How Do I Love Thee?
As some of you may know, I went to San Diego with my husband last week for four whole days of being sans children in a gorgeous city, with absolutely nothing to do.
It was heaven.
Can I just tell you that I used to HATE being alone? No, I mean it, the last thing I would ever have wanted to do was spend four days all by myself, going places in a strange city on my own and having hours of uninterrupted quiet. But now? After 8 years of being a parent and not even getting to go to the bathroom alone--it's my new nirvana.
Since hubby was in San Diego for a convention, that meant that my days were all for me. I set it up so I didn't have to do much work, but I brought the laptop so I could Facebook and Twitter in bed in the hotel room about all my fabulous adventures. I also had my very first IM meeting with my editor without my 3-year-old screaming and pulling on me before, during and after. I could actually concentrate on thoughts in my head, and I even took naps. NAPS! But the coolest thing was that I got out of the hotel and explored San Diego solo, something that makes me extremely proud.
The first day I simply walked down the street from the hotel looking for a convenience store for some drinks and snacks, but I did make friends with a rather nice cabby who gave me a card and told me it would be about 30 bucks to get to La Jolla the next day, where I was planning to go. I took these pictures along the way:
Yes, those are palm trees! OK, you can commence making fun of me that I was so excited to see actual palm trees that were not planted in a pot that I took pictures of them. But you will probably make fun of me more for this one:
I took this one because the landscaping at the hotel next to ours was really pretty. Yes, I am lame. Whatever.
So then I went and had lunch at the hotel restaurant, only the second time I have ever sat in an establishment and eaten by myself. May I just add that the restaurant was called the Tickled Trout? Best. Restaurant. Name. Ever.
That night we went to Old Town, the oldest part of San Diego where the Mexicans originally settled. We had dinner at La Pinata, which was a little Mexican restaurant filled with, you guessed it--pinatas! We also got serenaded by a dude with a guitar and another dude gave me a rose and then promptly looked to my husband for payment. HA! now that's the way to make a sale! Here we are at dinner"
Believe it or not, I had only had one beer, despite the fact that I look totally smashed in this picture. It must be the glasses...
We walked around Old Town and bought souvenirs that night and also had drinks at the Tickled Trout when we got back. We met an awesome bartender named Pete and an old Mexican dude named Mariano DelGado who taught us how to make pineapple salad with chile pepper and salt. He claims it is awesome. I took his word for it.
Also, the bartender totally got rid of my husband's hiccups by having him eat a lemon with bitters on it. it seriously worked--IMMEDIATELY. I have never seen anything like it. That reminds me that I have to run out and get some bitters...
So the next day I decided that I wanted to do something special and pamper myself so I made an appointment with this upscale salon (well, upscale to me who likes to pay $12 or less for a haircut) called Dearinger, and had an incredible haircutting experience with my stylist, Mitsu who was the coolest Japanese guy with a bleached blond mohawk on the back of his head. I could barely understood a word that he said but he styled me up good, complete with head massage, aromatherapy and hot, moist towels...ahhhhhh. I really wanted to take a picture of him, but I felt a little weird, so I chickened out. But here is a picture of the salon:
After my haircut, I just walked the streets of La Jolla, towards the ocean, cause I figured it would lead me to the beach. Which it did. And there were actual surfers there! I had never seen real life surfers in person before, so I was pretty stoked (yes, we have already established that I am SUPER lame). Walking down to the beach, I took this picture because it made me feel like I was in a movie:
Doesn't that look like a scene from a movie? Yeah, I thought so too.
Once I was on the beach, of course I took pictures of the surfers cause they were, like, totally rad:
I walked on the beach for a while, then headed back to downtown La Jolla where I did some shopping, had coffee at a Starbucks and called for a cab. I felt so grown up and brave traveling around by myself.
That night we had dinner with clients at an awesome Italian restaurant on Pacific Beach called Cafe Bella Italia. The food was delish and the clients were awesome--straight from Banglor, India, the owner of the company is a woman and mom of two grown kids and SO smart and wordly. I was thoroughly impressed at the woman power sitting next to me.
The next day was my day to totally veg out and I did almost nothing. I watched a movie on my laptop, slept for THREE HOURS and goofed off on Facebook and Twitter. I couldn't remember the last time I had stayed in my pj's all day and laid around in bed. Awesome with a capital "A." Then that night we had dinner at Joe's Crab Shack, where I did not eat crabs because I don't like seafood, but the steak I had was pretty good. The Sea Turtle Brownie Sundae, however, was AMAZING.
The trip was about three or four days too short, though, and we had to leave early the next morning to come home. Here I am on the plane:
I look pretty happy for someone who was crammed into a window seat half the size of my ass with my knees up around my chin. American Airlines seating certainly leaves something to be desired and its starking contrast to the Jet Blue flight we had on the way in made it that much harder. But thankfully, we had a nice tail wind that brought us into Boston in about 5 hours, rather than over 6, like we had the first time. I got some work done, watched half of Twilight on my laptop and drank some really bad coffee and ate a HUGE chocolate chip cookie.
That's it. We got home safely, went and picked up my daughter, which was the absolutely highlight of the day since I had missed her a ton! We also picked up the dog, who I must admit, was a little more excited to see us than our daughter was, but you know how dogs are. And 3-year-olds.
All I have to say is, San Diego, I heart you. And I can't wait to go back. A big thank you to my husband, because the trip would not have been possible if it hadn't been for his convention. And because of said convention, I got to enjoy my newfound love of alone time.
But I must admit, I am pretty psyched for the next business trip because me and the kids might be going and it is somewhere I have never been...
DISNEY WORLD HERE WE COME!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was heaven.
Can I just tell you that I used to HATE being alone? No, I mean it, the last thing I would ever have wanted to do was spend four days all by myself, going places in a strange city on my own and having hours of uninterrupted quiet. But now? After 8 years of being a parent and not even getting to go to the bathroom alone--it's my new nirvana.
Since hubby was in San Diego for a convention, that meant that my days were all for me. I set it up so I didn't have to do much work, but I brought the laptop so I could Facebook and Twitter in bed in the hotel room about all my fabulous adventures. I also had my very first IM meeting with my editor without my 3-year-old screaming and pulling on me before, during and after. I could actually concentrate on thoughts in my head, and I even took naps. NAPS! But the coolest thing was that I got out of the hotel and explored San Diego solo, something that makes me extremely proud.
The first day I simply walked down the street from the hotel looking for a convenience store for some drinks and snacks, but I did make friends with a rather nice cabby who gave me a card and told me it would be about 30 bucks to get to La Jolla the next day, where I was planning to go. I took these pictures along the way:
Yes, those are palm trees! OK, you can commence making fun of me that I was so excited to see actual palm trees that were not planted in a pot that I took pictures of them. But you will probably make fun of me more for this one:
I took this one because the landscaping at the hotel next to ours was really pretty. Yes, I am lame. Whatever.So then I went and had lunch at the hotel restaurant, only the second time I have ever sat in an establishment and eaten by myself. May I just add that the restaurant was called the Tickled Trout? Best. Restaurant. Name. Ever.
That night we went to Old Town, the oldest part of San Diego where the Mexicans originally settled. We had dinner at La Pinata, which was a little Mexican restaurant filled with, you guessed it--pinatas! We also got serenaded by a dude with a guitar and another dude gave me a rose and then promptly looked to my husband for payment. HA! now that's the way to make a sale! Here we are at dinner"
Believe it or not, I had only had one beer, despite the fact that I look totally smashed in this picture. It must be the glasses...We walked around Old Town and bought souvenirs that night and also had drinks at the Tickled Trout when we got back. We met an awesome bartender named Pete and an old Mexican dude named Mariano DelGado who taught us how to make pineapple salad with chile pepper and salt. He claims it is awesome. I took his word for it.
Also, the bartender totally got rid of my husband's hiccups by having him eat a lemon with bitters on it. it seriously worked--IMMEDIATELY. I have never seen anything like it. That reminds me that I have to run out and get some bitters...
