Friday, March 6, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Far From Wordless Wednesday: Spin Cycle--ADVENTURE
I'm spinnin' this week folks, thanks to Jen over at Sprite's Keeper. And this week's spin is all about adventure. Unfortunately, my life hasn't been all that adventurous (unless you count in the bedroom, RAWR). I haven't traveled all that much, I don't jump from airplanes or climb rocks. I don't even dare drink expired milk. As my husband will tell you any day of the week, I am usually over-cautious and don't enjoy danger or the threat of injury or death. But there is one adventure that I signed up for some years ago that has never failed to be a roller coaster of emotions and experiences, and the greatest adventure of my 29 years.
Motherhood.
This adventure has consisted of tears, laughter, learning, growth, anger, frustration, blood, sweat, and most importantly love. It started unconventionally, as a stand-in mom for a 1-year-old boy with a loving, albeit misguided young father and a confused, immature mother. At the ripe age of 21, I was mature, but still only a fraction of the woman I would become, and needed to be, to be a mother. But motherhood enrolled me in a whirlwind crash course, whether I was ready for it or not.
The little boy won my heart, and the hearts of my family, until one day he was indistinguishable from any one of us. But there was pain. And hurt feelings. History that wasn't easily forgotten. And an extraordinary amount of frustration as we fought with his mother to work out what was best for him. Two households wanted him, one for the right reasons and one wrong. One household had security, love and support, but wasn't the household that the court favored, even when it became clear that the other household was an inferno of negativity and inconsistency.
When his mother got angry, she refused to send him for his weekends with us. When she got overwhelmed with the everyday challenges of motherhood, she called upon me to come rescue her and take him away. When the pressure became just too much, she would suggest that we take him for good, but as soon as she reached an upswing in her mood, she offer was swept off the table and tucked away until the next time she couldn't take it any longer. This emotional extortion created tension and a fear of never knowing what she was going to do next. There was no letting our guard down, no relaxing. We knew that if months went by without an incident, it was only a matter of time before that other shoe would drop.
Until one day, when the little boy spoke up. At 4 years old, he knew what he wanted and where he wanted to be. Amazed that such a young soul could be so aware of his surroundings and what was good for him, we kept a close eye on him and listened intently to everything he had to say. He told everyone that would listen that he didn't want to go with her, that he was scared of his stepfather and that he wanted to live with his father and I. The day he told his own mother that he didn't want to live with her, she called and said she gave up. And that was the beginning of the next adventure.
We got custody of him that spring, with her surrendering her guardianship and agreeing to visitation every other weekend. At this time, I was working full time and going to school at night, as was my husband. With help and support from our family, we got through this "adventure," but it wasn't an easy path. Sometimes I wondered what I had gotten myself into. Could I do this? Could I really be the mother that this little boy wanted and needed so badly? I doubted myself a lot during that time, but there was something inside of me that propelled me through each day and hurtling over each obstacle. I know now what it was. Maternal instinct at its finest.
Things got easier, but never uninteresting. Back to court for various issues and drama in his mother's life kept the adventure plodding along, many times leaving us feeling spent and empty. We got married and we moved into my in-laws' house to save for a home of our own. It was there that we found out that I had infertility issues and we started treatment so that by the time we moved out, we would hopefully be able to get pregnant. But the universe had something else in mind. Another adventure unfolded, taking us quite by surprise.
Real motherhood.
Although earlier than we had expected, we were thrilled, and I was elated because I had yearned for a child of my own and was so scared of not being able to carry my own little bean. God blessed us with our daughter on April 26, 2006, and our family was complete.
Luckily, this little blessing fit right into our family as if there had always been a space just waiting for her to fill it. The little boy loved his sister, and she worshiped her big brother from the first day she laid her tiny little eyes on him. This is where the fun part of the adventure officially began. Seeing my two kids, one grown inside of me, the other who chose me, getting to know one another and falling in love. It made me fall in love with each of them, one for the first time and the other all over again. And although things will never be perfect with the boy's mother, and sometimes my heart breaks a little when he tells me he "wishes he had come out of my belly" like his sister, I know that I was born for this adventure.
The adventure continues every day. And sometimes I wonder why I got myself into this insanity. Sometimes there is no sleep. There is fighting, and yelling, and crying, and whining. But there is also the most infinite love, and the most savage bliss. In this adventure called motherhood, I have also found out who I am, and have learned more about life and love than could ever be learned from books or poetry. It's exciting, and you never know what is going to happen next.
