Random Tuesday Thoughts: The Randomest of All

It's Tuesday and I am joining in the fun with Keely and the gang (not to be confused with Kool and The Gang) and doing a Random Tuesday Thoughts post this week! I know, it's exciting. Try to contain your excitement and head over there and get the button yourself to write some random junk. Cause, well, it's fun. And fun is fun. And who doesn't like fun?

Speaking of fun, over the weekend, I went to the Muse/Silver Sun Pickups concert at TD Banknorth Garden with two of my awesomest friends from college. Now this was fun, but would have been a lot MORE fun if I didn't have the beginnings of a stomach bug. Have you ever ridden the subway and walked around the city, then sat in a loud stadium and danced and screamed your little heart out, all the while feeling like your stomach was going to come rushing out of your mouth and experiencing a serious case of the cold sweats? No? Consider yourself lucky. It's not an experience I recommend to anyone. However, seeing Muse live I HIGHLY recommend because it was INCREDIBLE. The stage was amazing; they played in the round with three illuminated pillars that came up out of the stage that they played on for some of the songs and that played video of various eyegasms, from a man swimming in water that slowly rose and filled the pillar, to clips of the actual audience, to men going up and down stairs and falling like dominoes. It was just so freaking cool. Then there were the lasers. Then there were the GIANT beach balls that looked like eyeballs that fell from the ceiling that were filled with confetti. Oh yeah, then there was the MUSIC. Which, of course, in true Muse style was epic and even better live than recorded. I can't wait to see them again when I don't feel like I am going to barf all over the people in front of me.

The good news is that I made it home without throwing up on anyone in the stadium or on the train, but then spent the rest of the night on all fours with my head over the toilet bowl. I even slept on the bathroom floor for about an hour or so. I am actually pretty proud of myself. After 30 years, I finally no longer cry or ask for my mommy when I vomit. I dealt with my illness in silence (well, as silent as you can be when you are puking your guts out) and crawled onto the couch at 7:30 in the morning, where my husband and daughter found me sleeping when they woke up. Luckily, my awesome husband let me go to bed for the day and took care of the little one and I slept until 3:00 in the afternoon. But, unlike the kids, who were up and running around 12 hours after the onset of their symptoms of the stomach bug, it took me a full 48 hours to get back to feeling normal again. Am I getting old? Wait, don't answer that...

I forgot to tell you guys something, I am writing for another blog. Don't worry, I will never love writing for it as much as I love writing for this one. It doesn't mean the same thing as The Wise Young Mommy does. This will always be my first blog love. But my friend started a Pop Culture blog and asked me to start creating some content for it because he intends to monetize it soon, so it could mean some money for me in the near future and I couldn't pass it up. I am now writing over at PopCultureFan.com, doing weekly American Idol recaps and various other pieces on television, movies and general pop culture news. So head over if you're sick of reading CNN and want some really hard-hitting journalism. Heh.

Yeah, I'm a sellout. All the way.

Also, I might be writing about the Boston Red Sox for a sports blog soon. Don't laugh. I KNOW my baseball. And also, I have boobs, and they want a woman's perspective. Surprisingly enough, I have more to offer than how they look in their uniforms, so you may actually see me as the next token chick sports writer on this cool sports blog that I can't tell you the name of yet. Stay tuned.

So that's all the randomness I have today. Remember to go read all the other fabulous random posts linked up over at The Un-Mom and link up your own random post if you got one!

Peace out!

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Yes, Petra, There is a Santa Claus

Today I am participating in the much celebrated and super awesome Random Tuesday Thoughts hosted by Keely over at The Un-Mom, so grab that button up there, visit her over at her pad and write some random stuff of your own on your own blog. But first read this and don't steal it. Get your own randomness, this is MINE.