So the next day I decided that I wanted to do something special and pamper myself so I made an appointment with this upscale salon (well, upscale to me who likes to pay $12 or less for a haircut) called Dearinger, and had an incredible haircutting experience with my stylist, Mitsu who was the coolest Japanese guy with a bleached blond mohawk on the back of his head. I could barely understood a word that he said but he styled me up good, complete with head massage, aromatherapy and hot, moist towels...ahhhhhh. I really wanted to take a picture of him, but I felt a little weird, so I chickened out. But here is a picture of the salon:
After my haircut, I just walked the streets of La Jolla, towards the ocean, cause I figured it would lead me to the beach. Which it did. And there were actual surfers there! I had never seen real life surfers in person before, so I was pretty stoked (yes, we have already established that I am SUPER lame). Walking down to the beach, I took this picture because it made me feel like I was in a movie:
Doesn't that look like a scene from a movie? Yeah, I thought so too.Once I was on the beach, of course I took pictures of the surfers cause they were, like, totally rad:
I walked on the beach for a while, then headed back to downtown La Jolla where I did some shopping, had coffee at a Starbucks and called for a cab. I felt so grown up and brave traveling around by myself.That night we had dinner with clients at an awesome Italian restaurant on Pacific Beach called Cafe Bella Italia. The food was delish and the clients were awesome--straight from Banglor, India, the owner of the company is a woman and mom of two grown kids and SO smart and wordly. I was thoroughly impressed at the woman power sitting next to me.
The next day was my day to totally veg out and I did almost nothing. I watched a movie on my laptop, slept for THREE HOURS and goofed off on Facebook and Twitter. I couldn't remember the last time I had stayed in my pj's all day and laid around in bed. Awesome with a capital "A." Then that night we had dinner at Joe's Crab Shack, where I did not eat crabs because I don't like seafood, but the steak I had was pretty good. The Sea Turtle Brownie Sundae, however, was AMAZING.
The trip was about three or four days too short, though, and we had to leave early the next morning to come home. Here I am on the plane:
I look pretty happy for someone who was crammed into a window seat half the size of my ass with my knees up around my chin. American Airlines seating certainly leaves something to be desired and its starking contrast to the Jet Blue flight we had on the way in made it that much harder. But thankfully, we had a nice tail wind that brought us into Boston in about 5 hours, rather than over 6, like we had the first time. I got some work done, watched half of Twilight on my laptop and drank some really bad coffee and ate a HUGE chocolate chip cookie.That's it. We got home safely, went and picked up my daughter, which was the absolutely highlight of the day since I had missed her a ton! We also picked up the dog, who I must admit, was a little more excited to see us than our daughter was, but you know how dogs are. And 3-year-olds.
All I have to say is, San Diego, I heart you. And I can't wait to go back. A big thank you to my husband, because the trip would not have been possible if it hadn't been for his convention. And because of said convention, I got to enjoy my newfound love of alone time.
But I must admit, I am pretty psyched for the next business trip because me and the kids might be going and it is somewhere I have never been...
DISNEY WORLD HERE WE COME!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Reality Bites
Well, I am back from San Diego and may I just say it EFFING ROCKS??!! It was gorgeous, the weather was great and I spent mucho time relaxing in the hotel room, getting work done in the peace and quiet, taking afternoon naps, and exploring San Diego on my own while hubby was at the convention. It was an incredible vacation, which has rejuvenated me for the long, hot summer ahead in which I wait rather impatiently for my house to be completed and work my ass off trying to write my book, all while keeping the children sufficiently entertained. Thank you to my wonderful husband for bringing me along--it was a GODSEND!
But I must admit, I missed my kids something fierce and was practically tearing the armrest off the passenger seat of the van as we drive down my mother's street to pick up my daughter. Although I could have used a few more days in sunny San Diego, I am not quite sure I could have lasted that long without some kisses and hugs from my babies.
So here I am, back to reality. There is a lot to be done, and I am way behind, plus I left my planner in the hotel room in SD, even though I scoured the room and was positive I hadn't forgotten anything. So, needless to say, I am feeling quite a bit discombobulated today. Because of this, we are skipping He Blogs, She Blogs this week, and I am going to put off a post full of details and pics from my trip for another day when I don't have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Throw in the fact that Father's Day is this weekend and I may just explode! AAAGGGGHHH!!!
However, yesterday my column went up over at SexIs Magazine, so feel free to go read that because it was written weeks ago when I was much more put-together. And please, PLEASE comment on the forum post under the article and give me some feedback. I need all the moms out there to interact with me if I am going to get this book written. Plus, I just want to know what you think so I can keep making the column better for y'all.
So head over there:
...and I promise soon I will have a fantastic post complete with pictures all about San Diego!
But I must admit, I missed my kids something fierce and was practically tearing the armrest off the passenger seat of the van as we drive down my mother's street to pick up my daughter. Although I could have used a few more days in sunny San Diego, I am not quite sure I could have lasted that long without some kisses and hugs from my babies.
So here I am, back to reality. There is a lot to be done, and I am way behind, plus I left my planner in the hotel room in SD, even though I scoured the room and was positive I hadn't forgotten anything. So, needless to say, I am feeling quite a bit discombobulated today. Because of this, we are skipping He Blogs, She Blogs this week, and I am going to put off a post full of details and pics from my trip for another day when I don't have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Throw in the fact that Father's Day is this weekend and I may just explode! AAAGGGGHHH!!!
However, yesterday my column went up over at SexIs Magazine, so feel free to go read that because it was written weeks ago when I was much more put-together. And please, PLEASE comment on the forum post under the article and give me some feedback. I need all the moms out there to interact with me if I am going to get this book written. Plus, I just want to know what you think so I can keep making the column better for y'all.
So head over there:
...and I promise soon I will have a fantastic post complete with pictures all about San Diego!
Friday, June 12, 2009
I'm Rubber and You're Glue and Everything You Say Bounces Off Me and Sticks To You
I think I won the award for the longest blog post title ever. Well, maybe not, cause The Bloggess has some LONG ASS titles sometimes. Oh well.
Anyway, the reason for this post is that I have been party to some negativity lately and I want to talk about it. I am a SUPER sensitive person and don't deal well with people being meanie buckets, but I realize that putting yourself out there on the internet is opening yourself up to criticism, people who don't agree with you, and just downright nasty people. I also don't really enjoy drama (as unbelievable as that may seem) and will usually choose to ignore someone that is being negative and mean rather than confront them and create a scene. But this last incident struck a chord with me that made it impossible for me to ignore it. This person attacked my character as a wife and mother. And that just ain't cool.
This person left this comment on He Blogs, She Blogs:
To which I read, almost threw up, couldn't see straight with fury and then responded with this:
Now, I need to know, did I do the right thing here? Should I have turned the other cheek and been the bigger person and ignored it? I didn't feel it was right to delete it, because he has just as much right to leave his opinion in a public forum as anyone else, but why is it necessary to be such an ass?
Am I wrong here people? I honestly want to know. Is it appropriate to leave nasty comments on other people's blogs? I don't think so, but maybe I have a skewed vision of blogging and what it should be. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, nor like me. But in my opinion, if you don't agree or like me, let me know in a respectful way or move along to a blog that has what you are looking for.
Maybe I am totally off base...
Anyway, the reason for this post is that I have been party to some negativity lately and I want to talk about it. I am a SUPER sensitive person and don't deal well with people being meanie buckets, but I realize that putting yourself out there on the internet is opening yourself up to criticism, people who don't agree with you, and just downright nasty people. I also don't really enjoy drama (as unbelievable as that may seem) and will usually choose to ignore someone that is being negative and mean rather than confront them and create a scene. But this last incident struck a chord with me that made it impossible for me to ignore it. This person attacked my character as a wife and mother. And that just ain't cool.
This person left this comment on He Blogs, She Blogs:
"Petra. Sounds like you're the bad cop. All you blog about is losing your patience with the children. And then you only have bad things to say about Captain Dumbass. What kind of lover and parent are you?"
