Thursday, July 30, 2009

He Blogs, She Blogs: Wiggly Dick?

Yup, Wiggly Dick. Click the link and find out.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Summer, Where Are You Going? Get Back Here...

Is anyone else incredulous that it is going to be August in a mere four days? I mean, really, where did the summer go? I am freaking out about the fact that in just over a month, it is going to be time to send my stepson to third grade and my 3-year-old to (GULP) pre-school. There is school shopping to be done, schedules to get back on track and anxieties to be soothed (specifically mine). I am not sure about this whole "letting go" concept and have severely mixed emotions about sending my baby off to be taken care of by strangers. She has never been to day care and never looked after by anyone other than family, so this is going to be a big transition for her. And especially for mommy.

I know she will be fine. She is dying to go and talks every day about going to school. She regularly gets her Dora The Explorer backpack on and tells me "today's the day to go to school." But my heart sinks every time I think about dropping her off with her little backpack and having to drive away home, without her. But another part of me is thrilled to have a few hours a week to be able to get work done without the constant toddler chatter in my ear and the ever present sounds of various cartoon characters on television in the background. I may actually get to sit in silence and work without interruption, and that is a beautiful thing.

But what if she doesn't like it? What if there is a mean kid in her class that takes her toys and pulls her hair and she cries for me, and I am not there? Intellectually, I know that these are all things that every small child may deal with in their first experiences at school, but emotionally, it terrifies me. Right now I am the one to kiss her boo-boos and hug her when she is sad. She relies on me for everything from taking her to the potty to getting her something to drink. And soon I will be passing those responsibilities over to someone else that I do not know. Can I go with her? Please?

They might just have to forcibly remove me from the room on the first day. And maybe on the second too. However, on the third day, I might--just might--go get some coffee and work on getting over it--totally alone.

Yes, that might be nice.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

He Blogs, She Blogs: Balls, Balls Everywhere...

Go check out this week's edition of He Blogs, She Blogs. The Captain and I are talking about SPORTS. If you are anything like me, sports are a big part of your life (against your will, of course).

And there is a really sweet picture of Tom Brady. You're welcome ladies ;)

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Sex and The Suburbs: A Little Experimentation Goes a Long Way...

Sex and the Suburbs

Go check out this week's column and get some new, exciting ideas on how to spice up the bedroom after kids have come into the picture!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Alive and Kickin'

Yes, I am still alive. I know I have been rather MIA lately on this blog, and I apologize for that. I also haven't been making my rounds on all of your blogs as often as I used to, and that makes me feel sufficiently craptastic. But as we all know, life can be rather demanding sometimes and I have been dealing with all those pesky things in life such as working, children and trying to stay sane.

The good news is that my daughter is sleeping again. And not only is she sleeping, but she is sleeping GREAT, even better than she was before her sleeping problems arose. I want to thank you all for your awesome advice. It was so helpful to have a variety of advice and things to try from all different kinds of moms and dads with all different experiences. In the end, we went with melatonin (after checking with the doctor) and letting her cry unless she had to go to the bathroom, and in that case one of us would go up, bring her to the bathroom without stimulating conversation and put her back to bed with a simple "I love you, goodnight." It only took about three or four nights, and each night she woke up less often and cried a little less. For the past five nights, she has gone to bed happily, without a problem and slept straight through the night, often sleeping late in the mornings and waking up bright eyed and bushy tailed. No more fears. No more monsters. And she actually enjoys snuggling up in her bed at night again. Can I get a "hallelujah?"

So this mommy is pretty happy because she has gotten lots of much needed sleep in the past week. Yay for sleep! Just like anything, you really take for granted a good night's sleep.

I am taking time this week to take some stock in my life and make some important decisions. I need to simplify, prioritize and downsize, as well as get serious about starting my book proposal. So I will try to visit your blogs, but I may not get to posting around here this week. Captain Dumbass and I will be over at He Blogs, She Blogs on Thursday though, so be sure to check in. And as always, my column over at SexIs Magazine goes up on Wednesday.