Just when you think things can't get any worse, they do. Yup, they get a LOT worse. So then you are convinced that things are never going to get any BETTER and you start to get used to your cursed life. You accept that you have no money, never will and will just have to suck it up, that the only luck you will ever have is bad luck, but that it's alright because you have family that loves you and pretty good hair so it's cool. But then something happens. Something you don't recognize. It takes you a minute to figure it out, but then you realize that it's something...good. That something good happened to me today people. After about a month and a half of absolutely ZERO job prospects from dozens of resumes and job applications sent out, I heard from TWO different prospective employers. Then I had a phone interview with one of them.

And I got the job.

I fucking rule.

It's a very part time copy editing and blogging gig for a start up upscale event planning company in Boston, and it certainly isn't going to solve all our money problems, but it's a start, and it's something GOOD, so I'm happy. It doesn't take much lately. Plus, the owner is simply fabulous and we hit it off right away so I am really looking forward to this new opportunity. So Merry Christmas to me, there IS a Santa Claus!

Next, I want to talk about this:

This photo is taken from the blog of Bob X. Cringely. This is his family's ACTUAL, REAL -LIFE Christmas card.

Um, really Bob? I was literally left speechless. I am not even going to say what I think. I want to know what YOU think about this little gem.

On to a picture with a lot less skin and a lot more cute little girl.

I am pretty sure this is the picture I am choosing for Quinn's portfolio picture for the modeling agency. Oh, you didn't know that my child is a bidding young model/actress/rock star? Well, she is. There were so many cute ones to choose from that my friend, Jennifer DeCesari took, but I think this one is the winner. Go check out her web site for more of her awesome photography.

So what do you think? And please keep your opinions about child modeling to yourself if they involve the fact that you think I am exploiting my child. She WANTS to do this, and if she is successful, it will send her to college. So bite me.

Finally, I wanted to tell you about the conversation that I had with my daughter at bedtime last night. She informed me that she has changed her mind and does not, in fact, want to marry Joe Jonas anymore. I know, I know, I was surprised too. I mean, he seems like the logical choice. But she has her mind absolutely made up that she would like to marry someone else. A young man who embodies everything that is good and fun in her little world, the young man who has taught her countless priceless lessons in life and about the value of a really good pillow fight.

This young man is her brother.

"I am going to marry Big Boy. He will be the daddy and I will be the mommy," she said to me.

As I tried my absolute hardest not to laugh, I said to her "Honey, you can't marry Big Boy, he is your brother. You're not allowed to marry your brother."

Her eyes filled up with tears and her lip quivered and I had to try even harder not to laugh. I know, I am a terrible, insensitive mother.

"Please, mommy? Please? I want to marry Big Boy. I really do!"

And when I shook my head, she burst into hysterical tears and I had to hug her and bury her head into my shoulder so she couldn't see the pained, trying-so--incredibly-hard-not-to-burst-into-laughter look on my face.

I finally got her calmed down and tucked into bed, and she cried herself to sleep, the poor little thing. I went into Big Boy's room and told him what happened, thinking he would get a kick out of it.

"Hey Big Boy, Baby Girl just got really upset because I told her she couldn't marry you because you are her brother."

He looked up from his Nintendo DS, rolled his eyes and said "Tell her not to worry, I'll help her find a husband."

Now that, my friends, is real brotherly love.

Happy holidays everyone. I love you and appreciate you all. Enjoy your families this season, be safe, have fun, and try not to get stressed out. Remember what matters.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Toy With Me, Preschool and The Third Grade Blues

No, you are not hallucinating, I am participating in RANDOM TUESDAY THOUGHTS for the first time in, oh, four months, six days and 22 hours or so (not that I am keeping count). So yeah, head over to Keely's, grab the button and regurgitate some random thoughts of your own. I forgot how much fun it is; seriously, it's better than therapy and you don't get your husband looking at you with that blank stare, grunting "uh-huh."

-Have you been to ToyWithMe.com? Well, if you haven't, you need to get your ass over there, because 1. It's awesome, and 2. It's going to be even more awesome later this week when I begin writing a bi-weekly column on motherhood, marriage, sex, and relationships. Yes people, this Wise Young Mommy has a new gig, so you can get your fix even more often.