Isn't that what the best adventures are all about?
Motherhood.
This adventure has consisted of tears, laughter, learning, growth, anger, frustration, blood, sweat, and most importantly love. It started unconventionally, as a stand-in mom for a 1-year-old boy with a loving, albeit misguided young father and a confused, immature mother. At the ripe age of 21, I was mature, but still only a fraction of the woman I would become, and needed to be, to be a mother. But motherhood enrolled me in a whirlwind crash course, whether I was ready for it or not.
The little boy won my heart, and the hearts of my family, until one day he was indistinguishable from any one of us. But there was pain. And hurt feelings. History that wasn't easily forgotten. And an extraordinary amount of frustration as we fought with his mother to work out what was best for him. Two households wanted him, one for the right reasons and one wrong. One household had security, love and support, but wasn't the household that the court favored, even when it became clear that the other household was an inferno of negativity and inconsistency.
When his mother got angry, she refused to send him for his weekends with us. When she got overwhelmed with the everyday challenges of motherhood, she called upon me to come rescue her and take him away. When the pressure became just too much, she would suggest that we take him for good, but as soon as she reached an upswing in her mood, she offer was swept off the table and tucked away until the next time she couldn't take it any longer. This emotional extortion created tension and a fear of never knowing what she was going to do next. There was no letting our guard down, no relaxing. We knew that if months went by without an incident, it was only a matter of time before that other shoe would drop.
Until one day, when the little boy spoke up. At 4 years old, he knew what he wanted and where he wanted to be. Amazed that such a young soul could be so aware of his surroundings and what was good for him, we kept a close eye on him and listened intently to everything he had to say. He told everyone that would listen that he didn't want to go with her, that he was scared of his stepfather and that he wanted to live with his father and I. The day he told his own mother that he didn't want to live with her, she called and said she gave up. And that was the beginning of the next adventure.
We got custody of him that spring, with her surrendering her guardianship and agreeing to visitation every other weekend. At this time, I was working full time and going to school at night, as was my husband. With help and support from our family, we got through this "adventure," but it wasn't an easy path. Sometimes I wondered what I had gotten myself into. Could I do this? Could I really be the mother that this little boy wanted and needed so badly? I doubted myself a lot during that time, but there was something inside of me that propelled me through each day and hurtling over each obstacle. I know now what it was. Maternal instinct at its finest.
Things got easier, but never uninteresting. Back to court for various issues and drama in his mother's life kept the adventure plodding along, many times leaving us feeling spent and empty. We got married and we moved into my in-laws' house to save for a home of our own. It was there that we found out that I had infertility issues and we started treatment so that by the time we moved out, we would hopefully be able to get pregnant. But the universe had something else in mind. Another adventure unfolded, taking us quite by surprise.
Real motherhood.
Although earlier than we had expected, we were thrilled, and I was elated because I had yearned for a child of my own and was so scared of not being able to carry my own little bean. God blessed us with our daughter on April 26, 2006, and our family was complete.
Luckily, this little blessing fit right into our family as if there had always been a space just waiting for her to fill it. The little boy loved his sister, and she worshiped her big brother from the first day she laid her tiny little eyes on him. This is where the fun part of the adventure officially began. Seeing my two kids, one grown inside of me, the other who chose me, getting to know one another and falling in love. It made me fall in love with each of them, one for the first time and the other all over again. And although things will never be perfect with the boy's mother, and sometimes my heart breaks a little when he tells me he "wishes he had come out of my belly" like his sister, I know that I was born for this adventure.
The adventure continues every day. And sometimes I wonder why I got myself into this insanity. Sometimes there is no sleep. There is fighting, and yelling, and crying, and whining. But there is also the most infinite love, and the most savage bliss. In this adventure called motherhood, I have also found out who I am, and have learned more about life and love than could ever be learned from books or poetry. It's exciting, and you never know what is going to happen next.
Isn't that what the best adventures are all about?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Random Tuesday Thoughts: Lonely Hearts Edition
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Monday, March 2, 2009
He Blogs, She Blogs: Shoes, Fish and Metros OH MY!
