Saturday, August 30, 2008

Saturday Faves

OK, I know you all have been anxiously awaiting my favorite pics of the week, so stop biting your nails and enjoy these little gems!

My goat! (from

HAHAHAHAHA, this kid has cajones! (from sassy mama bear)

I definitely won't be visiting the public restrooms in this country!

And lastly, I would like to know what this kitty cat has been smoking and where can I get some?

So everyone enjoy your long weekend--be good, don't do anything I wouldn't do (or anything I would do, for that matter)--and remember to SMILE!


Oh What a Beautiful Morning!

Well, not really because my throat is ON FIRE (I guess my germ laden, snotty nosed children passed along their colds to their unsuspecting, UNDESERVING mother). But, besides that, I have been given another award--YIPPEE! And it is from one of my very favorite mom bloggers over at Outnumbered Two to One, which makes it even cooler. She makes me laugh so hard I practically need some Depends just to read her blog, and therefore, I love her (because who doesn't love peeing their pants, right? Right? I guess I'm alone on this one...) Anyway, here is the award, which I think is just darling:

But of course, there are rules (Geesh! Doesn't anyone know that I am too ant-establishment for all these rules? But seeing that I am only anti-establishment in my dreams and in real life I always follow the rules, I will be following these rules to the letter.) So this is how my bestower had it, so I am stealing it from her because my throat hurts and I am tired and just feel like being lazy:

The System
  1. Slap this baby up on your blog. Don’t be shy.
  2. Link to the giver.
  3. Nominate up to seven other fab blogs.
  4. Post links to those super fly blogs your nominating.
  5. Leave messages for your recipients on their blogs…so they can feel as special as you. Laughing

The Envelope Please

  1. Problem Girl
  2. Wiping Up Snot
  3. The Neurotic Mom
  4. Undomestic Diva
  5. June Cleaver Nirvana
  6. Mommy Melee
  7. Dirty Little Secret

So there you have it. Some of these blogs I have listed are big names that get so many comments and awards every day that they probably will not even acknowledge my meager attempt at honoring them, but hey--I love their blog, so they deserve it. And a girl can pretend like she is a big, famous blogger that would be noticed by other big, famous bloggers, can't she? I LIKE MY FANTASIES PEOPLE, WORK WITH ME HERE!

Again, thank you Outnumbered Two to One. My hot, fiery, molten lava throat thanks you as well, for taking attention away from it for a brief period of time!

Friday, August 29, 2008

Do Not Try This at Home

OK, I promised all of you something more substantial to feast your little minds on, so today I am going to share with you my experience of LIVING WITH MY IN-LAWS. Mind you, this story is not for the weak of heart or stomach and if you are prone to anxiety attacks, you might want to navigate away from this page and find something about rainbows and kitty cats. I would also like to say, for liability issues, that I do not endorse or condone living with your in-laws for any extended period of time, so please DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!

I will start three and a half years ago, when the evil plan was originally hatched by (OK, yes, I am the villian of the story) me. I didn't say that I was innocent, so stop being all shocked and dismayed. Yes, it was my idea. But my bonehead husband took it and ran with it, which I never expected him to do. So really, it was a joint boner (haha, I love that word) that brought us to where we are today.

Once upon a time there were two extremely good looking and talented young people in love and anxiously awaiting their wedding day. But alas, they were missing one very important piece of their dream life together--a home. So the beautiful bride-to-be suggested that they convert the handsome groom-to-be's parents' basement into an apartment for them to live in so they could save money and buy a fixer-upper, fix it up and move in to live happily ever after...

OK, I am going to stop here so that I can explain that it really was a good idea. Well, it would have been if housing prices didn't SKYROCKET the minute we made this decision. The plan was to live there for ONE year and buy a two-family house that needed some work. That way, we wouldn't be paying rent while we were fixing up the new house, and then the income from the other unit would help pay the mortgage. BRILLIANT! It was brilliant, really. But the economy didn't cooperate and we ended up not finding anything for two years.

During this time, we got pregnant--OOPS! (My husband will say that I planned this all along, don't believe him!) I had fertility issues so we were told it was going to take a very long time to get pregnant. But this time it was mother nature (that saucy little minx that she is) that had something else in mind and POOF! after three months of fertility treatment, I got pregnant on my own. Now, this was all for the best because we got my beautiful and fabulous little girl out of the deal, but keep in mind, we were living in a space about the size of a studio apartment, with my then 6-year-old stepson sleeping upstairs in my in-laws part of the house. We were going to have to squeeze Unexpected Baby somewhere and just hope and pray that we found a house soon.

Lo and behold, we did find a house shortly after my daughter was born, but it needed A LOT of work. Structural work, to be exact. Which basically means that my dad, the 65-year-old contractor and my husband, the guy taking over the family business forced to work 12 hour days, were going to rebuild the entire first floor. Literally. OK, let's do it! (What were we thinking? you might ask. Well, we were thinking that we were so DESPERATE to get out of my in-laws' house that we would do just about anything. So we did.) We were bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to rip the house apart piece by piece and build it back up again into our little love nest. We thought it would take about six months to a year. It didn't.

Fast forward to two years later. And we are still here. Sigh. The house took EVEN MORE work than we expected, and every time we started one project, we unearthed something else that needed to be done (gotta love 150-year-old houses!). Thankfully, the work is coming to a close and we should be moved in (hopefully) by Thanksgiving. (Hopefully is the operative word here.) If not, I think I might just run away and live with some hobos on a train for a while until the work is done. I could acclimate, I'm pretty flexible, and I could learn to like beans from a can.

Now, don't get me wrong, my in-laws are VERY good people, and I get along great with them. But the fact of the matter is, kids are just not meant to go home after they have left the nest. There are a few things about having your own place that you get accustomed to, such as privacy, closet space and the ability to have sex wherever and whenever you want. These things are hard to leave behind. Also, the option of doing laundry whenever you want was a feature of my pre-in-laws life that I miss desperately. Right now I share a washer and dryer with my mother-in-law so I have to catch them at just the right time to be able to do laundry (and on really hot days I am not allowed to run the dryer because it heats up the house). Yes, this sucks. Laundry piles up and my husband complains and I end up doing it all in one day and I hate it. I used to complain at my old apartment about having to lug the laundry downstairs to the basement to do it. Now I would KILL to have the only thing between me and clean clothes be a set of stairs. Honest to God, I didn't know how good I had it.

The moral of this story is probably not what you think. Although I would not recommend the road we travelled for many reasons, I do not regret the decision that we made almost four years ago. What we did allowed us to buy a two family house that is going to bring us income for years to come. We wouldn't have been able to do what we did without ditching the rent we were paying every month and cutting back on expenses. But most importantly, moving in with my in-laws gave me a gift that I never would have received had we not made this decision: it made me appreciate the freedom that we had before, and therefore, when we move I will be so grateful for what we have. People have it a lot worse than we have had it for the past few years, and we are lucky and blessed that we had family that was willing to take us in so we could reach our goals. And now we can move forward, into our new home, and know that we worked hard for it, sacrificed for it and that we are so fortunate to have it.

So now, can anyone lend me a hand with this laundry??