To which I read, almost threw up, couldn't see straight with fury and then responded with this:
"Obviously you don't read my blog and read about how much I love and adore my children and my husband, and you apparently have no sense of humor either, because my comment to Captain Dumbass was completely in jest.
I am being honest with my readers about losing my patience with the kids, because ALL PARENTS DO, no matter how much they love them.
Ever heard if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all? I am an AWESOME lover and parent, and you have NO right to judge me. What kind of person are you, going around leaving your first comment on someone's blog and making it nasty and accusatory?"
Now, I need to know, did I do the right thing here? Should I have turned the other cheek and been the bigger person and ignored it? I didn't feel it was right to delete it, because he has just as much right to leave his opinion in a public forum as anyone else, but why is it necessary to be such an ass?
Am I wrong here people? I honestly want to know. Is it appropriate to leave nasty comments on other people's blogs? I don't think so, but maybe I have a skewed vision of blogging and what it should be. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, nor like me. But in my opinion, if you don't agree or like me, let me know in a respectful way or move along to a blog that has what you are looking for.
Maybe I am totally off base...
Monday, May 11, 2009
A Day Late and a Dollar Short: Happy Mother's Day
Seems I'm always a little late these days. Sorry about that. But I do love all you fabulous moms out there who come and read my crazy drivel and I hope you had incredible Mother's Days in which you were pampered and catered to in the style of which you deserve.Or if you are like me, you at least didn't have to cook.
Happy Mother's Day!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Random Thursday Thoughts: Better Late Than Never, Right? Right?
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Thursday, April 23, 2009
Some Things of Interest...Or Not
Do you know what happens when you work from home during vacation week with a 9-year-old with ADHD and a 3-year-old who is, well, 3, take away sleeping well at night because of said 3-year-old's allergies keeping her up all night and add in a dash of dirty house and piles of laundry to be done THEN adding a terrible sore throat, stuffy nose and headache? You get ME. This week has been pretty crazy and there is so much to be done, but I wanted to take some time to make a couple of announcements.
The first thing I wanted to share with you is that the company that I work for, Care.com, is having a promotion this weekend of the 24th to the 26th. Here are the details:
Next, some of you may have noticed that He Blogs, She Blogs has been on a bit of a hiatus for the past few weeks. Or not, maybe I am flattering myself that anyone would notice. Either way, we are taking a bit of a break from HBSB, but it will be back and better than ever. I have decided to shake things up a bit and give this feature its very own blog where both Captain Dumbass and I will both post, as well as having special guests. Along with the change of venue, there will also be some changes in format you can expect to see. We will focus on one topic per post so we can really go into the subject, and it will be less like a question and answer session and more like actual topical posts. We will still need topic suggestions from everyone so get your thinking caps on and tell me and the Cap'n what you want us to really delve into.
And finally, you see that little badge over there to the left? Well, if you click on it, it will allow you to vote for me for the Blogger's Choice Awards for Hottest Mommy Blogger. Now I am not sure if this is "hot" as in I have bodacious ta-ta's and awesome hair or if it means that I am just on fire with bloggity notoriety, but either way, I would greatly appreciate it if you would go vote for me. Although I know I have no chance of winning over Dooce, Scary Mommy and The Pioneer Woman, I would like to at least not humiliate myself by only getting a measly 8 votes. So please go vote, you can vote for as many people as you want, and I won't even be offended if you vote for Dooce while you are over there.
Oh yeah, and let me know what you are nominated for and I will be sure to go click on you in return! I am all about reciprocity.
Thanks to all my gorgeous, smart, talented, and HOT readers. (No, I am not sucking up, I just love showering you guys with praise and flattery. Is there something wrong with that?)
The first thing I wanted to share with you is that the company that I work for, Care.com, is having a promotion this weekend of the 24th to the 26th. Here are the details:
Care.com is holding its first-ever Free Weekend!This is an awesome opportunity and if you are looking for a caregiver for your little ones or parents, need a housekeeper or even a personal assistant, this site will help you find the perfect person. I have been working for them for over a year and have used their services to find a baby sitter and they are AWESOME. So hopefully some of you can take advantage of the free weekend!From Friday, April 24 through Sunday, April 26, Care.com will waive its regular subscription fee and allow full access to hundreds of thousands of pre-screened, high-quality babysitters, nannies, and other caregivers for free.
Experience the benefits of paid, premium membership for FREE!
- Post a job or search pre-screened caregivers
- Review background checks and references
- Contact your ideal caregiver!
Take advantage of this opportunity to start your search for summertime care. Don’t miss Care.com’s Free Weekend!
Program Details:
Premium access to Care.com is FREE between 12:00 am PDT April 24, 2009 and 11:59 pm PDT April 26, 2009.
In order to protect the privacy of our caregivers, Free Weekend members will not receive access to caregiver phone numbers and will only be able to message caregivers through Care.com.
Free weekend members’ ability to access Care.com messages and to send and receive new messages will end at 11:59 pm PDT on April 26, 2009.
Free weekend members will be able to request one FREE background check during Free Weekend.
Next, some of you may have noticed that He Blogs, She Blogs has been on a bit of a hiatus for the past few weeks. Or not, maybe I am flattering myself that anyone would notice. Either way, we are taking a bit of a break from HBSB, but it will be back and better than ever. I have decided to shake things up a bit and give this feature its very own blog where both Captain Dumbass and I will both post, as well as having special guests. Along with the change of venue, there will also be some changes in format you can expect to see. We will focus on one topic per post so we can really go into the subject, and it will be less like a question and answer session and more like actual topical posts. We will still need topic suggestions from everyone so get your thinking caps on and tell me and the Cap'n what you want us to really delve into.
And finally, you see that little badge over there to the left? Well, if you click on it, it will allow you to vote for me for the Blogger's Choice Awards for Hottest Mommy Blogger. Now I am not sure if this is "hot" as in I have bodacious ta-ta's and awesome hair or if it means that I am just on fire with bloggity notoriety, but either way, I would greatly appreciate it if you would go vote for me. Although I know I have no chance of winning over Dooce, Scary Mommy and The Pioneer Woman, I would like to at least not humiliate myself by only getting a measly 8 votes. So please go vote, you can vote for as many people as you want, and I won't even be offended if you vote for Dooce while you are over there.
Oh yeah, and let me know what you are nominated for and I will be sure to go click on you in return! I am all about reciprocity.
Thanks to all my gorgeous, smart, talented, and HOT readers. (No, I am not sucking up, I just love showering you guys with praise and flattery. Is there something wrong with that?)
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
You Can Take Your Stupid Job and Shove It
So, as you can tell by the title, I did not get the job :(
Here's the e-mail I received:
Last night I drowned my sorrows in half a bottle of Cabernet and maybe cried just a little bit.
Then I got on the computer and started searching for new opportunities and e-mailing people I thought could point me in the right direction. I may be down, but I'm certainly not out, and I would truly like to believe that everyone is correct in saying that this happened because something else better is waiting around the corner.
Or life just sucks.
Thankfully, I have the final book in the Twilight series to keep my mind off of things, although I must admit that I am hesitant because if Edward and Bella don't get married, FINALLY get it on (preferably in a VERY steamy sex scene) and make Bella immortal in this final installment, I may not have anything left to live for. Should I take the chance? WAIT! I take that back--DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING! The only thing worse would be a spoiler...
So thanks everyone for all the crossed fingers, prayers and positive vibes. I am sorry they were all in vain. But you guys are the absolute best and I am so lucky and blessed to have you. You are more than just readers and fellow bloggers...you are true friends.
No, I am not crying again! I have something in my eye...
Here's the e-mail I received:
Petra,
After a very difficult decision-making process, we've decided that, unfortunately, we're not going to be able to offer you the position of Guide to Baby's First Year at this time.
This was not an easy choice. Your pieces were well-written, informative and entertaining. You clearly know the topic well.
It's no fun for us to turn away qualified writers, but we only have room for one person for this topic.