Today I would like to start this week's edition of He Blogs, She Blogs with a little description of what we are doing here since there may be some new readers due to bringing on Captain Dumbass. He Blogs, She Blogs was developed by myself and Jim a.k.a. Heinous from Irregularly Periodic Ruminations to put a funny spin on comparing the thoughts, ideas and opinions between the two sexes (well, the two main sexes; we won't get into the "fuzzy areas"). It is not a competition, you are not supposed to choose a winner--this is simply for fun, to see how we differ and are the same. The questions we are answering come from the readers, and we are always looking for new questions to add to the list, so if there is something you want discussed, leave your question in mine or the Captain's comments and we will add it to the pot. Or send us some pot along with your question and we will be sure to get to it right away. Yes, we can be bought, and no, we have no scruples.
So today I let my awesome partner put on the big boy pants and choose the questions for the first time. We have my very own lesbian internet lover, Cat from Zipbag of Bones querying, along with Tony from, surprisingly, Life with Tony, Lawyer Mom from A Lawyer Mom's Musings, and Matt from DC Urban Dad posing hard hitting questions for us to tackle. Here goes nothin'...
Cat said: Question for the new duo: "Metrosexuals" - awesome new breed of hetero, or same old breed of in denial?
I love me my metrosexuals. I have actually been trying to slowly and strategically convert my man into one since I first met him, sneakily and subversively so he won't notice. It worked until I bought him a scarf for Christmas two years ago. That was when he figured out what was going on and put his foot down (his foot clad in Kenneth Cole designer sneakers, I may add). But let's be clear, there is a very big difference between a "true" metrosexual, such as David Beckham or Ryan Seacrest and a "bi-sexual" in sheep's clothing who swears that he's straight but just loves Liza Manelli and Cosmopolitans. I think the real metrosexual is the rugged, athletic man who is not afraid to buy incredible shoes to go with an outfit or an awesome hat. He uses the right hair products to make his messy 'do look "just right" and is not afraid to wear jeans that actually fit and pair them with the right accessories. He may even rock a man-purse, but that particular breed of metro is hard to find. He has to be sufficiently testosterone fueled and comfortable with his male sexuality to pull that off. What, I ask you, is wrong with a man's man that likes to look and smell good? I say nothing at all. However, if you notice him checking out Hugh Dancy's ass at the premiere of "Confessions of a Shopaholic" that his "stylist" got him the tickets for, then you may be dealing with a much different breed of man. That's all I'm sayin.'
Tony said: This is going to be good - there are a few things I've wondered about, such as why do women try on 20 different things, asking us how they look in each one and then end up wearing the first thing they tried on? Why do women ask us which shoe matches their outfit better - dude, I don't even care if they wear shoes or not much less if they match their outfit.
I know the answer to this question, and I am going to rock your world and change your life forever. Women DO NOT care what you think of their outfit, or their shoes, for that matter. They know what they like and they are going to choose the outfit that they thinks makes them look the thinnest and most savage, while making their ass look good. What said women want from these little "fashion shows" with their men is for you to tell them that EVERYTHING looks great because they look great in EVERYTHING. Then the woman feels good about herself, chooses the outfit that is most flattering and you get laid. So play along, enjoy your blow job and the world is a happy place, m'kay?
A Lawyer Mom's Musings said: Hmm. I've got a few questions. Like, how come men are born knowing how to clean fish and can even eat those same fish afterward? How come men have no problem looking at a naked uncooked turkey and removing the giblets, while women (if they're like me) run from the kitchen heaving at the sight?
This is one of those questions that can be answered by taking a look at history. Well, pre-history actually. We are talking WAY BACK to the beginning of time when Mr. and Mrs. Neanderthal shared a two-bedroom cave in pre-historic times with their two, smelly neanderthal children. This is about men's love of the HUNT and them showing off their skills with a knife, because back then, that was HOT. There was nothing more attractive to Mrs. Neanderthal than seeing her man come home with a great big boar thrown over his shoulder and then slaughtering it right then and there for them to eat. Cause, you know, food wasn't always around, so Mr. Neanderthal's ability to hunt and fish and then clean and cut up said animals was his greatest attribute. So, you know, they didn't DIE. Plus, there were no metrosexuals, so women based their attraction to their mates on their mad slaying and fileting skillz.
Now that we have food readily available though, it's just not as hot as it used to be...go figure.
DC Urban Dad said: How about shoes? Or okay, sex.