What more could you ask for?

-In two short weeks, my 3-year-old daughter will start preschool (SOB, GASP, HICCUP) and my 9-year-old stepson starts third grade. One is very excited for the new adventure, the other not so much. Can you guess which is which? Well, let me just tell you this: when asked if he was excited to go back to school, the 9-year-old Playstation Prodigy replied, with a look that could only be described as utter disgust, "No." That's it. No elaboration, no diatribe on the evils of third grade, just No, plain and simple. I think he is in denial.

-Speaking of denial, I was totally denied a car through Cash for Clunkers so I am starting to think that this whole "government helping us" thing really isn't working. What is up with telling us last week that there was another $2 billion available for all of us driving gasoline guzzling tanks and then ripping it out from underneath us with merely three days' notice? Yeah, not so thrilled with that. My dreams of owning my very first brand new car have been trampled on and squashed. Off I go to the used car dealerships...

-I found THE perfect pair of jeans that make me feel like a sexy, bootylicious slighter fatter (but still smokin' hot), much whiter version of Beyonce. The funny thing is: I have NO idea where they came from. I already asked my husband, calmly and rationally, if he was having an affair with a woman exactly my size who shops at American Eagle, and after he got over being completely offended and self-righteous, he denied said allegations and I was back to wondering how this pair of denim heaven ended up in my laundry basket. The only thing I can think of is that my stepson's mother ended up putting them in his bag by accident, which is unfortunate, because guess what? She's not gettin' these suckers back. They are mine now. My ass would be lost without them. Don't judge me. It isn't very often you find the perfect pair of jeans that flattens your tummy, hugs your ass in all the right spots and slims your thunder thighs.

OK, I think that's all the randomness I have in me today. Remember to go check out Keely at The Un-Mom and also go visit ToyWithMe.com and start subscribing so you don't miss out on any of the awesomeness!

Happy Random Tuesday! It feels good to be back.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Don't Hate Me Cause I Suck

It's Tuesday people. You know what that means. Occasionally, on Tuesdays, I like to participate in a little thing called Random Tuesday Thoughts, hosted by Keely over at The Un-Mom and Kelly at Baby Boogers. Lately I have been slacking big time, but I swear I am trying to get my shit together. But there's a lot of shit, so be patient with me.

First of all, I apologize for being such a suck-tastic blogging friend and not visiting anyone's blogs, but literally, it is like my life has imploded and I just can't seem to stuff it all back into it's proper place so that I can efficiently manage my time. Seriously, I feel like I am always two steps behind, and by the time I get to 9 or 10 o'clock in the evening, I am beyond the point of catching up and I am forced to just pass out from sheer exhaustion. I am not being dramatic here people. OK, maybe I am being a little dramatic, but it's warranted, I promise.

Tomorrow my column, Sex and The Suburbs, starts over at SexIs Magazine! I am pretty stoked, but I am also terrified that it is going to bomb and nobody is going to read it and when you go there you will hear crickets from the lack of interest. So if you like me even a little bit, PLEASE go and read it. And tell your friends too, the more the merrier. I am still looking for lots of moms to contribute so spread the word! Hopefully you won't be disappointed, and you won't have to send me a courtesy e-mail lying to me about how you really enjoyed reading it. Fingers crossed.

So I am still sick. And I still can't see out of my right eye. Plus, I am getting really tired of complaining about it. So that's all I am going to say about that.

Blogger has really been pissing me off lately. I had the video of Sasha Baron Cohen as Bruno's ass falling on Eminem's face for you because it is hilarious, but somehow I can't paste the code into the post without deleting all the rest of the text. So, go to youtube and search for "Bruno MTV Movie Awards" and watch it. Cause it will make you laugh till you snort. Unless you have no sense of humor.

Happy Random Tuesday!

Random Tuesday Thoughts: I Didn't Want You To Follow Me Anyway...Stalker

Hey, I am back this week with some random thoughts, since that's about all my brain is capable of lately anyway. So yippee! If you want to get in on the fun, go to Keely's pad and grab the button and write some random crap, sign Mr. Linky, and we will read it! How easy is that?