Thursday, August 28, 2008

I'm a Lazy Arse

Well, I am feeling rather uninspired (otherwise known as lazy) today, so I am going to post something that requires very little effort on my part and I hope you will forgive me. Seeing that you guys read my writing (otherwise known as verbal diarrhea transcribed to blog) every day, I figured I would share a little piece of who I am with y'all (that was my best Southern accent for my readers down south, did you like that?). I just know you are DYING to know what I am listening to on my ipod, so here are the first 10 songs that queued up just now when I put it on shuffle:

1. Blackbird--Beatles

2. All About You--McFly

3. Under Pressure--David Bowie and Queen

4. People Watching--Jack Johnson

5. Gone--John Mayer (This is an N'Sync cover--rock on!)

6. All My Loving--Beatles

7. Rent--Rent Soundtrack

8. Silly Love Songs--Wings

9. Man in Black--Johnny Cash

10. Cecilia--Simon and Garfunkel

Ahem, as you can see, I have quite the diverse tastes (and I love the Beatles). I tend to gravitate to older music, and I don't have much current stuff that I listen to. I guess I feel like the stuff on the radio generally all sounds the same to me. I also loves me some show tunes and Rent is my fave! I am a little embarrassed that Wings came up and I almost skipped it, but in the spirit of honesty to my readers, I left it (you're welcome).

So there's a glimpse into the haphazard world which is my life. Hope you enjoyed it and didn't laugh at me. No, I take that back, I hope you did laugh because at least that meant you got some enjoyment out of this sucky post.


Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Calgon, Take Me Away!!

The post also known as "Medfield Public Schools, Take My Child Away!" (at least for six hours of the day!)

Ha, that rhymed and I didn't even mean it to...I am a poet and didn't even know it...

OK, the first two lines of this post should give away my state of mind at the moment--I am FRAZZLED! (which is not to be confused with Fraggles, which was a fantastically trippy show that was on when I was a kid in the 80's).


I feel like I am going in 10 different directions at once, trying to accomplish multiple things at exactly the same time, and my head is spinning! School, thankfully, starts next week and I am hoping that means that things will calm down a bit. I miss that moment at about 8:30 a.m. when 8-year-old has gotten on the bus and my 2-year-old and I are left in blissful silence to enjoy our day of playing, working and doing stuff around the house. Someone once said to me "One child is one child, two child is 10!" This is so freakin' true! You would think since my son is the ripe old age of 8 that he wouldn't be all that much work, or even that the 2-year-old would be more work than he is. Well, you obviously don't have a boy with ADHD. He is more work than she is on most days, and when you add his antics to her 2-year-old idiosyncrasies, you get me looking like this:

Yes, this is me. I cannot BELIEVE I am posting this picture on the internet, but there you have it! This is me after a day of wiping my daughter's EXCESSIVELY snotty nose every two minutes or so, trying to do laundry, work, set up our new TV, keep up with my 8-year-old, send back sneakers that came in the mail that didn't fit and the label wouldn't print, and going to Walmart with both kids to get my allergy medication, because otherwise I might just roll over and die without it. I would like to petition now for full-year schooling, because really, my kid needs structure and education, not me looking like this, yelling at him to please sit down for five minutes so I can get some work done!

Until then, I think I at least need a warm bath. Thankfully, my in-laws left on a trip this morning so I may just be able to sneak up to their bathroom and take a bath in their tub (a luxury I never get because we don't have one in our cave downstairs).

I need to get me some Calgon, and I am off...hopefully to find my sanity!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Mother of the Year--Who Me?

Growing up, I loved playing with dolls. I always knew I wanted to be a mommy and I would dress them, feed them, bathe them, and love them like they were real little babies. So you can imagine that I was just thrilled when my 2-year-old daughter started showing an interest in playing with baby dolls. Finally! After eight years of superheroes, trucks, wrestling, and Pokemon, I had an honest-to-goodness girly girl to live out all my house-playing fantasies with!

As I observed her playing with her dolls, I was thrilled to see that she had picked up my fantastic motherly instinct and that I was obviously providing a stellar role model as far as motherhood goes. She was so attentive and gentle, giving lots of hugs and kisses and pushing her dollies around in the stroller, talking baby talk and cootchie cootchie coo. She has one baby that actually cries and as soon as she hears those cries, she gets a look of panic and concern and picks her up to rock her and say "It's OK baby, shhhh, it's OK."

Everything was going well in the land of the dolls, until last week when some unusual behavior started to present itself. The first thing that made me a little concerned was this:

As you can see, she is clearly not wearing any pants.

Then there was this:

She was pushing her dolly around in the stroller, cooing and saying sweet things to her, when all of a sudden, she took her out, put her in the kitchen counter, the bottom half of her hanging precariously off the edge and said, "I'll be right back baby. Don't fall."

Now, obviously these mothering techniques were not picked up from me. I swear I am not traipsing around the house with no pants on and leaving the children in dangerous situations. There must be some other influence at play here, and I guess I am going to have to have a serious talk with my little one about appropriate mommy behavior.

Good thing she has at LEAST another 30 years before she is going to get married and have sex for the first time, never mind before becoming a mother...(a mom can dream, can't she?)

Monday, August 25, 2008

Maybe She's Born With It (Or Maybe it's Just a SH**LOAD of Makeup!)

OK, so I have to admit that I am one of those people that drools over celebrities, desperately desiring the flawless skin, beautiful rock hard bodies and gorgeous hair. I love the Oscars and can't WAIT to see what everyone is wearing on the red carpet every year. My husband knows that every year around Oscar time, I will be impatiently awaiting the pre-awards show so I can pretend I am Ryan Seacrest and commentate on all the couture. This is one of my guilty pleasures. I don't really get into the celebrity gossip TOO much (although I have been known to peak at Perez Hilton and TMZ from time-to-time), but I love to see photos of celebs out and about, and what I especially love is to see the beautiful bombshells SANS MAKEUP! I know it probably makes me a terrible, horribly shallow person, but I peruse the mags in the grocery aisle looking for those garish photos of glamorous celebrities looking like real people, with wrinkles, acne, un-waxed brows, and cellulite dimples. So I thought today I would share a few photos of celebs without makeup, to remind those other mommies out there like me that put them on a pedestal, that they really are JUST LIKE US!

Hilary Duff lookin' rough

Kate Hudson havin' a bad day

Penelope Cruz--get some sleep honey!

Salma Hayek--all natural!

Oh Tyra, what did you do last night?

So maybe if I had a full-time makeup artist, hair dresser, personal trainer, and stylist, I could look as good as they do. It gives me hope. And, yes, I know I am a sad, sad little person.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Definition of Death

Today was not a good day. The main reason for this is that my beautiful, cherished kitty cat of 19 years, "Bogie,"died last night. My mother called me this morning to give me the sad news. She was crying, and described to me that she found her curled up on a towel in her bedroom as she got out of the shower. She was still and peaceful, and she just knew. She picked up her lifeless body and put her on the bed and sat with her in silence for a while before bringing her up to break the news to my father. My heart is aching, yet I am so glad that she went in peace, in her sleep, in my parents' home, because we were considering having her put down and it was such a gut wrenching decision to make. She was sick. She was old. She was ready to go. And now she is at peace with my other cat, Lily, who was hit by a car last year. So although I am heartbroken because this was my very first kitty, and I loved her so very much, I am also relieved that she can finally rest in peace.