Most women love shoes. Some women love shoes a little bit too much. I love shoes, however, I do not spend a lot of money on them because I think that is a (gasp!) waste of money. I would much rather buy a killer pair of jeans or a new blouse than a pair of Jimmy Choos (not that I could EVER afford a pair of Jimmy Choos anyway). But I know there are some women a la Carrie Bradshaw who would choose to buy a pair of designer shoes over food for the week. Now, most men (the non-metrosexual variety) own a pair of dress shoes, a pair of sneakers and a pair of boots and are all set. But, for women (even me), there needs to be more available for different kinds of outfits, events and/or weather scenarios. So yes, men and women view this topic a little differently. The good thing about this is that men's lack of shoes leads to there being a lot more room in the closet for the woman's shoes. So this is one of those facts of life that helps maintain the delicate balance and homeostasis of the sexes.
Now as for sex...I say "YES PLEASE." Does that answer your question?
I hope I answered your questions sufficiently. Now, if you haven't already, head over to Captain Dumbass' crib and see what he has to say about these matters. Contrast, compare, laugh, and ponder, cause that's what this is all about! Remember to leave us a comment if you have a question and check back next week to see if it makes the list.
Thanks for joining us and peace out homies!
So today I let my awesome partner put on the big boy pants and choose the questions for the first time. We have my very own lesbian internet lover, Cat from Zipbag of Bones querying, along with Tony from, surprisingly, Life with Tony, Lawyer Mom from A Lawyer Mom's Musings, and Matt from DC Urban Dad posing hard hitting questions for us to tackle. Here goes nothin'...
Cat said: Question for the new duo: "Metrosexuals" - awesome new breed of hetero, or same old breed of in denial?
I love me my metrosexuals. I have actually been trying to slowly and strategically convert my man into one since I first met him, sneakily and subversively so he won't notice. It worked until I bought him a scarf for Christmas two years ago. That was when he figured out what was going on and put his foot down (his foot clad in Kenneth Cole designer sneakers, I may add). But let's be clear, there is a very big difference between a "true" metrosexual, such as David Beckham or Ryan Seacrest and a "bi-sexual" in sheep's clothing who swears that he's straight but just loves Liza Manelli and Cosmopolitans. I think the real metrosexual is the rugged, athletic man who is not afraid to buy incredible shoes to go with an outfit or an awesome hat. He uses the right hair products to make his messy 'do look "just right" and is not afraid to wear jeans that actually fit and pair them with the right accessories. He may even rock a man-purse, but that particular breed of metro is hard to find. He has to be sufficiently testosterone fueled and comfortable with his male sexuality to pull that off. What, I ask you, is wrong with a man's man that likes to look and smell good? I say nothing at all. However, if you notice him checking out Hugh Dancy's ass at the premiere of "Confessions of a Shopaholic" that his "stylist" got him the tickets for, then you may be dealing with a much different breed of man. That's all I'm sayin.'
Tony said: This is going to be good - there are a few things I've wondered about, such as why do women try on 20 different things, asking us how they look in each one and then end up wearing the first thing they tried on? Why do women ask us which shoe matches their outfit better - dude, I don't even care if they wear shoes or not much less if they match their outfit.
I know the answer to this question, and I am going to rock your world and change your life forever. Women DO NOT care what you think of their outfit, or their shoes, for that matter. They know what they like and they are going to choose the outfit that they thinks makes them look the thinnest and most savage, while making their ass look good. What said women want from these little "fashion shows" with their men is for you to tell them that EVERYTHING looks great because they look great in EVERYTHING. Then the woman feels good about herself, chooses the outfit that is most flattering and you get laid. So play along, enjoy your blow job and the world is a happy place, m'kay?
A Lawyer Mom's Musings said: Hmm. I've got a few questions. Like, how come men are born knowing how to clean fish and can even eat those same fish afterward? How come men have no problem looking at a naked uncooked turkey and removing the giblets, while women (if they're like me) run from the kitchen heaving at the sight?
This is one of those questions that can be answered by taking a look at history. Well, pre-history actually. We are talking WAY BACK to the beginning of time when Mr. and Mrs. Neanderthal shared a two-bedroom cave in pre-historic times with their two, smelly neanderthal children. This is about men's love of the HUNT and them showing off their skills with a knife, because back then, that was HOT. There was nothing more attractive to Mrs. Neanderthal than seeing her man come home with a great big boar thrown over his shoulder and then slaughtering it right then and there for them to eat. Cause, you know, food wasn't always around, so Mr. Neanderthal's ability to hunt and fish and then clean and cut up said animals was his greatest attribute. So, you know, they didn't DIE. Plus, there were no metrosexuals, so women based their attraction to their mates on their mad slaying and fileting skillz.