You know what's not all that easy? (Clever segue way, don't you think? I AM a great writer, let me tell ya) Being almost to 200 followers and then LOSING a follower so now you are two away from 200 instead of one. I was seriously all ready to celebrate having the big 2-0-0 in my followers list and then some douchebag follower decided to UN-follow me, probably due to my whining about the job that I want so bad or that I am super depressing cause all I wrote about last week was my uncle who died, so now I am all "Whatever. I didn't want you to follow me anyway; you were probably one step away from becoming some obsessed stalker, and you know, I don't need that drama in my life right now." So that's a relief.

I realized that I missed my true following people, and that is being a Disney on Ice Princess. My little one and I went and saw Disney on Ice with my girlfriend and her daughter two weekends ago and I sat there wishing that I could skate around on the ice in a beautiful princess costume and have Prince Charming or Aladdin (HOTTIE) pick me up and throw me around, then lift me up over his head like Patrick Swayze did in Dirty Dancing, and then we'd all get to skate together to "When You Wish Upon a Star" at the end and my life would be complete. I mean, seriously, there is nothing that makes me happier than some good Disney music, complete with beautiful people dressed in character, and I would be perfect for it. I have Belle written all over me. I had to practically unscrew my smile afterwards. Uh-huh, I had more fun than the kids did, so what's it to ya? Can't a mom enjoy herself every now and then? Yeah, that's what I thought.

I informed my husband this morning that if I get this job (please, please, please, please God, let me get it!!) that when we move to our new house, I WILL be hiring a cleaning lady. End of story. I am pretty sick of working 30 hours a week AND taking care of the kids AND doing all the cleaning AND the laundry AND the dishes AND the pet care, and whatever else comes up. I understand that my husband works so much that he literally doesn't even have any time to help me out that much, so since that is the reality, our new reality is going to be that Mommy is going to have a little "right hand woman." Hopefully her name will be Alice and she will wear a blue dress and a white apron and if things work out, she'll make us cookies and have surprising insights every now and then to help us solve problems. But I don't want to be too picky.

Lastly, I have a confession to make:

My name is Petra and I am a Twilight addict.

OK, OK, I apologize for all the times that I made fun of all the grown women out there obsessing over Edward, reading the books over and over and standing in line for five hours to get into the midnight showing of Twilight. And I'm sorry that I rolled my eyes and got irritated every time I read ANOTHER post about Edward and how hot he was and how every mom out there wanted to jump his bones. I have joined the legion of the un-dead lovers and even though he is a fictional character, I also love him with all my heart and soul and will wait in line for a year to see New Moon, and may just change my name to Bella and move to Washington in hopes that I might meet a darling, sexy, vegetarian vampire just like him. Alright? Are you happy now? You can all throw tomoatoes at me now and call me a hypocrite, whatever. As long as you don't try to steal my man away from me, OK? He's MINE!

So head over to The Un-Mom now and read her Random Tuesday Thoughts. Hopefully soon I was have some un-random things to write about, namely that I got a certain job I have been coveting, but I am not making any promises.

Seacrest out.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: All I Want is My Blankie and Hugh Laurie

Welcome to my Random Tuesday Thoughts, sponsored by Keely over at the Un-Mom. Today I am going to share with you all the random things that comprised this past weekend, and hopefully not bore the shitake mushrooms out of you (like how I avoided a curse word there? Not that I don't enjoy swearing or don't do it frequently on this blog for that matter, just shaking things up a bit). Anywhore, this weekend, my stepson went to his mother's house and we had to drive him up to meet her. Well, that ended up not going so well because there was an accident and she ended up getting stuck for 45 minutes while they had the road blocked. Yes, you read that correctly, 45 MINUTES! What the hell people, don't you know that we have to get home and drink massive amounts of alcohol and then spend the next eight hours putting together our new entertainment center and flat screen TV? I think they could have gotten it all cleared up more expeditiously so we could have gotten home to start constructing a hell of a lot sooner. Some people just don't understand that the whole world revolves around me. The nerve. (Ryan pointed out to me my insensitivity with this situation, and I agree, so I would like to add here that I am pretty sure that everyone ended up being OK, and I really don't feel this way about tragic car accidents. I do care about the well-being of my fellow man. Thanks Ryan. I would never want to come off as a self-centered creep; everyone knows I am more of a lovable, self-centered sweetheart. Sometimes we just go a little too far in the name of humor.)

