Are You a Mommy or Did You EAT One?

Well, it has officially gotten out of hand. The Halloween candy eating, that is. And now I stare in the mirror and dissect my less than perfect body, zeroing in on the lumps, bumps and cottage cheesy flesh that hang from my skeleton like unwanted baggage. Like those saddlebags, for instance...I don't know about you, but I don't ride horses all that often (except in those dreams where I am riding bareback down the beach with...um, well, nevermind) so I certainly do not need those. And, although it sounds yummy and delicious, my muffin top is anything but. Which brings me to the topic of my BUTT. What can I say, J-Lo's got nothing on me. But instead of my ass drawing media attention for it's curvy sex appeal, mine just functions really well for sitting on it at the computer ALL THE TIME. Something's gotta give. And today is the day that I have decided I am going to do something that will motivate me to become the hot momma that I know I really am inside this fat suit. First of all, I joined The Muffin Top Killers, started by Jamie over at My Suburban Can Run Over Your Minivan...and Will. It is an awesome private blog for those of us mommies looking to squash the muffin top and become all sexy, all the time. Secondly, I am posting a picture of my muffin top for all to see--yes people, I am going to show you something that I never allow--a picture of me from the neck down.

This is something that has not been seen by human eyes for at least three years--since before I got pregnant with my daughter and my body got taken over by aliens (it's the only explanation I can come up with). So here it is:
Sorry about the fuzziness, but my daughter takes a really shitty picture (usually of up my nose or part of my ear) so I had to use the good old mirror trick. But you get the general idea. The lighting is perfect for you to see that bulge right above the waistband of my jeans; the famous muffin top. There's mine, in full color. Actually, it feels kinda liberating to get it out there--I HAVE A MUFFIN TOP, AND HERE IT IS. Below the muffin top, you can see the evidence of the chubby thighs squeezed into the jeans, but thank GOD, my knees look great, don't they? Thankfully this picture doesn't show my wings (and we're not talking the ones that can fly) because they are hidden by my long sleeved shirt. But trust me, they are there. And when I wave goodbye, WATCH OUT--you might get slapped with the flap!

So in the spirit of motivation, here is what I would LIKE to look like:

Oh wait, wrong picture. How did THAT get on my computer...

Here's the right one (you're welcome to the four guys that read my blog):

You know, I don't have completely unrealistic expectations or anything...

But really, I know I will never look like this woman (aside from getting massive amounts of plastic surgery and obtaining a personal trainer, a personal nutritionist and a stylist). But I want to look in the mirror and say "Damn girl, you be bangin'!" instead of "Dang lady, are you a mommy or did you EAT one? I want to pull on my pants and button them without straining and pulling in my gut until it hurts, only to have the fat spill out over the top as soon as I get them fastened.

So...I am going to rededicate myself to working out, eating right, drinking water, and stopping the constant shoveling of candy into my piehole...mmm, pie...ergh, sorry...got a little distracted there...

I think I have my work cut out for me...