Feel free to use the pieces however you like.
Thanks for all the time and work you put into the site.
Last night I drowned my sorrows in half a bottle of Cabernet and maybe cried just a little bit.
Then I got on the computer and started searching for new opportunities and e-mailing people I thought could point me in the right direction. I may be down, but I'm certainly not out, and I would truly like to believe that everyone is correct in saying that this happened because something else better is waiting around the corner.
Or life just sucks.
Thankfully, I have the final book in the Twilight series to keep my mind off of things, although I must admit that I am hesitant because if Edward and Bella don't get married, FINALLY get it on (preferably in a VERY steamy sex scene) and make Bella immortal in this final installment, I may not have anything left to live for. Should I take the chance? WAIT! I take that back--DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING! The only thing worse would be a spoiler...
So thanks everyone for all the crossed fingers, prayers and positive vibes. I am sorry they were all in vain. But you guys are the absolute best and I am so lucky and blessed to have you. You are more than just readers and fellow bloggers...you are true friends.
No, I am not crying again! I have something in my eye...
Monday, April 13, 2009
The Post That Almost Wasn't, and Then Was
I wasn't sure if I wanted to post today.
I don't have too much to say, but I really wanted to thank everyone who extended their warm wishes and condolences for the passing of my uncle. Last week was a hard week, and I am very glad to have it behind me. I am also done with my training for About.com and now the editor will review the work we have all done and make his decision. I tried to find out when I would find out, but I didn't get a straight answer, so I guess I just have to sit here with my stomach tied in knots and wait it out. At least it's beautiful outside and I have plenty of other things to distract me, such as the loads of laundry that were neglected last week and my disgustingly grimy bathroom in desperate need of a scrubbing.
I feel strangely optimistic and upbeat, which is making me a little nervous. I don't like feeling too confident, in order to avoid jinxing myself and getting my hopes too high, only to be crushed under the oppressive weight of rejection. But the week lays ahead of me like a clean slate and I intend on filling it with meaningful actions and a positive attitude. Even if I don't get the job. Although, I can't promise that if I am rejected that I might not crawl under the covers with a bottle of Cabernet and not come out for 24 hours. I should probably notify my husband that he needs to get the day off.
But I fully intend on crawling out of bed the next day with a full-on stellar attitude. Promise.
Thanks again to everyone for all the support and friendship. It helped so much knowing that you were all out there sending me positive vibes and praying for me and my family in our time of need.
I will be sure to let you all know as soon as I find out about the job, and promise not to hide in my rejection cocoon until after posting if it's bad news. Here's hoping for good news to share soon!
I don't have too much to say, but I really wanted to thank everyone who extended their warm wishes and condolences for the passing of my uncle. Last week was a hard week, and I am very glad to have it behind me. I am also done with my training for About.com and now the editor will review the work we have all done and make his decision. I tried to find out when I would find out, but I didn't get a straight answer, so I guess I just have to sit here with my stomach tied in knots and wait it out. At least it's beautiful outside and I have plenty of other things to distract me, such as the loads of laundry that were neglected last week and my disgustingly grimy bathroom in desperate need of a scrubbing.
I feel strangely optimistic and upbeat, which is making me a little nervous. I don't like feeling too confident, in order to avoid jinxing myself and getting my hopes too high, only to be crushed under the oppressive weight of rejection. But the week lays ahead of me like a clean slate and I intend on filling it with meaningful actions and a positive attitude. Even if I don't get the job. Although, I can't promise that if I am rejected that I might not crawl under the covers with a bottle of Cabernet and not come out for 24 hours. I should probably notify my husband that he needs to get the day off.
But I fully intend on crawling out of bed the next day with a full-on stellar attitude. Promise.
Thanks again to everyone for all the support and friendship. It helped so much knowing that you were all out there sending me positive vibes and praying for me and my family in our time of need.
I will be sure to let you all know as soon as I find out about the job, and promise not to hide in my rejection cocoon until after posting if it's bad news. Here's hoping for good news to share soon!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Taking a Deep Breath
Well, if you came here looking for He Blogs, She Blogs, I am sorry to say you're out of luck. We have forgone HBSB this week due to dumbassery and chaos on my part, but will be back on MONDAY next week (yes, we are trying to fuck with your mind) with the superior guest posts from Jen from Steenky Bee and Christopher from Cajoh. So come back then (on Monday. Did I mention it's on Monday? OK, good) and read the brilliant ramblings of Steenky Bee and then go to Us and Them for Christopher's take on things. It's gonna be awesome. Probably too awesome, and then I will look really bad, but whatever. I heart Jen anyway, even if she makes me feel totally inferior. I want to be like her when I grow up. And since she is only, like, two years older than me, that will be in about two years. So I'm getting close.
Today I can finally breathe a big sigh of relief, for the hardest part of the audition process for the About.com job is over. I sent in my last two pieces last night to the editor and now I should find out by tomorrow if I make it to the next round. In the next round, we learn how to upload our material to the website, so I am not really worried about that part. Although I am no techie geek, I know my way around a computer and even know a teensy weensie bit of html, so I think this part will pale in comparision to the pure terrifying stress of the first writerly part. Everybody cross your fingers, pray to your gods or deities and/or say some novenas for my poor little soul. I want this job so bad I can taste it. And it tastes like a really great bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.
In the good news department, I have lost seven pounds--yippee!!! I have been working my ass off on the Wii Fit, as well as eating well (low calorie, low carb, low sugar--BORING) and not drinking during the week (save me) and it seems to be paying off. I have also gone back on my PCOS medication, which makes me nauseous pretty much 24/7 so that helps with the whole "not eating" thing. But it sucks ass feeling like you are going to puke all the time. I haven't felt this way since I was pregnant with my daughter, and at least back then it was all for a good cause. Although I guess it's worth it if I lose these 33 pounds that I have left to lose. Who needs to feel good as long as you look smokin' hot in a bathing suit, right ladies?
So don't forget to come back Monday for the He Blogs, She Blogs guest posters. And please, say a little prayer for me?
Today I can finally breathe a big sigh of relief, for the hardest part of the audition process for the About.com job is over. I sent in my last two pieces last night to the editor and now I should find out by tomorrow if I make it to the next round. In the next round, we learn how to upload our material to the website, so I am not really worried about that part. Although I am no techie geek, I know my way around a computer and even know a teensy weensie bit of html, so I think this part will pale in comparision to the pure terrifying stress of the first writerly part. Everybody cross your fingers, pray to your gods or deities and/or say some novenas for my poor little soul. I want this job so bad I can taste it. And it tastes like a really great bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.
In the good news department, I have lost seven pounds--yippee!!! I have been working my ass off on the Wii Fit, as well as eating well (low calorie, low carb, low sugar--BORING) and not drinking during the week (save me) and it seems to be paying off. I have also gone back on my PCOS medication, which makes me nauseous pretty much 24/7 so that helps with the whole "not eating" thing. But it sucks ass feeling like you are going to puke all the time. I haven't felt this way since I was pregnant with my daughter, and at least back then it was all for a good cause. Although I guess it's worth it if I lose these 33 pounds that I have left to lose. Who needs to feel good as long as you look smokin' hot in a bathing suit, right ladies?
So don't forget to come back Monday for the He Blogs, She Blogs guest posters. And please, say a little prayer for me?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Random Tuesday Thoughts: I Want to Punch Jillian Michaels in the Face and My Ass Hurts
Random's the new black, so get in on the trendiness and head over to Keely's, grab the button and create some fabulous Randomocity. All the cool kids are doing it. And me.