The hard part about all this is sharing this experience with the kids. My stepson, the 8-year-old, is a seasoned veteran, having gone through this last year with our other cat and a few years ago with his mother's dog. He was sad when I told him. He cried a little bit, but in his wise way said that he was glad that she had a long, happy life and that she was happy in kitty heaven. His understanding of the world sometimes transcends what I would ever expect of an 8-year-old boy and I wonder how he could possibly wrap his little head around death. But he can. He does it with grace and intelligence, and most importantly, compassion. This is the little boy who can't sit still to eat dinner or do a piece of homework, bounces off the walls on a daily basis and has difficulty completing the daily activities of living. Yet, when faced with something as profound and abstract as death, he just gets it. And he steps up to the plate to be supportive for those around him and says all the right things. I am reeling from his maturity and the love he has in his heart.

My daughter, on the other hand, is only 2 years old and I believed had no idea what it meant to die. I couldn't imagine that she could possibly grasp that the cat that she so adored would not be there anymore, even though she had just stroked her lovingly the day before. I told her that Bogie had died and that she would going away. She looked at me and said. "Goodbye Bogie?" I said "Yes, honey. Bogie is going bye-bye's." She looked at me with her eyes shining, so old for a baby and said "OK, bye bye Bogie." I figured she had no idea what this actually meant, and we proceeded to travel to my mother's house so we could see her one last time before she was buried in the backyard next to my other cat.

When we got there, my mother had Bogie wrapped up in a towel in a basket in the livingroom. This may sound funny to you, but if you are a pet owner, you may understand. My mother just couldn't bring herself to put her in a plastic bag, or even to put her away where she couldn't be seen. It was as if she was holding a little wake for her and we all had our chance to pay our last respects. I was relieved to see that she looked very peaceful, just as if she were just resting her eyes, catching some much needed sleep. My 8-year-old was so appropriate and talked to her, telling her how we would miss her and that she was a great cat--"the only one that let him pet her all time," and that he loved her. I wasn't surprised. I expected nothing less of him. But I wasn't sure how my daughter would react. Needless to say, I was surprised.

She walked up to the basket and saw the cat's fluffy head peeking out. "Oh Bogie," she said. She looked closely, and touched the tips of her ears. "Night nights Bogie." She pet her head and pulled the towel up over her head. "Sleep tight," she said as she tucked in the towel. "Sleep tight."

As you can imagine, my mother I were awash in tears and sniffles at this point, because really, it seemed as if my daughter understood what was unfolding. It was amazing. It was touching. It was therapeutic. But most of all, it was dumbfounding. How could a 2-year-old, virtually a baby, possibly understand the concept of death? But then it occurred to me that maybe it wasn't so much understanding the "definition," so to speak, of death, but that she could feel the spiritual departing of her soul. We are all connected, all cells and energy that affect each and every one of us alike. So if one of us leaves, wouldn't it make sense that we should feel that lack of energy? It is not intellectual, so it doesn't matter the age. We all share energy, young and old alike.

I am not really sure why my daughter acted so appropriately, right down to the fact that I handed her a flower outside at the cat's grave and she was the first one to place it on the mound of dirt. I have no idea how she would know that you put flowers on a grave. Maybe it is television. Maybe it is intuition. Or perhaps maybe it is a spiritual connection that we will never fully understand. All I know is that today my daughter made me look at her in a whole new way. She was this little person, dealing with death, understanding things that should just go right over her head. And I wondered how else she was going to surprise me. I am bracing myself. Because I think that she has a lot more up her sleeve. I have always believed, since she was born, that she was special. I think I have my proof.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Somebody Else Thinks I'm Cool!

My lovely fellow blogging mommy with a gorgeous diva baby girl, Jennifer from Happily Ever After Land, has decided to give me the Brilliante Weblog Award as well!

Thank you Jennifer--everyone go check out her blog because she is hilarious (and beautiful--hoo-rah!) and she is a fantastic writer!

I just gave out the award yesterday so I am going to skip that part and just say thank you...and blush.

It's Saturday--Here's the Faves!

Here are my faves for the week. There's a whole bunch for you to enjoy!

Awwwww, I want one!

One of these things is not like the other...

ROFL...that's all I have to say!

And now for something completely different...

May this picture warm your heart like it has mine.
(Mother Theresa rocks!)

Friday, August 22, 2008

No Freakin' Way!

I am sitting here in complete shock. It just amazes me that people even visit this little hole in the world wide web I call a blog, but to think that so many people want to AWARD me just blows my mind and makes me feel more than a little embarrassed. I can't believe it, but today I was awarded again with the Brillante Weblog Award--TWICE.
Jenny over at Ring Leader and Amy from Living on Sunshine Street have both decided that they also think I am worthy of this award, and for that, I say THANK YOU LOVELIES!!!

Here are my award recipients this time around:

1. Michelle at Mommy Confessions

2. Liz from Mom 101

3. Jenny at The Bloggess

4. Mama Tulip at Where Am I Going...and why am I in this handbasket?

5. Karly at Wiping Up Snot

Again, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

Consolidate That Debt NOW!

In today's economy, all of us are struggling to make ends meet and be sure that we don't let ourselves get in over our heads with debt. Many of us have been forced to keep open large amounts of revolving credit, such as credit cards, with extremely high interest rates--which makes it difficult to pay it off. Then there are the mortgages, and how many stories have you heard of people getting an adjustable rate mortgage (ARM) just to get into a house and then getting themselves buried under payments they can't afford? Unfortunately, it is a common story in our day and age, but there are options out there to help avoid ruining our credit and facing foreclosure. one of those options is debt consolidation.

I personally have done debt consolidation and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. But I wish when I had done it I had known about offers helpful resources on debt management and debt consolidation, as well as advice and information for those considering taking the leap into consolidating their debt and getting rid of all those loans or interest. explains each type of debt and helps you decide whether debt consolidation is the right choice for you. For example, if you have many high interest credit cards and you are having trouble making the minimum payments each month, consolidating those cards for a lower interest rate would help you make the payments each month, as well as allowing you to pay off more principle and get the debt eliminated faster. In this situation, you may just take out a whole new loan to pay off all the different credit cards or you can go with a credit counseling center. A credit counseling center will negotiate with your creditors to arrange for a lower interest rate and monthly payment every month. This can take the strain off of you each month of trying to tackle multiple high payments and you will get the debt paid off in no time. This is what I did, and before I knew it, I was debt free and my credit was salvaged.

Now is the time to take control of your finances, before it's too late. Visit and see what they have to offer. You won't regret it!

Something's Missing...

It's not my car keys...and my cell phone is right here...what is it? Oh yeah--my KIDS!

My children stayed over my mother's house last night (bless her little soul) so that I could go to a meeting this morning and work this afternoon. They will also be there overnight tonight (OH MY) so I can work tomorrow, and I will pick them up in the early afternoon tomorrow. This is the longest I have been away from my daughter in a while, and it is one of the first times in a VERY long time that I get hours at a time to myself when I don't have to be working. This morning I woke up at about 8:30 (oh, the life of leisure!), did some random cleaning and put myself through the requisite torture with Jillian Michaels (which was much easier today, by the way, even though my bum and thighs are STILL so sore I groan when I get up off the couch). I did some work on the computer, commented on some blogs and checked my e-mail. It was as if I was some single lady living the life of her choosing at her own pace--what a concept! It is amazing what you can get done without a toddler pulling on your leg, getting under your feet or whining for you to be "ALL DONE COMPOOTER!"