Now that we have food readily available though, it's just not as hot as it used to be...go figure.
DC Urban Dad said: How about shoes? Or okay, sex.
Most women love shoes. Some women love shoes a little bit too much. I love shoes, however, I do not spend a lot of money on them because I think that is a (gasp!) waste of money. I would much rather buy a killer pair of jeans or a new blouse than a pair of Jimmy Choos (not that I could EVER afford a pair of Jimmy Choos anyway). But I know there are some women a la Carrie Bradshaw who would choose to buy a pair of designer shoes over food for the week. Now, most men (the non-metrosexual variety) own a pair of dress shoes, a pair of sneakers and a pair of boots and are all set. But, for women (even me), there needs to be more available for different kinds of outfits, events and/or weather scenarios. So yes, men and women view this topic a little differently. The good thing about this is that men's lack of shoes leads to there being a lot more room in the closet for the woman's shoes. So this is one of those facts of life that helps maintain the delicate balance and homeostasis of the sexes.
Now as for sex...I say "YES PLEASE." Does that answer your question?
I hope I answered your questions sufficiently. Now, if you haven't already, head over to Captain Dumbass' crib and see what he has to say about these matters. Contrast, compare, laugh, and ponder, cause that's what this is all about! Remember to leave us a comment if you have a question and check back next week to see if it makes the list.
Thanks for joining us and peace out homies!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Everyone's a Critic
I fancy myself a pretty good singer. I'm not "American Idol Top 12" good, but I can carry a tune.
Well, while driving in the car today, I sang my daughter a beautiful version of "Put Your Records On" by Corinne Bailey Rae (since it was stuck in my head from last night's American Idol). When I was done my 2 1/2-year-old daughter took her thumb out of her mouth, looked at me in the rear-view mirror and said:
"Thank you Mommy."
I smiled. "Aw, for singing you a song?"
She shook her head fervently. "No, for stopping."
My face fell and I might have even pouted a little.
Tough crowd.
************************************************
At least I am not as bad as this guy...
Well, while driving in the car today, I sang my daughter a beautiful version of "Put Your Records On" by Corinne Bailey Rae (since it was stuck in my head from last night's American Idol). When I was done my 2 1/2-year-old daughter took her thumb out of her mouth, looked at me in the rear-view mirror and said:
"Thank you Mommy."
I smiled. "Aw, for singing you a song?"
She shook her head fervently. "No, for stopping."
My face fell and I might have even pouted a little.
Tough crowd.
************************************************
At least I am not as bad as this guy...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Way More Exciting Than the Oscars, Without Seth Rogen and James Franco
Hold on to your hats folks, because I am about to announcer the winners of the three giveaways I sponsored last week. Three lucky folks will be surfing away from my blog today as winners of a pair of shoes, a do-it-yourself photo book and a large, intimidating vibrator. Where else on the internet can you get that much diversity, really? Who knows what I will give away next week? Bongs? The Bumpit? A girl can only dream...
On to the winners.
(By the way, I used Random.org to choose the winners, but I don't know how to do that screenshot thingy and Jim used to tell me how to do that stuff, so I couldn't get you any proof that I did, indeed, go there and randomly choose a winner. So you're just gonna have to trust me. Having said that, all three winners just happen to be friends of mine, two actually in real life, so now I am really kicking myself that I didn't find out how to do the stupid screenshot. Fuck. Please don't hold an uprising and cry foul, OK? I swear on my dildo collection that these people won fair and square.)
OK, the winner of the See Kai Run Giveaway is...
Erica T.!
Erica is an old friend of mine from college and her daughter is just adorable! She chose the pair of Stella shoes from the See Kai Run line for her little girl and I know they are going to look just fabulous on her. Congratulations Erica!!
The winner of the Zoom Album Giveaway is...
My very own He Blogs, She Blogs partner in crime Captain Dumbass!
The Captain said that he would fill his album with pictures of his famous grilled cheese porn, inspired by me (don't ask, long story), so I am pretty stoked that he won. I am secretly hoping that he will then send me the book as a memento of our friendship, but that's just wishful thinking. Congrats my friend!