Do any of you remember my post from WAY back about Jillian Michaels when nobody really read my blog and my posts really sucked and it was really embarrassing? No? Well good. But my point is that I wrote about Jillian Michaels being the devil, and I still stand by that statement because yesterday she proved it by totally kicking my ass on the Wii Fit all sneaky-like so I didn't even realize that she was kicking my ass and today I can barely move and my ass hurts. And I didn't even have any fun to result in the ass-ache. That little bitch created a game called Jillian Michaels Fitness Ultimatum and as you are doing it, you're like "eh, this is kinda lame, and it's not that hard," but then you start sweating and you're like "well, at least I am burning calories. I just wish I didn't have to listen to that skinny hag's voice through the whole thing." and then the next day you wake up and feel 80 years old. Yeah seriously. I have been working out almost EVERY DAY for the past month and have not been this sore. I swear she puts some subliminal messages in the game that convince your muscles to rebel and refuse to participate in movement anymore. She's just that much of a C U Next Tuesday.
I have to admit that the reason my arms are sore is because I have been having my bell rung by my husband who is obsessed with Wii baseball and is now an expert while I can hardly get on base and it's really bad for that self-esteem of mine. So I'm taking my ball and going home. I don't care if it makes me a bad loser.
So in addition to using the Wii Fit and playing baseball, I have been working like a MANIAC, doing my regular job and writing all these pieces for the About.com job that I am competing for, so I haven't been able to visit blogs and comment half as much as I want to or should. So I apologize and promise everyone that if I get this job, it is only going to get worse, so I guess I need to think of something to make it all up to you. I'll have to think of something real good to bribe all of you to keep coming back and reading, even if I don't reciprocate as much as usual. Any ideas? I'm open to anything other than money and blow jobs. I'm broke as a joke and my TMJ has really been acting up.
The good news is that I found out I am only competing against TWO other people for the job. So that seriously ups my odds of getting it since I was having nightmares that I was competing against, like, 10 other much more competent and experienced writers and they just put me in to meet their quota of Greek people or something. Let's hope the other two people get all wrapped in a cult and drop out or have complications from carpal tunnel surgery and can't type anymore. Then I'm definitely in.
So I am off to do the 53 things that are cluttering up my to-do list now. Please pray for me that I don't lose my mind being stuck in this house with the children and all this work to do, and I promise to come visit your blog soon and leave a witty, thoughtful comment. Well, I'll leave a comment, I can't promise it will be witty or thoughtful. But it's the thought that counts, right?
Go see Keely and check out all the random thoughts this week and I'll catch you on the flip side. Whatever that means.
Do any of you remember my post from WAY back about Jillian Michaels when nobody really read my blog and my posts really sucked and it was really embarrassing? No? Well good. But my point is that I wrote about Jillian Michaels being the devil, and I still stand by that statement because yesterday she proved it by totally kicking my ass on the Wii Fit all sneaky-like so I didn't even realize that she was kicking my ass and today I can barely move and my ass hurts. And I didn't even have any fun to result in the ass-ache. That little bitch created a game called Jillian Michaels Fitness Ultimatum and as you are doing it, you're like "eh, this is kinda lame, and it's not that hard," but then you start sweating and you're like "well, at least I am burning calories. I just wish I didn't have to listen to that skinny hag's voice through the whole thing." and then the next day you wake up and feel 80 years old. Yeah seriously. I have been working out almost EVERY DAY for the past month and have not been this sore. I swear she puts some subliminal messages in the game that convince your muscles to rebel and refuse to participate in movement anymore. She's just that much of a C U Next Tuesday.
I have to admit that the reason my arms are sore is because I have been having my bell rung by my husband who is obsessed with Wii baseball and is now an expert while I can hardly get on base and it's really bad for that self-esteem of mine. So I'm taking my ball and going home. I don't care if it makes me a bad loser.
So in addition to using the Wii Fit and playing baseball, I have been working like a MANIAC, doing my regular job and writing all these pieces for the About.com job that I am competing for, so I haven't been able to visit blogs and comment half as much as I want to or should. So I apologize and promise everyone that if I get this job, it is only going to get worse, so I guess I need to think of something to make it all up to you. I'll have to think of something real good to bribe all of you to keep coming back and reading, even if I don't reciprocate as much as usual. Any ideas? I'm open to anything other than money and blow jobs. I'm broke as a joke and my TMJ has really been acting up.
The good news is that I found out I am only competing against TWO other people for the job. So that seriously ups my odds of getting it since I was having nightmares that I was competing against, like, 10 other much more competent and experienced writers and they just put me in to meet their quota of Greek people or something. Let's hope the other two people get all wrapped in a cult and drop out or have complications from carpal tunnel surgery and can't type anymore. Then I'm definitely in.
So I am off to do the 53 things that are cluttering up my to-do list now. Please pray for me that I don't lose my mind being stuck in this house with the children and all this work to do, and I promise to come visit your blog soon and leave a witty, thoughtful comment. Well, I'll leave a comment, I can't promise it will be witty or thoughtful. But it's the thought that counts, right?
Go see Keely and check out all the random thoughts this week and I'll catch you on the flip side. Whatever that means.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Yes, I Would Jump Off a Cliff if My Friends Were Doing It
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Saturday, February 14, 2009
Happy Schmalentine's Day
Happy Valentine's Day to my kick-ass readers. I would give you all a nice, big, wet french kiss if I could (and if it wouldn't make my husband jealous).Have fun today, be safe, tell the people you love you love them and have lots of crazy, uninhibited bunny sex.
Cause THAT, my friends, is what Valentine's Day is all about.
XOXO
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Who's the Big Winner? Jim's the Big Winner!
For any of you who don't know where the title of this post is from, it was taken from one of the best movies of my high school years, Swingers. If you haven't seen it, watch it.
The purpose of this post is to announce that Jim from IPR is apparently the big winner of the Soap on a Rope trivia contest from my last post, even though I am pretty sure he should be exempt because he is my BFF, but I neglected to put the contest rules in the post, which would ban any relatives, sex slaves, internet buddies, lesbian lovers (that's you Cat), BFF's, or anyone else in any way affiliated with The Wise (Young) Mommy from participating. So you found the loophole Jim! Good for you, you sly bastard!
You're so money, and you don't even know it!
Jim wrote:
So now my good friend Jim is the proud winner of the "Willy Soap on a Rope"
A very special thank you to Kat at Three Bedroom Bungalow for finding this obviously perfect prize. I know Jim is going to love it and will get plenty of use out of it!
It's in the mail Jim. Enjoy! And thank you to the other three people who participated halfheartedly.
The purpose of this post is to announce that Jim from IPR is apparently the big winner of the Soap on a Rope trivia contest from my last post, even though I am pretty sure he should be exempt because he is my BFF, but I neglected to put the contest rules in the post, which would ban any relatives, sex slaves, internet buddies, lesbian lovers (that's you Cat), BFF's, or anyone else in any way affiliated with The Wise (Young) Mommy from participating. So you found the loophole Jim! Good for you, you sly bastard!
You're so money, and you don't even know it!
Jim wrote:
"aha! 'Old Spice' introduced 'Shower Soap with Cord' in 1953. The name was changed to 'Soap on a Rope' in 1983."
So now my good friend Jim is the proud winner of the "Willy Soap on a Rope"
A very special thank you to Kat at Three Bedroom Bungalow for finding this obviously perfect prize. I know Jim is going to love it and will get plenty of use out of it!
It's in the mail Jim. Enjoy! And thank you to the other three people who participated halfheartedly.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Interview Meme from Jim: More About ME (Lucky You) Wait, Please Don't Go...
Well, in case you haven't learned enough about me over the past couple of weeks, I was honored and pleased to have been chosen by Jim at IPR for the Interview Meme that has been coveted and desired by so many bloggers (sorry, it was fixed, cause I am his BFF and he is obligated). He came up with some incredible questions (and very deep, I may add) and although I feel about as deep as a puddle lately, I will try to answer these questions seriously and thoughtfully, with nary a mention of dildos or boobs. (haha, yeah right. I had you going there didn't I?) Well, here goes nothing. I hope I "do you" proud Jim (not a dirty reference, by the way, go read here and check out the comments and you will understand).