I can't really wrap my head around the fact that I have all the rest of today, and all tomorrow morning to myself. Yes, I do have to work during this time, but it is going to be (drum roll please) QUIET! I am not sure if I can work under these conditions anymore, having become so accustomed to the racket and chaos my two children create every day. I can also work out when I want to (damn, no excuses now!) and could just decide to spontaneously pick up a book and read something other than snippets of blogs from my blog reader.

My husband is going out tonight, so I think that in having the place completely to myself I will get drunk on some good (but cheap) shiraz, put on my most comfy sweats and do some stuff that I never do for myself. Perhaps a facial...maybe a pedicure. Definitely renting a movie just for ME that doesn't involve any cartoon characters, large guns or big boobied women. I am NOT going to cook. I am NOT going to do any dishes. It might just be the most perfect night ever!

The weird thing is, though, that I kinda feel strange. Good, but strange. It's almost as if I am missing a limb or have suddenly lost about, oh say, 70 pounds. (Which should feel great, shouldn't it? Not the missing limb part, the losing 70 pounds part.) But when it is the best 70 pounds of you, in fact that CAME from you, it makes you feel a little bit un-whole. A little bit like someone came and scooped out an important part of who you are. I keep looking around trying to find what's missing, but I can't find it. It's not car keys or a cell phone, it's my kids.

The fact is, I like pretending that I am a single girl about town without a care in the world, but that's not me. That was me 10 years ago, and since then I have gained some very important "weight" on my shoulders and life just isn't the same without it. I am going to enjoy my little vacation from the responsibility and insanity of being a mom, but I must admit that when I pick them up tomorrow afternoon, they will fill a void in me that shouldn't remain empty for too long. I wouldn't want to lose that weight completely for anything in the world.

Now is when you say "AWWWWWWW..."

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Showering--Not Just for Personal Hygiene Anymore!

As I stood in the shower this morning ( get your minds out of the gutter now!), I was looking around and realizing how dirty the walls of the shower were. It occurred to me that I could kill two birds with one stone by cleaning the shower while I was in there already attempting to cleanse myself. I proceeded to do so, and as I did, another thought popped into my head. "What else can I do in here?" (Again, heads out of the gutter--sheesh!) Maybe I could grab a few dirty dishes and wash those. Or I could even hand wash some of my "delicates" a.k.a. my white cotton granny panties because that is, sadly, all I wear these days (when I wear underwear at all). As I finished up cleaning the shower head (and shaving my legs--woo-hoo for me!), I realized something.

Maybe us moms are taking this multi-tasking thing too far. Should I really have to share my shower with a cleaning chore? I mean, really! My husband gets to have a nice, warm shower in the morning doing nothing but washing and being immersed in his thoughts (GOD, again, HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER, seriously people. And he doesn't do that anyway, because I keep him so sexually satisfied that he has no other needs WHATSOEVER-ROFL)--why shouldn't I? Why should I constantly be thinking about how I can combine my creature comforts with the daily responsibilities of the household?

At least twice in the last month, I can recall a time when I was attempting to "multi-task" (I put it in parentheses because now it is being referred to as a life threatening disease that has no official name) and I did something stupid. Once I burned the rice because I was trying to cook, clean the kitchen and have a tea party with my daughter. Another time I forgot about the laundry and shrunk my favorite pair of non-fat emphasizing capri pants (GODDAMMNIT!) because I was blogging while working and at the same time humoring my daughter's love for show tunes (by the way, blogging while working, a.k.a. BWW, is a major offense in some countries and is punishable by a court of law). So don't try it ladies. I am begging you. STOP THE MADNESS. STOP THE MULTI-TASKING!

And don't even get me started about the cell phone while driving...I am lucky to be alive (and you know you are too!)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Definition of the Day: "Cuteaful"

My son has made up a new word and it is cuteaful (pronounced cute-a-full). The definition of this word is the state of being both extremely cute and beautiful at the same time. He made this word up specifically to describe my daughter when he said "This is my cuteaful little sister."

(Honestly, he just came out with this about five minutes ago. He is awesome.)
And he is so right!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Baby Steps to Going Green

I want to go green. I really do. But I have to admit that I am a little overwhelmed and don't know where to start. I certainly can't afford a hybrid car right now, though I would LOVE to reap the benefits of its superb gas mileage. And we don't really have the option of a compost right now, so cutting back on our garbage output has to remain delegated to forcing my husband to eat all the really old leftovers. I was thinking about sewing all our clothes and making them out of hemp, but realized quickly that I can't sew for shizzat, so that was out of the question. I am very envious of the families and celebrities that have the resources and dedication to make their households completely eco-friendly, so I decided to take some baby steps to becoming green. "Knowing is half the battle," as the all knowing GI Joe once said, so I did some research. Here are five baby steps you can take today to start your path to a "greener lifestyle":

1. Leave your shoes at the door. It cuts down on dust-bound pollutants in the home. I read this and I thought "Really? This helps the environment? I already do this!" So you never know, you might be on your way already. I thought I was just trying to keep my floors clean, but I think subconsciously I knew I was helping the planet.

2. Replace high-use indoor lights with compact fluorescents or LEDs. These puppies are more expensive than regular lightbulbs, but they last FOREVER and end up paying for themselves. Right on, I say, I HATE getting up on that chair to change a lightbulb, so the less I have to do it, the better.

3. Load up the washing machine. Since washers and driers use so much energy, make sure you only do full loads. Another one that I already do, but only because I only do laundry once a week so we have 50 pounds to get done in one day. Sure, it takes our ancient drier about two hours to dry each load, but now I know it's all for the best!

4. Drive Smarter. Tips include driving at (or near!) the speed limit, keeping your tires inflated, making sure oil and air filters are clean, and stepping on the gas/brakes carefully. OK, enough drag racing down the highway ladies!

5. Avoid perfume, cologne and products with added fragrance. Round up your CK One and your husband's Drakkar Noir!

So there you are! You've got five baby steps for going green, just in case you are behind the eight ball like me and haven't joined the Green Mommies Club. I'm not quite ready to use a reusable rag for a menstrual pad or go back to cloth diapers, but hey, it's a start right?

I Have Met the Devil...

...and her name is Jillian'll have to excuse me, I am still trying to catch my breath and stop the pounding in my chest...

OK, so I just did Level 1 of The 30 Day Shred, and all I have to say is LEVEL 1 MY ASS! I guess I am a LOT more out of shape than I thought I was, because about 2 minutes in I was ready to collapse. This work-out is INTENSE with a capital WTF? Since it is only 20 minutes long (the longest 20 minutes of my life!), there are NO breaks, not even for water, so as the sweat was POURING off my face, I couldn't even swallow my throat was so dry and I thought my limbs were going to give out on me. I began to hate, and I mean really hate, Jillian Michaels. I was compelled to jump right through the television (because in my little fantasy world, I can do that) and strangle her muscular little neck.