And finally, the winner of the EdenFantasys.com Giveaway and the proud owner of a BRAND NEW, ahem, Double Bunny Rotating Vibe Vibrator is...
Mel from Mommydoodles!
Some of you may know that Mel designed my blog and did a kick-ass job, and she is also my friend in real life. We went to high school together, so she knew me before I was the famous (yeah right) mom blogger that I am today. She also just had a baby four months ago so I think she is properly deserving of this fine piece of equipment. Congrats Mel, and enjoy *wink *wink.
So that's all she wrote friends. Congratulations to all the winners and be sure to keep your eyes and ears peeled for more giveaways, cause like I said, you never know what could be next...
You just might find yourself the proud owner of this:
You know you want it.
On to the winners.
(By the way, I used Random.org to choose the winners, but I don't know how to do that screenshot thingy and Jim used to tell me how to do that stuff, so I couldn't get you any proof that I did, indeed, go there and randomly choose a winner. So you're just gonna have to trust me. Having said that, all three winners just happen to be friends of mine, two actually in real life, so now I am really kicking myself that I didn't find out how to do the stupid screenshot. Fuck. Please don't hold an uprising and cry foul, OK? I swear on my dildo collection that these people won fair and square.)
OK, the winner of the See Kai Run Giveaway is...
Erica T.!
Erica is an old friend of mine from college and her daughter is just adorable! She chose the pair of Stella shoes from the See Kai Run line for her little girl and I know they are going to look just fabulous on her. Congratulations Erica!!
The winner of the Zoom Album Giveaway is...
My very own He Blogs, She Blogs partner in crime Captain Dumbass!
The Captain said that he would fill his album with pictures of his famous grilled cheese porn, inspired by me (don't ask, long story), so I am pretty stoked that he won. I am secretly hoping that he will then send me the book as a memento of our friendship, but that's just wishful thinking. Congrats my friend!
And finally, the winner of the EdenFantasys.com Giveaway and the proud owner of a BRAND NEW, ahem, Double Bunny Rotating Vibe Vibrator is...
Mel from Mommydoodles!
Some of you may know that Mel designed my blog and did a kick-ass job, and she is also my friend in real life. We went to high school together, so she knew me before I was the famous (yeah right) mom blogger that I am today. She also just had a baby four months ago so I think she is properly deserving of this fine piece of equipment. Congrats Mel, and enjoy *wink *wink.
So that's all she wrote friends. Congratulations to all the winners and be sure to keep your eyes and ears peeled for more giveaways, cause like I said, you never know what could be next...
You just might find yourself the proud owner of this:
You know you want it.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
(Almost) Wordless Wednesday: Atypical Sunday
This past Sunday, my husband actually stayed home with the family instead of working on our house. We had breakfast, went on a hike in the freezing rain with the dog and came back to the warm house to snuggle and drink hot chocolate. It was beautiful. A reminder of the way things used to be before we bought our money pit and moved in with my in-laws. A renewed memory of lazy Sundays as a family. Here is what it looked like:
I look forward to the day (hopefully) sometime soon when every Sunday can be like this one (perhaps minus the 30 lb toddler on my back--next time hubby gets the babypack).
It will all be worth it.
I look forward to the day (hopefully) sometime soon when every Sunday can be like this one (perhaps minus the 30 lb toddler on my back--next time hubby gets the babypack).
It will all be worth it.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Yes, I Would Jump Off a Cliff if My Friends Were Doing It
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Monday, February 23, 2009
He Blogs, She Blogs: The Next Generation
Welcome to a new era of He Blogs, She Blogs. Granted, the first era wasn't all that long, but hey, I am excited to start anew with my darling friend, Captain Dumbass from Us and Them, who is taking over for Jim from Irregularly Periodic Ruminations. We hope Jim will be back someday, but for now, I have the Captain and he will serve as a superb distraction. As you all know, the Captain won the blogging competition to earn the spot of "He" to my "She," so this week he gets to strut his stuff and show us all why you chose him. Don't worry, Captain, no pressure.
For anyone that hasn't had the "He Blogs, She Blogs" experience yet, we will be answering four questions posed by four different readers. You can read my womanly, intelligent and witty answers here, and then go on over to Us and Them to read Captain Dumbass' answers straight from his testosterone soaked, Canadian brain. Yes, he is Canadian. Don't hold it against him, OK? He's pretty damn awesome, even if he does say "aboot" and is addicted to grilled cheese porn (that last part is my fault anyway).