Thank you again to everyone for all your support and advice--it is greatly appreciated!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

He Blogs, She Blogs: Ladies Night!

This week at He Blogs, She Blogs, the Captain and I are talking about getting out for Guys/Girls Night Out. Otherwise known for the females as the infamous "Ladies Night." Check it out. And watch this cause Kool and the Gang rules:

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Sex and The Suburbs: The Demystification of the Suburban Mother-Goddess Archetype

Go check out this week's edition of Sex and The Suburbs--it's all about experimentation this week and you won't want to miss it (especially if you are looking for some ideas on how to spice things up in the bedroom!)

Thanks and Happy Wednesday everyone!

Friday, July 10, 2009

We'll Sleep When We're Dead

My 3-year-old has decided that sleep is for losers.

Because for the past three nights, she has woken up anywhere from three to five times during the night, each time staying awake for hours at a time, crying and screaming hysterically. She needs to go potty. I go bring her to the potty and put her bad in bed, but she wants me to stay with her and cries when I go back to bed. Then she cries that she has to go potty AGAIN 10 minutes later, and when I don't come get her, it turns into screams of terror because she thinks there is a monster in her room. When that goes unanswered, she tries the potty tactic again, and then starts with "it's too dark in my room!" despite the nightlight right next to her bed that illuminates the whole room.

I lay in my bed, listening to her anguish, my stomach in knots and my heart breaking with each wail. I do everything in my power to keep myself in the bed and not upstairs to rescue her from her room and bring her to my bed where she will find peace. When she finally ends up in complete hysterics, I go up to try to soothe her and convince her that she needs to sleep in her own bed and that she is keeping everyone awake with her crying. She asks me to spray the "monster spray" that we have especially for keeping fears away, so I do. She clings to me, pulls me to her bed and begs me to take her downstairs. I lay with her for a few minutes, stroking her cheek and running my fingers through her hair, and as I see her eyelids begin to droop, I ease myself out of the bed.

But then she wakes up and begins crying. And the cycle starts all over again.

This went on from 3 a.m. last night until 5:30 when I finally went and got her out of bed and let her sit on the couch and watch television. I just couldn't listen to her cry anymore. I feel like the worst mother ever, letting my kid cry rather than let her sleep in my bed, but I don't want to lose this fight. We want her to sleep in her own bed, and I know if we let her sleep in ours that she won't learn to feel safe on her own and it will be a bigger fight down the road to break the habit. But I have run out of tactics and know that I can't go on much longer like this. I am sleep deprived, frustrated and angry, which is not a good combination. I am having a hard time concentrating during the day and my patience is wearing thin because I am so tired.

I need some advice. Please, if you have any words of wisdom about toddlers and night waking, I would greatly appreciate you sharing it. We already do a soothing bedtime routine, she goes to bed nice and early, we spray lavender spray in the room to calm her and keep the "monsters" away, and she gets soothing music. When she wakes up, I let her cry unless she needs to go the the bathroom, and then I go bring her to the bathroom and put her back in bed. I soothe her, tell her there is nothing to be afraid of and that mommy and daddy are right downstairs and she is safe. Then I leave her to her crying until she gets too hysterical and if I think she is really getting out of control, I go back to check on her and soothe her a bit more. Is there anything else I can try? Should I completely ignore her crying and never go see to her unless she is sick or hurt? What else can I do?

Please help. I know there is probably no magic answer for this problem, but if you have any suggestions or things that have worked for you and your children, I would love to hear it.

Thank you from this very tired mommy.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

He Blog, She Blogs: Halo Edition

Hey everyone. He Blogs, She Blogs is up (despite my extreme tardiness) if you would like to go take a gander at what the Captain and I think about video games. I think we finally disagree on something...

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A Piece Of Advice

So, say your 3-year-old is kind enough to sleep nice and late one morning so you get some peaceful, relaxing quiet time all to yourself. And let's just imagine that your 9-year-old also sleeps late. Then, hypothetically speaking, you write about said children sleeping late and how absolutely divine it is and everyone is jealous and they tell you how lucky you are.