But lo and behold, even though I had to take little five second breaks here and there, I made it through to the end. Here I sit, in a puddle of my own perspiration, thinking "how in the world am I going to be able to do that again tomorrow?" But I must stay positive and believe in myself that I will find the strength to do it again. I do feel slightly energized and more than a little proud of myself for finally getting back up on that horse. (And I think a glass of wine later on to congratulate myself will make it all worth it as well).

But to Jillian Michaels, at this point in time, I would like to say "GO TO HELL YOU EXERCISE WHORE!"

I feel much better now.

Monday, August 18, 2008

My Butt Isn't Getting Any Smaller

I did not work out today. Just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. It has probably been at least a month since I did, something I am not proud to admit. I have had very good intentions of working out, really I have. I swear. It's just (turns on whiny voice) so haaaaaard. I am finding it extremely difficult to motivate myself to find even 30 minutes during the day in which to get my butt moving to burn some calories. This, in my opinion, is pathetic. I should be able to squeeze in 30 minutes, shouldn't I? But I just keep finding myself using those 30 minutes to do ANYTHING else that needs to be done (or doesn't actually NEED to be done, such as obsessively blogging). I am not sure what happened to me. I used to be a pilates instructor for Gary's sake! (By the way, I don't know who Gary is, so don't ask). I worked out about three hours a day, and I liked it. Now I avoid it like a bikini wax, and my butt is paying the price.

I desperately want to be one of those moms that gets up early in the morning, straps her toddler into the jogging stroller and runs five miles before breakfast. I see those mommies out on the road in their spandex shorts and baseball caps and think "what motivates them to do this?" When I wake up in the morning, you know what I want to do? Go back to sleep. Yes, that's right, the LAST thing I want to do is get up and EXERT myself, after such a long, exhausting night of not sleeping because my mind just won't shut off and I can't stop writing blog posts and making lists in my head. Lists of what, you might ask. The answer is ANYTHING. I just make lists in my head--to-do lists, grocery lists, goals I want to set for myself (including working out regularly and losing weight), and anything else that can be listed in a list. (You already know I am crazy, why are you surprised?) So yeah, working out in the morning--not so much.

So the next suggestion you might make would be to work out while my daughter takes her nap. This would be a good suggestion, except for a couple of facts. 1. I never know whether she is actually going to nap or not and 2. When she does, I am so excited that I want to celebrate by doing stuff that I can't do when she is awake. The things that fall into this category are: cleaning the bathroom, folding laundry, reading, working, and writing without interruption. Today I had EVERY intention of working out as soon as I put Baby Girl down for her nap, but I got caught up writing, commenting and dropping entrecards and before I knew it, she was awake. DAMN ME! If I were a good little girl, I would have put her to bed and immediately changed into my work out clothes to start my new 30 Day Shred DVD. Yes, I received it two days ago and have yet to break the plastic seal.

The last option is, of course, at night. HA. Yeah right. By 6 p.m. I am lucky that I can carry on a conversation, nevermind work up a sweat. I never realized how completely EXHAUSTING being a mother is, but fo' sho' it is. In the evening, I concentrate on trying to bathe the baby, putting together some semblance of dinner and keeping myself from curling up on the couch at 7 after I put her to bed. Not to mention that a lot of evenings, I like to congratulate myself on making it through one more day of motherhood with a nice glass of wine, and we all know that drinking and exercising just don't mix!

So how am I going to get myself to drop the lazy mommy act and work on finding my waist again? Maybe I should make myself an incentive chart like we used to use for Big Boy when he wouldn't do ANYTHING that we asked him to. He got stars for doing things like brushing his teeth, cleaning his room and following directions. Perhaps I can earn stickers for working out and after I get so many, I can get myself something nice. Or maybe I need someone to call me every day and give me a guilt trip. (Don't everybody volunteer here, I'm just throwing out ideas). I've heard of people putting up pictures of them at their heaviest to "motivate" them, but I'm afraid that would just depress me and make me eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's, thus defeating the purpose.

I would love to hear from all of you on how you motivate yourselves to exercise, and when you fit it in. Just remember, I am currently going through my "lazy" period, so anything that involves a lot of effort isn't going to be considered. But feel free to suggest anything that cuts corners, saves time or requires minimal effort on my part :-) Thanks.

P.S. Anyone that takes this post completely seriously and feels compelled to leave me a comment about not being able to see results without putting in effort, blah-de-blah-de-blah, please keep your comments to yourself, because I know that silly, I am trying to be entertaining here! Thanks again.

The Turkey Monster

Well, I can't seem to gather my thoughts or get motivated today. It is one of those days where I would love nothing more than to lounge on the couch with a good book or crawl back into bed and sleep all day. I think I remember a time when I was able to do that...anyway, I had a list of things to do today when I woke up this morning and I am ashamed to say that I haven't been able to cross too many of them off the list. Here is what I was supposed to do today:

1. Do the dishes (UGH, I HATE doing the dishes)
2. Get milk and coffee from the store
3. List my old Blackberry on e-bay
4. Do some stuff for the blog
5. Work out
6. Pay bills

OK, now here is what I HAVE done so far today:

1. Went to Dunkin Donuts with my daughter because there was no coffee in the house and played Turkey Monster (more on that later)
2. Went to Target for coffee and milk and walked out with pajamas for Baby Girl and school stuff for Big Boy, thankfully remembering the coffee and milk at the last minute
3. Am currently writing this post and watching Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus, Best of Both Worlds--time well spent, don't you think?

So you could say that so far this day has been a bust. However, I have to admit that playing Turkey Monster at Dunkin Donuts was pretty awesome. My daughter is the funniest 2-year-old on the face of the planet, and she does such funny things when we are out. We are sitting there in the dining room of Dunkin Donuts and Baby Girl is eating her ham and swiss flatbread (which she thinks is turkey and cheese). She picks up a piece of the "turkey," looks at me with a twinkle in her eye and proceeds to shove it in her mouth, grunting and growling and shouts out "I am the TURKEY MONSTER!" Of course everyone in the Dunkin Donuts now turns to look at us and everyone is laughing. I laugh myself, and she picks up a piece of turkey and hands it to me. "Mommy, you're a turkey monster too, come on!" She wants me to do it too, which is always the case. She is my little shadow, my little clone; what I do, she does and what she does, she wants me to do. So I pick up the turkey (being the crazy ass mommy that I am) and shove it in my mouth in the same fashion, shrieking "I am the turkey monster!" She laughs hysterically, and all the funny looks and disapproving glances I get from the onlookers are all worth it, because I just love to hear her laugh and make her happy. I would wear my underwear on my head and sing the Star Spangled Banner if it struck her fancy. We played the Turkey Monster game for another ten minutes or so, until all the turkey was gone. It was fantastic.

So, although I haven't been very productive today, I'd say that it wasn't a complete waste, because moments like those with your children are so priceless and precious. And we all have our lazy days where we just can't seem to get going and today is mine. Hopefully I can get off my duff and get some stuff done soon. We'll see. For now I'm gonna watch Hannah Montana.

Holy Awards Batman!