So today we are fielding questions from Jen from Sprite's Keeper, Christopher from Cajoh, Cat from Zipbag of Bones and Frogmama from Frogs in My Formula. These happen to be four of my favorite people in the blogosphere so I hope to make them proud with my femalerly answers. (Yes, I know that femalerly is not a word, blow me.) Enough of all the fanfare, on with the show. Please sit back, relax and return your tray tables to the upright position.
Jen from Sprite's Keeper said: Here's a question: Who is better at multi-tasking? Men or women?
I think the first question that needs to be answered here is "who is better at TASKING?" because that pretty much answers the second question. I don't know "aboot" you guys, but at my house the ladies (a.k.a. ME) take care of all the tasks that need to be done while the men sit around watching television and drinking beer. However, if you count scratching your balls and operating the remote control as multi-tasking, then my husband has it all locked up. Supposedly he gets a lot done at that place he goes to every day called "the office" and it is possible that he multi-tasks there, but I have never actually witnessed it, so for the sake of honesty, I can't actually say that he is capable of it. For me, I am a pretty slammin' multi-tasker, since I have two kids and I work from home. There have certainly been days when I have been forced to be working on the computer, with a screaming toddler in my lap while quizzing my 8-year-old on his spelling words. Then there's dinner time when I am cooking, doing dishes, ushering the 2-year-old out of the kitchen every two minutes or so, yelling at my husband to get the 2-year-old out of the kitchen, AND drinking a rather large glass of wine. So multi-tasking? I think I win. My theory behind the whole thing is that men's penises take too much blood away from their brain, thus making it difficult to think about more than one thing at one time. It's purely biological.
Christopher from Cajoh said: Here's a question: Does either of you have a partner that snores? I know I can sleep through a hurricane, but I know others can't sleep if the other snores. What words of advice do you have to those suffering sleep deprivation due to their partners' nose flute solos.
My husband does snore, but usually only when he is REALLY tired or has had a lot to drink. Back in the beginning of our relationship, I bought ear plugs to wear, but with two kids in the house, it's not all too wise to not be able to hear someone calling out in the middle of the night. So I devised the perfect solution to the problem a few years ago.
I kick him.
Works every time.
Cat from Zipbag of Bones said:![Gravatar]()
Love this idea. It's so...peace/love/understanding.
Hmmm. I would like to know what men REALLY think about cellulite. They say it isn't there (um, yeah it is), they say they can't see it anywhere (what are you, blind?), they say they like our real woman asses much better than all those smooth-assed celebrities (how is that possible?) - so I want to know the TRUTH about cottage cheese thighs.
Cat, you are in luck because I know the answer to this question. Men see cellulite. There is NO WAY IN HELL that they don't see it. However, if you have a good man, a man that likes his private areas the way they are, and a man who likes getting laid on a fairly regular basis, then he knows that this is SUCH a trick question. If we ask if they can see our cellulite, they know that if they say yes, we will devastated, even though WE know it's there and that almost every woman has it. Men don't want to hurt our feelings, especially if they love us or get to see our boobs. They also know that we will pout and not speak to them for anywhere from one hour to three days if they DIDN'T say that they liked "real" women asses more than celebrity air-brushed appendages. But ladies, this isn't a bad thing. Even though, deep down, these men do think that perfectly smooth thighs, buns and various other body parts are more aesthetically pleasing than our "cottage cheese" thighs, they are choosing to be with us, and since we are so FUCKING AWESOME, they don't care. I am pretty sure my husband would rather have my cottage cheese thighs wrapped around his waist than be looking at an airbrushed photo of Heidi Klum (that bitch that has perfect everything after having two children, whatthefuckisupwiththat?). What matters is that we make them feel hot, and we are REAL. And they love us. So they pretend not to see it and tell us we're beautiful. And you know what? I believe it.
Frogmama from Frogs in My Formula said:![Gravatar]()
I wanna know why men are such lazy, slovenly pigs who think farting, burping and BO are funny traits to pass along to their children?