1. What is the bravest thing that you feel you've ever done? Physically, emotionally, or whatever.
Since I am a complete wimp and almost never take any physical chances at all, I would have to say that the bravest thing I ever did was to take on an emotionally stunted single dad, his 1-year-old son and his psychotic baby momma in my senior year of college. My family at the time would have told you it was the stupidest thing I ever did (sorry honey, they didn't all love and adore you then like they do now), but thank God I did. There was just something about him, and I fell in love with his little munchkin the minute I laid eyes on him, so I knew I couldn't walk away. I gave up all my friends, my social life and my intended career (acting) to pursue a relationship of which I had no idea where it would lead. So many times I was sure it was going to end in heartbreak--a messy, disastrous mistake; and although many times it hurt and tore all of us apart, it didn't end. It thrived and grew into the best friendship I have ever had and a family to treasure.
Plus, he's really good in bed.
2. What one talent do you wish you had that you don't?
This is an easy one. I wish I was superbly athletic. I want to be one of those people who can play any sport with ease and have a generic predisposition to be in top physical condition. Although I am not completely uncoordinated and I am not a bad dancer, other than that, I have always been hopelessly mediocre at EVERY sport I have ever attempted to participate in. Even as a pilates instructor and personal trainer, I was the one that had to work twice as hard to obtain similar results as others, and never really reached the peak performance and physique that I desired. When I look at those sinewy, long, lean muscular bodies on people that barely work out but can hit a ball going 100 miles an hour and can spike a volleyball with ferocity, I want to throw up. But that's a habit I am not going to revisit, and is another post altogether...
3. We all have our reasons for blogging but what would be your ultimate goal for your blog or as a blogger?
I would have to say my ultimate goal for blogging would to become insanely famous and attain the celebrity and riches that I rightly deserve. No, really.
Nah, I don't need to be a celebrity. But I would like to be known by a small group of respected people in the writing world by writing a book or column someday. That would be cool. Honestly, I love to write, I love the interaction of writing for the web and the blogosphere and would like to be able to make money doing something I love and working the least amount of hours possible so I can spend tons of times with my kids. That's it.
4. You can trade lives with any one person for a month. Who would it be and why?
1. What is the bravest thing that you feel you've ever done? Physically, emotionally, or whatever.
Since I am a complete wimp and almost never take any physical chances at all, I would have to say that the bravest thing I ever did was to take on an emotionally stunted single dad, his 1-year-old son and his psychotic baby momma in my senior year of college. My family at the time would have told you it was the stupidest thing I ever did (sorry honey, they didn't all love and adore you then like they do now), but thank God I did. There was just something about him, and I fell in love with his little munchkin the minute I laid eyes on him, so I knew I couldn't walk away. I gave up all my friends, my social life and my intended career (acting) to pursue a relationship of which I had no idea where it would lead. So many times I was sure it was going to end in heartbreak--a messy, disastrous mistake; and although many times it hurt and tore all of us apart, it didn't end. It thrived and grew into the best friendship I have ever had and a family to treasure.
Plus, he's really good in bed.
2. What one talent do you wish you had that you don't?
This is an easy one. I wish I was superbly athletic. I want to be one of those people who can play any sport with ease and have a generic predisposition to be in top physical condition. Although I am not completely uncoordinated and I am not a bad dancer, other than that, I have always been hopelessly mediocre at EVERY sport I have ever attempted to participate in. Even as a pilates instructor and personal trainer, I was the one that had to work twice as hard to obtain similar results as others, and never really reached the peak performance and physique that I desired. When I look at those sinewy, long, lean muscular bodies on people that barely work out but can hit a ball going 100 miles an hour and can spike a volleyball with ferocity, I want to throw up. But that's a habit I am not going to revisit, and is another post altogether...
3. We all have our reasons for blogging but what would be your ultimate goal for your blog or as a blogger?
I would have to say my ultimate goal for blogging would to become insanely famous and attain the celebrity and riches that I rightly deserve. No, really.
Nah, I don't need to be a celebrity. But I would like to be known by a small group of respected people in the writing world by writing a book or column someday. That would be cool. Honestly, I love to write, I love the interaction of writing for the web and the blogosphere and would like to be able to make money doing something I love and working the least amount of hours possible so I can spend tons of times with my kids. That's it.
4. You can trade lives with any one person for a month. Who would it be and why?
The Bloggess. Because I want to get into her sick, twisted and fascinating mind for just one day and experience what it feels like to be loved and adored by thousands on the interweb. And not give a shit.
5. There is a fire and your family is safe but you have the chance to save any one item from your home. What would it be and why?
Does a dog count as an item? Cause I would have to say my puppy face, Maggie, if so. But if she counts as a member of the family, then I would say I would grab my computer (and not for the selfish reasons you think...well, maybe a little bit), but because all my family photos are on the hard drive of my computer and there really is nothing else in this house that I care enough about to bother with. Thankfully, anything that means anything to us is in storage so all that would burn down here would be a lot of STUFF. Stuff that I can do without. A lot that I should probably get rid of NOW, fire or no fire. So I would grab my computer, save the pics of my kids and it would also be a nice little perk that I could blog about the fire in the hotel room.
6. You have the chance to go back in time and warn yourself before making a bad choice. What choice would it be and would you tell yourself?
Fuckin' Jim, has to make me really think and dig deep down into my pathetic little soul. Sigh. This is a tough question. Because there are SO many stupid things that I have done in my (sorta) short life, but I don't know how they would affect my life today so I am not sure if I would warn myself or not. What if I went back and warned myself about sleeping with some asshole in college (this is hypothetical of course because I didn't sleep with anyone until my wedding night--right, Mom?) and then instead of sleeping with him that night I went to a bar on campus and met some other guy who I thought was awesome and married him but then he turned on me and started beating me up like Jennifer Lopez in Closer and I had to go on the run and instead of today being happily married with two awesome kids and a cool blog, I was holed up in some safe house in Seattle with a vendetta and a really bad haircut? That would suck ass. So I don't think I would warn myself about anything. And, yes, I know I totally copped out of this answer and I don't care.
OK, now that I have convinced all of you just how crazy I ACTUALLY am, I will let you all go and ponder how much more well-adjusted you are than I am. You're welcome for making you feel better about yourself today. I am a giver, what can I say?
P.S. I just noticed I didn't mention dildos or boobs in that post. I am so deep.
P.P.S. I just made you say pee pee in your head.
P.P.S. Maybe I am not that deep...
5. There is a fire and your family is safe but you have the chance to save any one item from your home. What would it be and why?
Does a dog count as an item? Cause I would have to say my puppy face, Maggie, if so. But if she counts as a member of the family, then I would say I would grab my computer (and not for the selfish reasons you think...well, maybe a little bit), but because all my family photos are on the hard drive of my computer and there really is nothing else in this house that I care enough about to bother with. Thankfully, anything that means anything to us is in storage so all that would burn down here would be a lot of STUFF. Stuff that I can do without. A lot that I should probably get rid of NOW, fire or no fire. So I would grab my computer, save the pics of my kids and it would also be a nice little perk that I could blog about the fire in the hotel room.
6. You have the chance to go back in time and warn yourself before making a bad choice. What choice would it be and would you tell yourself?
Fuckin' Jim, has to make me really think and dig deep down into my pathetic little soul. Sigh. This is a tough question. Because there are SO many stupid things that I have done in my (sorta) short life, but I don't know how they would affect my life today so I am not sure if I would warn myself or not. What if I went back and warned myself about sleeping with some asshole in college (this is hypothetical of course because I didn't sleep with anyone until my wedding night--right, Mom?) and then instead of sleeping with him that night I went to a bar on campus and met some other guy who I thought was awesome and married him but then he turned on me and started beating me up like Jennifer Lopez in Closer and I had to go on the run and instead of today being happily married with two awesome kids and a cool blog, I was holed up in some safe house in Seattle with a vendetta and a really bad haircut? That would suck ass. So I don't think I would warn myself about anything. And, yes, I know I totally copped out of this answer and I don't care.
OK, now that I have convinced all of you just how crazy I ACTUALLY am, I will let you all go and ponder how much more well-adjusted you are than I am. You're welcome for making you feel better about yourself today. I am a giver, what can I say?