Well, don't get too excited, because you may have just jinxed yourself and that night the 3-year-old might just decide to cry ALL NIGHT LONG and then wake up at 5 a.m. ready and raring to go, and you might cry because you are so tired and kick yourself for bragging about how your kids were sleeping late because now the sleep gods are totally FUCKING WITH YOU.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The Sound of Silence

As I sit here this morning, with a fantastic cup of coffee at my right and my laptop at my fingertips, I am enjoying something that I very rarely have the pleasure of enjoying.


We take it for granted, don't we? Just being able to sit in peace and quiet, allowing thoughts to come in and out of our heads in a complete evolution, without the interruption of a whine, a cry or a call for help. There were days many years ago when I would enjoy silence for hours at a time, and would usually try to fill the silence with music, television or conversation. Now I yearn for it, and bask in it when I am lucky enough to be surrounded by it.

In other words, thank you, my sweet, darling daughter, for sleeping late this morning.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Harsh Reality (Warning: Brutally Honest and Raw)

I have had to come to terms with a harsh reality as of late:

I can't do everything.

It sucks. It really does. I mean, I know that is the nature of a "harsh reality" by definition, but I really have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that I am not Alpha Mom, and I never will be.

Since finally becoming a paid writer, it has become glaringly obvious that people were not meant to work full time from home with children unless they have a nanny. I mean, seriously people, I have a hard enough time taking care of myself, the children, my husband, the house, and the dog, and then throwing on top of that a blog, two regular writing gigs, writing a book, and a part time editing job just basically makes me a flighty, chicken with her head cut off mess. I would like to say that I am putting my husband and children first all the time, but unfortunately I am not (most of the time, yes, but not all the time). And I am forgetting things, letting things go that I shouldn't, and definitely not showering as often as I should.

But the conundrum is: what do I let go of? We can't afford for me to quit any of my jobs, and I love what I am doing. Writing this book could be a huge turning point for our family, so I don't want to abandon that project. And I love my blog and all my readers and would never want to stop posting here. I have already cut back my showering as much as is hygienically practical, and I haven't been working out at all because I literally do not have the time. The only thing that I could do is stop my one hobby that I do to decompress and relax, and that is reading. But then, what am I left with for me?

Do I accept that at this point in my life there just is no place for "me" time? Do I suck it up and realize it is a sacrifice for my career and the well-being of my family? I don't know the answer to this question, and I am not asking for you all to solve it for me. I just need to send this problem out into the universe, with the hopes that it will knock something loose in my head to enlighten me.

Don't get me wrong, I am THRILLED with my professional success, and I love being at home with my kids; I wouldn't give it up for the world. But at what point do I realize that I am spread just a little too thin? God forbid, something really suffered because of it, and I would never be able to forgive myself. And I hate that my daughter, at 3 years old, doesn't understand that I don't want to have to say no when she asks me to play with her sometimes. I have been trying to get the kids out to do activities and fun things, but that just means that when I am at home, I have to basically be chained to my laptop.

Advice is welcome, but please no attacks on me being a terrible mother who needs to quit her jobs and spend more time with her children. This is a very honest post, very close to my heart, and I would appreciate some respect for the fact that this is the life that I chose, to work and be with my kids. And no, it isn't perfect, and no, I can't devote myself to them 100% of the time 100% of the day. But I am doing my best. And that's all I know how to do.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Sex and The Suburbs: The S-E-X Talk

Today's edition of Sex and The Suburbs is all about talking to your kids about you and your mate's nighttime antics. I would love it if you would go read, and let me know what you think in the forum post below or send me an e-mail with your feedback, stories, etc.

Also, you can now take my motherhood and sex survey here:

Click Here to take survey

Just click on the link, answer the questions and it is completely anonymous! Your information may be used in a future column, or in my book.

Thanks everyone, Happy Wednesday!