Well, I have been honored with yet another blogging award today, so I am feeling particularly awesome and shiny. My lovely fellow blogging mommy over at Outnumbered Two to One has given me this fantastic bauble to display:
I am extremely honored, and have the distinct pleasure to bestow this award to seven more brilliant bloggers. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Rachel at Following in My Shoes

2. Stephanie at Adventures in Babywearing

3. Mama of Romance at Sex Diaries of a Mom

4. Amy at Crunchy Domestic Goddess

5. Heather at The Queen of Shake-Shake

6. Black Hockey Jesus at The Wind in Your Vagina

7. The Pink Mommy at Parenting Pink

So everyone show some love to these brilliant recipients today! I am going to spend the day staring at my, just kidding, I will try to come up with some fun, interesting, witty post for you soon.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

My First Award--Cool Beans!

Mama of Romance from Sex Diaries of a Mom awarded me with the Kick Ass Blogger Award--yee-ha! This is so cool, and I thank you so much Mama!

So now I have to share the Kick Ass Blogger love.

So, here are the rules* Let em' know in your post or via email, twitter or blog comments that they've received an award* Share the love and link back to both the person who awarded you and back to MammaDawg. Hop on back to the Kick Ass Blogger Club HQ to sign Mr. Linky then pass it on (which you can also get to on the above link).

Here's my picks for the Kick Ass Blogger...

1. Mel of Mommydoodles
2. Rhonda of Because Mom Said So...That's Why! So Pipe Down and Listen up!
3. Athena of Hot Child in the Suburbs
4. Kaui at How to Party with an Infant

I also want to nominate my mother's blog, All About Cakes and my aunt's blog, Recovering Stroke Survivor for honorary Kick Ass Blogger awards!

I'm OK, You're OK, We're All F***ING OK!

Having come to the conclusion that my issues with body image are completely normal (well, normal in the sense that it is not normal, which is normal), I have decided to take some steps to help me stop criticizing myself and start being more supportive of who I am (I'm pretty cool, so why not?). It is proven that positive thoughts about yourself make you feel better about yourself, and vice versa. So why not think more positive thoughts and quit the trash talk? It stands to reason that this should make you like who you are and exude more confidence. Not only that, but when you feel good about yourself, you attract good thoughts from other people, thus perpetuating these fuzzy feel goods. Now, some of you may be thinking this seems a little touchy feely self help-ish, but before we start singing Kumbaya, just think about it for a minute. Don't you think you will be more successful and life would be more blissful if you loved every little piece of yourself and thought you were the shit? I would sure think so. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that we all need to become conceited, obnoxious bitches, but a little self-esteem goes a long way. So humor me for a minute and try some of these exercises.

First, every time that you find yourself looking in the mirror and finding flaws that you don't like, instead of saying, "Oh God, I hate my freckles," turn it around and say "I love my freckles!" You can even go so far as to describe how great they are and how everyone loves them. "My freckles are so cute and add such uniqueness to my face." The more you do this, the more you will find that you feel less inclined to say how much you hate them, and you might even forget that you don't like them altogether. When you turn around and catch a glimpse of your bigger than you'd like booty-licious booty, say "My curves are so sexy and they make me feel so womanly." Really try to feel that you believe it, and you might just feel an extra bounce in your step or swing in your hips the next time you walk by the mirror.

OK, next, find the things that you DO like about yourself and make note of them. This is especially hard for me, but after looking long and hard, I can honestly say that I like my eyes, my hands and my boobs. Yup, I admit it, I think my boobs are pretty awesome, as far as real mommy boobs go. So whenever I find myself thinking about the things I need to change, I am going to switch gears and say something about one of my doper attributes. "Gosh darnitt, my eyes sure are pretty!" or "My hands are so delicate and petite!" And last, but not least "God, my ta-tas are particularly round and luscious this morning!" Just thinking about it makes me smile, so I am already on the right track, don't you think? Can you think of a few things that you really like and describe them in detail?

So I challenge you ladies, tell me what you like about yourself. Try it, it feels super!

And if that doesn't work, just point out all the flaws in all the people around you. (Just kidding.)

Saturday, August 16, 2008

It's a Three-Way Tie

Well, for my favorites this week, it's a three-way tie. Here you go:
This picture of Michael Phelps caught my eye. I especially appreciated how the lighting emphasizes his SPECTACULAR abdominal region. This dude is some kind of part-fish, part-man who is blowing everybody away in the Olympics. Well, this picture blew my mind!

A dolphin kissing a dog? How could you NOT love that?
And lastly, there is this hilarious picture and it really represents how I feel sometimes while trying to get my work done. It gives a whole new meaning to "cat and mouse."


Friday, August 15, 2008

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who's the Fairest Mommy of Them All?

Vices. We all have 'em. Renee over at Cutie Booty Cakes wrote a post about vices that inspired me to look deep down (real deep, let me tell you) and discover what my worst vice is. I have discovered it and it is that (OK, deep breath) I AM VAIN. Well, at least that is what I thought at first. Then I looked up the definition of vanity:

adj. vain·er, vain·est
  1. Not yielding the desired outcome; fruitless: a vain attempt.
  2. Lacking substance or worth: vain talk.
  3. Excessively proud of one's appearance or accomplishments; conceited.
  4. Archaic Foolish.
Well, once I saw this, I realized that I am not, in fact, vain and I set to work to find out exactly what it is that I am. Let me just explain, I am NOT excessively proud of my appearance; quite the contrary, I am NEVER happy with how I look, and I think about it ALL too much. I have been this way my whole life. I have always felt that if I could just get down to that perfect weight, or get my hair to be "just right" and my skin flawless that I would reach this appearance nirvana that would bless me with happiness and virtue forever and ever. Needless to say, I have never reached that point. There is always something I want to change or improve, and I am hard pressed to find something that I haven't tried to improve my appearance.

When I look in the mirror, all I see are the rolls around my middle, the dark freckles on my face and the fact that my hair doesn't "quite" get straight enough. So I spend countless hours searching for the miracle diet supplement, the complete concealing makeup and the super rockin' hot iron that will help me achieve my goals. I feel "less than." I feel like what I look like is a direct reflection on who I am as a person, even though intellectually I know that this is JUST NOT RIGHT. I know that beauty is only skin deep. And I don't judge others on their dress size, how their skin looks or how pretty their hair is. But for some reason, I hold myself up to a completely different standard, one that forces me to pick at my faults until my soul practically bleeds.

So now you are probably thinking that I need a big, brown leather couch and you need a psychotherapy degree because I need a lot of money's worth of therapy, not a silly post on an even sillier blog. You are probably right. But, considering that I don't have the time or money for a therapist, I am going to use my own intelligence and internet savvy to diagnose myself (and you will be my unwilling and reluctant audience). In my research of why I can't seem to stop tearing myself apart piece by piece just to rebuild again, I found the term body dysmorphic disorder. Some of you may have heard of this already; maybe you even know someone who has it. Here is the definition:

A psychiatric disorder characterized by excessive preoccupation with imagined defects in physical appearance. People with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) are obsessed by the idea that some part of their body -- their hair, nose, skin, hips, whatever -- is ugly or deformed, when in truth it looks normal. BDD may focus on moles, freckles, acne, minor scars, facial or body hair, or the size and shape of their breasts or genitalia. People with BDD may spend an excess of time looking in the mirror, be forever fixing their hair, or wear heavy makeup or sunglasses inside as a form of camouflage. They may make multiple medical visits or have surgical procedures to correct the imagined defect. Treatment of BDD may involve cognitive behavioral therapy or medications, usually those used in obsessive-compulsive disorder to which BDD may be related. Also called somatoform disorder, dysmorphophobia.