P.S. I just noticed I didn't mention dildos or boobs in that post. I am so deep.
P.P.S. I just made you say pee pee in your head.
P.P.S. Maybe I am not that deep...
Saturday, January 3, 2009
My 200th Post--200 Things I Love (Or Like a Lot) **UPDATED**
**UPDATE**
I just wanted to add here that this list was not given very much thought and I literally sat down and wrote whatever shit popped into my head and as many of my favorite bloggers that I could think of, and many of my favorites were left off the list. I feel bad that some of my absolute faves were left off the list so please feel free to e-mail me and harass me about not being included. Also, I should have listed separately my mother, father, husband, daughter, stepson, sisters, aunts, uncles, and in-laws. And sex should have been listed three times, while dildos listed twice. I think that covers everything...I never realized that a 200 favorite things list would be so complicated...
------------------------------------------------------------
Well folks, I just noticed that I was approaching my 200th post so I decided to do something special to commemorate it (and to torture you because, well, it's fun). So here are 200 things I love (or like a lot) in no particular order:
1. My family
2. My friends
3. My in-laws' cat, Cricket
4. My sister's cat Lilac
5. Blogging
6. Writing
7. Reading
8. Being thin
9. SEX
10. The smell of books
11. Coffee
12. WINE
13. Pasta
14. Bread
15. Pizza
16. Chocolate
17. Ice cream
18. Pie
19. Cake
20. Cheese
21. My daughter's smile
22. My daughter's laugh
23. My husband's ass
24. How my husband looks when he wears his glasses--HOT!
25. James Marsden
26. Ryan Gosling
27. Julia Roberts
28. Movies
29. Musicals
30. My dog
31. Acting
32. Singing
33. Dancing
34. Weddings
35. Music
36. Ice Skating
37. Roses
38. Swimming
39. California
40. My Blackberry
41. My ipod
42. My computer
43. My bed
44. Sleeping
45. DILDOS!!!
46. The Red Sox
47. The Patriots
48. Tom Brady
49. Monkeys
50. Puppies
51. Tiffany necklaces
52. SHOES
53. Jeans
54. Sweatpants
55. Babies
56. House
57. Hugh Laurie
58. American Idol
59. Ryan Seacrest
60. Pregnant bellies
61. Boobs
62. Kissing
63. Sunsets
64. The beach at night
65. Candles
66. Massages
67. Pedicures
68. Facials
69. Down comforters
70. The Jonas Brothers
71. The Laurie Berkner Band
72. Raffi
73. Trivial Pursuit
74. Tattoos
75. Body piercings
76. Mohawks
77. Brightly colored hair
78. A clean house
79. Well behaved kids
80. Feeling loved
81. Making people laugh
82. Giving hugs
83. Good conversation
84. Dinner in a great restaurant
85. Jim from IPR
86. He Blogs, She Blogs
87. Maggie, Dammitt
88. Vodka Mom
89. Elizabeth from Parenting Pink
90. Athena from Hot Child in the Suburbs
91. The Blogess
92. The Goodfather
93. Captain Dumbass
94. Busy Dad
95. Krystal from Mommy's Escape 6.0
96. The Stiletto Mom
97. Ron from CK's Lunchbox
98. Steenky Bee
99. Marinka from Motherhood in New York City
100. Braja
101. Casey from Half as Good as You
102. Jenny from Jiggety Jigg
103. The Redneck Mommy
104. Toni from A Daily Dose of Toni
105. Bee from Bee's Musings
106. Diane from Diane's Addled Ramblings
107. The Offended Blogger
108. Angie from Cup of Snarky
109. Cat from Zipbag of Bones
110. Cat from Three Bedroom Bungalow
111. Jay from Halftime Lessons
112. Black Hockey Jesus
113. Ballpoint pens
114. New journals
115. Scarves
116. Fun hats
117. Fleece blankets
118. Birthdays
119. Barbecues
120. Fireworks
121. Memories from my childhood
122. Reminiscing
123. Feeling appreciated
124. Shopping for clothes
125. Fall
126. Playing with my kids
127. Snuggling with my kids
128. Going on dates with my husband
129. Facebook
130. Playdates
131. Girls' Night Outs
132. Sex toy parties
133. SUV's
134. GPS navigation systems
135. Digital cameras
136. Pictures of my family
137. Dolphins
138. Penguins
139. The aquarium
140. New York City
141. Live theater
142. Long hair
142. Going to the hair dresser
143. Air hockey
144. Pinball
145. Bowling
146. Miniature golf
147. The color pink
148. The number 21
149. Raspberry Stoli
150. Beer
151. Peanuts
152. Pretzels
153. Chicken noodle soup
154. Grilled cheese sandwiches
156. Warm baths
157. Going to the park
158. Seeing old friends
159. Daydreaming
160. Being spontaneous
161. Dave Matthews Band
162. Elvis Costello
163. David Bowie
164. The Beatles
165. Jeff Buckley
166. Gwen Stefani
167. Johnny Cash
168. Tori Amos
169. Duran Duran
170. Rick Springfield
171. The Cars
172. The Police
173. Old Madonna
174. Old Michael Jackson
175. The Brat Pack
176. To Kill a Mockingbird
177. Van Gogh paintings
178. Black and white photos
179. Ann Geddes
180. Steve Carell
181. Flip-flops
182. Capri pants
183. A line dresses
184. Black clothing
185. Curly hair
186. Eye makeup
187. The smell of baby powder
188. Popcorn
189. Pilates
190. Bonfires
191. The smell of fire
192. The smell of gasoline
193. Iced tea
194. Fireplaces
195. Little kids
196. Getting dressed up
197. Feeling sexy
198. Superman
199. Girls who kick ass
200. DILDOS!!
There you have it. If you made it through the whole list, you are either a wonderful, loyal reader or have way too much time on your hands. Either way, thanks.
Here's to another 200 in 2009!
P.S. If you want to visit any of the blogs listed here, they are all on my blogroll. Sorry, I was too lazy to link them all.
I just wanted to add here that this list was not given very much thought and I literally sat down and wrote whatever shit popped into my head and as many of my favorite bloggers that I could think of, and many of my favorites were left off the list. I feel bad that some of my absolute faves were left off the list so please feel free to e-mail me and harass me about not being included. Also, I should have listed separately my mother, father, husband, daughter, stepson, sisters, aunts, uncles, and in-laws. And sex should have been listed three times, while dildos listed twice. I think that covers everything...I never realized that a 200 favorite things list would be so complicated...
------------------------------------------------------------
Well folks, I just noticed that I was approaching my 200th post so I decided to do something special to commemorate it (and to torture you because, well, it's fun). So here are 200 things I love (or like a lot) in no particular order:
1. My family
2. My friends
3. My in-laws' cat, Cricket
4. My sister's cat Lilac
5. Blogging
6. Writing
7. Reading
8. Being thin
9. SEX
10. The smell of books
11. Coffee
12. WINE
13. Pasta
14. Bread
15. Pizza
16. Chocolate
17. Ice cream
18. Pie
19. Cake
20. Cheese
21. My daughter's smile
22. My daughter's laugh
23. My husband's ass
24. How my husband looks when he wears his glasses--HOT!
25. James Marsden
26. Ryan Gosling
27. Julia Roberts
28. Movies
29. Musicals
30. My dog
31. Acting
32. Singing
33. Dancing
34. Weddings
35. Music
36. Ice Skating
37. Roses
38. Swimming
39. California
40. My Blackberry
41. My ipod
42. My computer
43. My bed
44. Sleeping
45. DILDOS!!!
46. The Red Sox
47. The Patriots
48. Tom Brady
49. Monkeys
50. Puppies
51. Tiffany necklaces
52. SHOES
53. Jeans
54. Sweatpants
55. Babies
56. House
57. Hugh Laurie
58. American Idol
59. Ryan Seacrest
60. Pregnant bellies
61. Boobs
62. Kissing
63. Sunsets
64. The beach at night
65. Candles
66. Massages
67. Pedicures
68. Facials
69. Down comforters
70. The Jonas Brothers
71. The Laurie Berkner Band
72. Raffi
73. Trivial Pursuit
74. Tattoos
75. Body piercings
76. Mohawks
77. Brightly colored hair
78. A clean house
79. Well behaved kids
80. Feeling loved
81. Making people laugh
82. Giving hugs
83. Good conversation
84. Dinner in a great restaurant
85. Jim from IPR
86. He Blogs, She Blogs
87. Maggie, Dammitt
88. Vodka Mom
89. Elizabeth from Parenting Pink
90. Athena from Hot Child in the Suburbs
91. The Blogess
92. The Goodfather
93. Captain Dumbass
94. Busy Dad
95. Krystal from Mommy's Escape 6.0
96. The Stiletto Mom
97. Ron from CK's Lunchbox
98. Steenky Bee
99. Marinka from Motherhood in New York City
100. Braja
101. Casey from Half as Good as You
102. Jenny from Jiggety Jigg
103. The Redneck Mommy
104. Toni from A Daily Dose of Toni
105. Bee from Bee's Musings
106. Diane from Diane's Addled Ramblings
107. The Offended Blogger
108. Angie from Cup of Snarky
109. Cat from Zipbag of Bones
110. Cat from Three Bedroom Bungalow
111. Jay from Halftime Lessons
112. Black Hockey Jesus
113. Ballpoint pens
114. New journals
115. Scarves
116. Fun hats
117. Fleece blankets
118. Birthdays
119. Barbecues
120. Fireworks
121. Memories from my childhood
122. Reminiscing
123. Feeling appreciated
124. Shopping for clothes
125. Fall
126. Playing with my kids
127. Snuggling with my kids
128. Going on dates with my husband
129. Facebook
130. Playdates
131. Girls' Night Outs
132. Sex toy parties
133. SUV's
134. GPS navigation systems
135. Digital cameras
136. Pictures of my family
137. Dolphins
138. Penguins
139. The aquarium
140. New York City
141. Live theater
142. Long hair
142. Going to the hair dresser
143. Air hockey
144. Pinball
145. Bowling
146. Miniature golf
147. The color pink
148. The number 21
149. Raspberry Stoli
150. Beer
151. Peanuts
152. Pretzels
153. Chicken noodle soup
154. Grilled cheese sandwiches
156. Warm baths
157. Going to the park
158. Seeing old friends
159. Daydreaming
160. Being spontaneous
161. Dave Matthews Band
162. Elvis Costello
163. David Bowie
164. The Beatles
165. Jeff Buckley
166. Gwen Stefani
167. Johnny Cash
168. Tori Amos
169. Duran Duran
170. Rick Springfield
171. The Cars
172. The Police
173. Old Madonna
174. Old Michael Jackson
175. The Brat Pack
176. To Kill a Mockingbird
177. Van Gogh paintings
178. Black and white photos
179. Ann Geddes
180. Steve Carell
181. Flip-flops
182. Capri pants
183. A line dresses
184. Black clothing
185. Curly hair
186. Eye makeup
187. The smell of baby powder
188. Popcorn
189. Pilates
190. Bonfires
191. The smell of fire
192. The smell of gasoline
193. Iced tea
194. Fireplaces
195. Little kids
196. Getting dressed up
197. Feeling sexy
198. Superman
199. Girls who kick ass
200. DILDOS!!
There you have it. If you made it through the whole list, you are either a wonderful, loyal reader or have way too much time on your hands. Either way, thanks.
Here's to another 200 in 2009!
P.S. If you want to visit any of the blogs listed here, they are all on my blogroll. Sorry, I was too lazy to link them all.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Merry Christmas--Don't Drink Too Much
Merry Christmas to my incredibly awesome readers. For me, today and tomorrow will be spent trying to keep the children from orbiting into space from hyperactivity and sugar consumption, while simultaneously explaining how Christmas is "not about the hundreds of gifts, but about being with your family." I consider it a successful Christmas if my 8-year-old stepson refrains from tossing aside gifts he doesn't like and asking where the rest of them are. You gotta love the spirit of Christmas.
All joking aside, enjoy your families, enjoy your children and don't drink too much. Enjoy the looks of wonderment and magic on your kids' faces, and the hugs and kisses from all the relatives you haven't seen all year. Most importantly, try to relax, don't think about the mountains of bills awaiting you in 2009 and eat as much as you want. Cause that is what Christmas is all about.
Ho, ho, ho ;)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Eight Reasons Why I Suck This Christmas...
I was going to do the Top Ten Reasons Why I Suck This Christmas, but I found that I don't suck that bad, but bad enough for eight good reasons. Seriously, I have the least Christmas spirit this year than any other before, so I am going to share with you what makes me the suckiest of the sucky Grinchy Scrooges this year:
Eight Reasons Why I Suck This Christmas
8. I have not, and will not be sending out Christmas cards with cute pictures of my children in them, as I have done in past years. For this one, I will say "you're welcome," for this will save you the trouble of putting it on display just in case I come over, only to have to take it down after Christmas and debate about whether to throw it away or not.
7. I have bought four, yes count 'em, four presents as of today, nine days from the big day. This is partially because I have not had any motivation or desire to battle the crowds, and also because I have no money.
6. I have found myself occasionally mumbling "Bah Humbug" and other such non-Christmasy sentiments under my breath (such as "fuck you" and "kiss my ass"). Sorry Jesus.
5. This is the Christmas tree I could afford (and have the room for) IF I was getting a Christmas tree (which I am not):
4. I am giving my husband something for Christmas that I got for free. But it's something really good that I could have kept for myself, so I am telling myself that this is the ultimate gift of sacrifice. Work with me here, people.
3. I have actually pondered whether I could convince my children that Christmas was cancelled this year due to an epidemic outbreak of influenza among the elves at the North Pole.
2. What I am looking forward to most on Christmas is eating the cookies the children leave out for Santa, and...
The number one reason I suck this Christmas:
1. I shrunk my Santa Girl costume and was forced to give it to my daughter for her Build-a-Bear
(Sorry honey)
So there you have it. I hope you don't suck as bad as I do this year. And I hope you have a Merry fucking Christmas fuckers.
*kiss kiss
Eight Reasons Why I Suck This Christmas
8. I have not, and will not be sending out Christmas cards with cute pictures of my children in them, as I have done in past years. For this one, I will say "you're welcome," for this will save you the trouble of putting it on display just in case I come over, only to have to take it down after Christmas and debate about whether to throw it away or not.
7. I have bought four, yes count 'em, four presents as of today, nine days from the big day. This is partially because I have not had any motivation or desire to battle the crowds, and also because I have no money.
6. I have found myself occasionally mumbling "Bah Humbug" and other such non-Christmasy sentiments under my breath (such as "fuck you" and "kiss my ass"). Sorry Jesus.
5. This is the Christmas tree I could afford (and have the room for) IF I was getting a Christmas tree (which I am not):
4. I am giving my husband something for Christmas that I got for free. But it's something really good that I could have kept for myself, so I am telling myself that this is the ultimate gift of sacrifice. Work with me here, people.3. I have actually pondered whether I could convince my children that Christmas was cancelled this year due to an epidemic outbreak of influenza among the elves at the North Pole.
2. What I am looking forward to most on Christmas is eating the cookies the children leave out for Santa, and...
The number one reason I suck this Christmas:
1. I shrunk my Santa Girl costume and was forced to give it to my daughter for her Build-a-Bear
(Sorry honey)So there you have it. I hope you don't suck as bad as I do this year. And I hope you have a Merry fucking Christmas fuckers.
*kiss kiss
Saturday, December 13, 2008
If That's What You're Into...
Please watch this and if you don't have HBO and have never seen this show, The Flight of the Conchords, you must go to Youtube and watch all their clips, because they are HILARIOUS!!
This makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside...I hope it does the same for you.
What are you into?
This makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside...I hope it does the same for you.
What are you into?
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