Speaking of the new TV and entertainment center--it's AWESOME . Not to rub your nose in it but it's 40 INCHES of shiny HD loveliness and it's all mounted (hehe, I said "mounted") up high so it's like you are at the movie theater. Plus, the entertainment center piece is SO much smaller than our other one, which was a monstrosity, so now we have a TON more room to play our Wii and wrestle with the children. The whole room is all opened up and it almost makes up for the room's lack of a window. And HD? Rocks. Not that I really like seeing all the little pores and acne scars on Doc Rivers' face (man, he needs some dermabrasion or SOMEthing!) but it's like the people in the TV are IN THE ROOM with you and you just want to reach out and touch them. I have to be careful not to let my imagination get away from me, since House is on tonight and I might try to grope Hugh Laurie through the television...erm, um, I mean, whatever, shut up.

So can I tell you it's been a VERY long time since I have been to two parties in one day? And my poor little (well, not so little anymore) almost 30-year-old body just doesn't hold up as well as it used to. On Saturday, we were invited to a first birthday party an hour away and then a 30th birthday party near our house and we decided to go for it and make it to both, with the almost 3-year-old. Let's just say that at 9:30 p.m., she was still going strong, chatting with everyone at the party and singing and dancing in the middle of the main room. Her father and I? Not so much. Hubby had started drinking at 1 o'clock at the other party and was looking a little worse for wear, while I could barely stand in my high heels anymore because of the 16 blisters on my feet, not to mention that I couldn't keep my eyes open. I think I came to the realization that we just aren't party animals anymore, and most likely never will be again. It's kinda sad, but on a Friday or Saturday night, most of the time I just want my glass of wine and a blankie on the couch. Forget all this shit about going places and wearing clothing without elastic or drawstring. I'll leave that to the 29-year-olds.

Finally, on Sunday, we drove over an hour (each way) to my son's mother's (yes, you read that correctly) new apartment to pick up Big Boy and bring her some swag. Yeah, we are awesome like that and help out the destitute, irresponsible biological mother of our son, even though she owes us thousands of dollars in child support, can't hold down a job and seems to have inconvenience and bad luck follow her wherever she goes. So far, we have given her a couple hundred bucks in cash, pots and pans, a microwave, a bureau for the kids' room, and the flat screen television that used to be in our bedroom before we got the free television from Verizon. Yes, we are just that full of awesomeness. Plus, we bought all FIVE children (three of whom were not ours--one of them her FRIEND'S KID) and her McDonald's on our way up to the tune of 30 bucks!!%!@ Since when do you need a personal loan to eat at McDonald's people? Obama needs to get on that shit. When you can't even afford to eat fast food, you're really in trouble. I should have had the foresight to make some damn peanut butter and fluff sandwiches and Kool Aid, but somehow I hadn't thought about the prospect of having to feed everyone in her household on top of everything else. Man, it's tough being a martyr.

Everyone have a very Happy St. Patrick's Day, enjoy your green beer and boiled dinner, and kiss some Irish people. Which reminds me that I have to go find my "Kiss me, I'm Irish" button since I have a quarter Irish and I figure that's good enough for some smooches, right? A girl's gotta get it where she can. Sadly, I won't be getting drunk because I am on a strict "no alcohol during the week" regimen for my diet, so have some beers for me, would ya? You're a pal.

And enjoy this eye and ear candy, from me to you:

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Lonely Hearts Edition

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