Hmmm...this sounds strangely like me. I already know that I'm crazy, maybe now I have the key to what exactly is plagueing me. Maybe, maybe not. I know so many women that feel this way; do we all have it? Or is our society just so overly focused on skinny, big boobed, flowing haired women that we think that is what we are supposed to aim for? I don't know if I have the answer to that, but I am interested in what other women think about this phenomenon. How do you feel about your bodies? We are all always on a diet or working out to lose weight. But how far do we go before we try and try and never get where we want to be? Can we just accept who we are and be happy with the beautiful people we are on the inside? I hope I can do that someday, because I know I am a good person inside and I want to reflect that on the outside. I also don't want to pass this disillusionment on to my daughter, who although she is beautiful on the outside, I do not want to think that she is defined by her outward appearance. How do I break this cycle of self criticism? That is the ultimate question.

I am open and willing to any suggestions (other than the ones that suggest I go get my head shrunk). I am also open and willing to accept this vice of mine and start a path of working on ridding myself of it. Denial ain't just no river in Egypt, and I am ready to bust out and do the work I need to do. If there is one thing that I am, it is determined. So here we go...are you ready?

All About "I"

I got this from Jen over at Cheaper Than Therapy. Read, enjoy and feel free to grab it and do it on your blog as well!

I am...
all mommy.
I think...too much, waaaay too much.
I know...
I am loved.
I want... to accomplish my goals.
I have...awesome kids.
I wish... for my kids to always be happy and healthy.
I hate...
when people are always LATE-ARGH
I miss...being skinny :-(
I fear...
my children being hurt or sick.
I feel...weird.
I daughter giggling--the most beautiful sound in the world!
I brain frying.
I search... for the road to eternal happiness.
I wonder...what my children will be like when they grow up.
I regret...not working harder to become a professional writer.
I care...
about what I look like.
I always...worry too much.
I am not...
I believe... what goes around comes around.
I dance... super fly!
I sing...
I don't always...
shower every day (eeewwww)
I write...mediocre stuff.
I win...the craziest mommy award.
I lose...stuff.
I never...enjoy cleaning.
I others.
I can usually be found...on the computer.
I'm scared of...rats and mice.
I read...
all kinds of books.
I forget...too much.
I just...took this survey.
I am happy about...starting my blog!

I hope you enjoyed all this useless information about me!

My Comments are Gone!

Well, I must apologize because I didn't research Haloscan well enough before I installed it on my site. I didn't realize that doing so would cause me to lose ALL my other blogger comments. I am so incredibly bummed! I searched for a fix to this, but it seems that a lot of other people are unhappy with this aspect of Haloscan as well, and there is no solution. Does anyone out there have any idea how I can get my blogger comments back using Haloscan? Any help would be greatly appreciated, because a lot of people left a lot of great comments and I would really like to have them displayed.

Again, I am sorry to all you wonderful people out there who have commented and your comments are now gone. I will try my hardest to get them back!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Find the Magic

This afternoon, I had the pleasure of spending a couple of hours outside with my 2-year-old daughter. We played basketball, I pushed her on the swing, we played with the dog. It was absolutely delightful! I don't spend enough time slowing down and really enjoying playing with my little girl. So often I am short on time and I spend my time with her outside thinking about all the things that I need to do when I go back inside, counting the minutes until we can get on with it. But there is just something so fantastic about ignoring the time, getting down on their level and really playing.

My favorite thing about playing with my little girl is watching her face as she observes the world around her. He eyes twinkle with amazement at almost everything. And her little exclamations of "Look Momma!" and "Oh my goodness!" just make me smile from ear to ear. The best thing today was blowing bubbles. We must have blown bubbles for at least a half an hour. Every time we blew a big bubble that floated up towards the sky, she would watch it with intensity and say "It's magic, it's magic!" And the more I looked at those floating rainbow iridescent spheres, the more I realized that they are magical. If you really look at them, you will see how beautiful and unbelievable they are. So fragile, so vulnerable and so pretty to look at it. There one second and gone the next, their sole purpose is for our enjoyment. As I continued to make these bubbles and watch them float away, I was all of a sudden aware of the lack of magic in my life. I remember as a child that things in everyday life could be magical just by looking at them close enough. My daughter is absolutely fascinated with the little things that I have seen a thousand times and think are mundane. But if you really look close enough, you can find the magic again. I found this out today. And I am going to make an effort from now on to look at things and find their magic.

Make a point today of finding the magic in something that you have been looking at in vain. It will make your life a little more magical and a lot more interesting. See the world through your toddler's eyes and share the magic with them. Not only will it bring you down to their level, but maybe it can capture a piece of the childhood that you have left behind.

Super Mom Personified

I am always on the quest to become Super Mom, but I have found the woman that has accomplished it. Her name is Melanie Roach, and if you have been reading about the Olympics, you probably have heard about her. She is unbelievable! She has three kids, one of whom is autistic, she runs a gymnastics studio, her husband is a Washington State House of Representatives legislator, she teaches Sunday school, and she is now competing in the 2008 Olympics in Beijing in the woman's weight lifting division! Man, I feel lazy compared to her. The next time I am exhausted at the end of a long day of working and taking care of the kids and the house, I am going to think of this power mommy. I can't even find time in the day to squeak in some cardio.

Not only is she competing this year, but she originally was set to compete in 2003, but was sidelined by a herniated disc. It was during those five years off that she had all three of her children and opened her gymnastics studio. During this time she also had back surgery and her son was diagnosed with autism. She suffered from depression, but says that it put things into perspective for her. "I realized that if you compared a child being diagnosed with autism to not making the Olympic team, all of a sudden that Olympic thing doesn't seem so bad." But five days after her surgery, she was back in the gym, doing Olympic lifts. Crazy, huh? Crazy, but worth it for her. In spring 2007 she won her seventh national title, clean and jerking DOUBLE her body weight. She was the first woman at the 2008 trials to secure her place in the Olympics.

Man, this woman has certainly put things into perspective for me. I am always thinking how hard it is to make things happen, and how it feels like I am just never going to get there. Then I see women like this who have overcome obstacles far larger and more daunting than any I have ever faced and I realize that most of us just are not living up to our potential. I am capable of so much more, it is just a matter of tapping into the potential that lies beneath the surface. It's hard. There's no doubt about that. But nobody ever got anywhere without a whole lot of hard work. What is it that they say? It takes 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. Well, I'd have to say I am only perspiring about 75% at this point, so I have some more hard work to do.


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday: My Daughter the Fashionista

This is what my 2-year-old INSISTED on wearing to Nana's house this morning:

Notice the rain boots, although it was 70 degrees and sunny, along with the shorts, sweatshirt and oh-so chic Burger King crown. I think she's ready for the runway, no?

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I've Been Tagged! 6 Unspectacular Quirks

Yay! My first tag, I am so excited! I was tagged by my new blogosphere friend from Outnumbered Two to One to do a meme about six quirky things about me. So here are the rules:

1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about six unspectacular quirks you possess.
4. Tag six following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they have been tagged.

So here goes, my six unspectacular quirks:

1. I hate talking on the phone. There, I've said it. I would rather send an e-mail or text any day than have a chat on the phone. I used to LOVE talking on the phone, I don't know what happened. Now I like to keep it short and sweet. I think I subconsciously avoid talking on the phone all the time and I feel bad because it is not that I don't want to talk to the person, I would just rather do it in the flesh.

2. I won't eat leftovers. If it has been in the fridge for more than 24 hours, I will either toss it, give it to the dog or make my husband eat it. I know it is a waste and not very earth friendly, but I just can't stand the thought of eating two day old food.

3. I have terrible chronic hives that make me break out in little red welts if something so much as grazes my skin. It is such a pain! I have had it since I was about 14 years old and the doctor has no idea why I have it or how to make it go away. I take antihistamines every day to lessen the annoyance, but it's still pretty annoying...

4. I am extremely vain. Not in the way that I am constantly primping and preening myself, but I just care deeply how I look and am always thinking of new ways to make myself "look better." I know it's shallow, but I don't judge how others look, just myself. I never seem to look good enough...a psychotherapist would probably have a field day with me, I should probably look into it.

5. I chew my lips. Most of the time I don't even know that I am doing it. It gets to the point when my lips are chewed to shreds and I have to consciously stop myself from doing it because it hurts so much! I have done it for as long as I can remember...oral fixation maybe? Yeah right, ask my husband--he'd disagree!

6. I used to hold entire unintelligible conversations in my sleep when I was younger. While sleeping on the couch, I would sit straight up and direct a crazy question at someone in the room and insist that I was awake and making perfect sense. One night, I ran into the bathroom where my mother was on the toilet and screamed "WHAT TIME IS IT??? I scared the shit out of her (good thing she was on the toilet!)

Well, making this list has certainly opened my eyes to how freakin' crazy I am! I seriously need some more medication or something! Anywho, here are the ladies I am tagging:

1. Mommydoodles

2. Cheaper Than Therapy

3. Crazy for Trying

4. Girls Gone Child

5. Hot Child in the Suburbs

6. Playgroups are No Place For Children

End Transmission.

Just One of Those Days...

As mothers, we are expected to handle everything. Not only are we expected to handle everything, but we are supposed to do it with patience, humility and grace. There are some days when I feel so far from patient, humble and gracious that I practically couldn't even tell you what they mean. Yesterday was one of those days. One of those days where your children are unbelievably off the wall, you have NO patience with them and you feel like running, screaming from the situation. These are days when you say to yourself, "why did I get myself into this whole motherhood thing again?"

I had to take my 8-year-old stepson to his physical, toting with me my 2-year-old who, right now, is like a little Sybil with her multiple personalities. One moment she is the sweetest, smartest, most well behaved little angel, then POOF! (usually at a very unfortunate time, such as at the doctor's office), she turns into a little screaming, kicking, rambunctious little monkey with a diva attitude. At these times, whatever I say is ignored and I feel like my head is going to explode. Partner that with an 8-year-old with ADHD that will not surrender his Nintendo DS, not even to let the doctor check his heart and lungs, that refuses to take a deep breath for the doctor and proceeds to tell the doctor that he doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, has not brushed his teeth in a month and hates to read. Now none of this is far from the truth, however, I wasn't ready to advertise this to the doctor and none of it was for lack of trying in my department. I stood there, helpless, feeling like the worst mother in the world and waiting for the doctor to tell me that I needed to get my shit together. She looked at me sheepishly, silently giving me the benefit of the doubt that he was exaggerating, and continued to tell him that he should only have a half hour of video games a day and one television program (I practically laughed out loud). You should have seen the look on his face. You may as well have told him that he was supposed to run 10 miles a day and read War and Peace. I am sure there are some parents that are able to limit their children's television and gaming time to this extent, but NOTHING would ever get done in my house because I would be spending all my time listening to him whine and complain that there was nothing to do. My kid just ain't one of those kids that keeps himself entertained for hours on end. Don't get me wrong, I am all for limiting the TV and game time, but even I thought her suggestions were a bit extreme.

Meanwhile, my 2-year-old is climbing all over the examination table, ripping up the protective paper sheet and yelling at the top of her lungs to try to get our attention. The 8-year-old is feeding into this by tickling her and taking away her "nunny" (a little plush bunny blanket that she has with her always), which makes her squeal with discontent. At this point, I am sweating my ass off and wanting nothing more than to just get the hell out of dodge before I lose my shit and pick them up by the backs of their necks and throw them in the car. But the best is yet to come. 8-year-old has to have a (dramatic pause) SHOT.

Oh God, no. Please no. One of his biggest fears is needles. He is not just scared of them, he is terrified. To the point where he is constantly asking when he has to have another one and he will actually cry just thinking about it. Turns out, now there is a second chicken pox vaccine that I didn't know about, and the doctor wants him to have it. He is not having any of it. First he runs out the door and down the hall. I run after him, leaving the 2-year-old in the exam room, praying that she stays put. I get him back in the room, only for him to hide under the exam table. I look at the nurse and she looks less than amused. "I can't do it if he is going to be this way," she says. No shit sherlock, I think, but I try to keep my "nice mommy" hat on. I finally get him out and we sit and I try to hold his arms with him on my lap, but he wiggles free. The nurse decides that, no, we will not give him the shot today.

But now I am pissed, and I am not walking away without him getting the shot. If we do that then we just have to come back and go through this all over again and he knows that we already gave up once, so he will just keep fighting. I talk to him. I cajole, I am calm and patient and I explain all the things that hurt more than a shot and that he can handle it. Finally, good ole bribery is resorted to and I tell him he will get a prize for being so brave. He agrees and I get the nurse. I hold him tightly while she gives him the shot. He cries. I feel like shit. But it is over.

We get our stickers, we say goodbye and I walk weak-kneed out to the car with my tear streak faced little boy. These are the days that we are never fully prepared for, that you never imagine when you are fantasizing about having your beautiful babies come into this world. These are the days that motherhood is JUST NOT COOL. But you know what? There are a lot of days that motherhood is pretty cool. So I guess we take the good with the bad and work on not going slowly and completely insane.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Someecards Meme--So Funny!

I found this meme on Get a Grip Mom! and I thought it was hilarious! What you do is pick five cards from that describe your life in unflattering ways. The e-cards there are HILARIOUS! (Some are very insulting and shocking, but they made me laugh nonetheless!)

Here are the ones I picked out:

Yes, sometimes I feel like I am going a wee bit crazy being the mom of two rambunctious (albeit lovely) kiddos!We never do things as a family, and sometimes I just want to scream "We are going to spend some nice, quality family time together and you are all going to like it!!!"

Sadly, I am old enough to be able to share with my children the joyful (NOT) memories of dial-up internet! Apparently, I am also old enough to remember when saying NOT! was cool...

Sometimes I feel like my husband and I go long periods of time only saying how much we care by text..better than nothing isn't it?

And my personal favorite:

Need I say more???

So go on, find some hilariously entertaining e-cards that you can relate to and post them on your blog. Good times!