Boys have different wiring than girls. It's as simple as that. And men are simply large, overgrown, hairy boys who still think almost exactly the same way that they did when they were 9 years old. Nothing was funnier to them back then than ripping off an SBD or burping the alphabet, and honestly, it's still funny to them now. Now imagine that they have their own little miniature versions of themselves--what is funnier than teaching them the tricks of the trade and watching them follow in their flatulent, stinky shoes? Apparently, not much. Personally, I hope to pass along my love of literature and sense of humor, but who's to judge? As long as my husband also teaches them to take out the trash (which I must admit he does beautifully), then I am OK with the other stuff.
But really, it is a little bit funny, isn't it ladies?
So now head on over to Captain Dumbass and read what he has to say on these matters. Give him some love and congratulate him on his first week of He Blogs, She Blogs. Then come back next week for more awesomeness. Don't forget that next month we have guest posters Steenky Bee and Cajoh filling in for us, but please pretend that you aren't just secretly waiting for Jen to take over for me because she is so much cooler than I am.
Thanks; I appreciate your sensitivity.I knew there was a reason I kept you people around.
For anyone that hasn't had the "He Blogs, She Blogs" experience yet, we will be answering four questions posed by four different readers. You can read my womanly, intelligent and witty answers here, and then go on over to Us and Them to read Captain Dumbass' answers straight from his testosterone soaked, Canadian brain. Yes, he is Canadian. Don't hold it against him, OK? He's pretty damn awesome, even if he does say "aboot" and is addicted to grilled cheese porn (that last part is my fault anyway).
So today we are fielding questions from Jen from Sprite's Keeper, Christopher from Cajoh, Cat from Zipbag of Bones and Frogmama from Frogs in My Formula. These happen to be four of my favorite people in the blogosphere so I hope to make them proud with my femalerly answers. (Yes, I know that femalerly is not a word, blow me.) Enough of all the fanfare, on with the show. Please sit back, relax and return your tray tables to the upright position.
Jen from Sprite's Keeper said: Here's a question: Who is better at multi-tasking? Men or women?
I think the first question that needs to be answered here is "who is better at TASKING?" because that pretty much answers the second question. I don't know "aboot" you guys, but at my house the ladies (a.k.a. ME) take care of all the tasks that need to be done while the men sit around watching television and drinking beer. However, if you count scratching your balls and operating the remote control as multi-tasking, then my husband has it all locked up. Supposedly he gets a lot done at that place he goes to every day called "the office" and it is possible that he multi-tasks there, but I have never actually witnessed it, so for the sake of honesty, I can't actually say that he is capable of it. For me, I am a pretty slammin' multi-tasker, since I have two kids and I work from home. There have certainly been days when I have been forced to be working on the computer, with a screaming toddler in my lap while quizzing my 8-year-old on his spelling words. Then there's dinner time when I am cooking, doing dishes, ushering the 2-year-old out of the kitchen every two minutes or so, yelling at my husband to get the 2-year-old out of the kitchen, AND drinking a rather large glass of wine. So multi-tasking? I think I win. My theory behind the whole thing is that men's penises take too much blood away from their brain, thus making it difficult to think about more than one thing at one time. It's purely biological.
Christopher from Cajoh said: Here's a question: Does either of you have a partner that snores? I know I can sleep through a hurricane, but I know others can't sleep if the other snores. What words of advice do you have to those suffering sleep deprivation due to their partners' nose flute solos.
My husband does snore, but usually only when he is REALLY tired or has had a lot to drink. Back in the beginning of our relationship, I bought ear plugs to wear, but with two kids in the house, it's not all too wise to not be able to hear someone calling out in the middle of the night. So I devised the perfect solution to the problem a few years ago.
I kick him.
Works every time.
Cat from Zipbag of Bones said:
Hmmm. I would like to know what men REALLY think about cellulite. They say it isn't there (um, yeah it is), they say they can't see it anywhere (what are you, blind?), they say they like our real woman asses much better than all those smooth-assed celebrities (how is that possible?) - so I want to know the TRUTH about cottage cheese thighs.
Cat, you are in luck because I know the answer to this question. Men see cellulite. There is NO WAY IN HELL that they don't see it. However, if you have a good man, a man that likes his private areas the way they are, and a man who likes getting laid on a fairly regular basis, then he knows that this is SUCH a trick question. If we ask if they can see our cellulite, they know that if they say yes, we will devastated, even though WE know it's there and that almost every woman has it. Men don't want to hurt our feelings, especially if they love us or get to see our boobs. They also know that we will pout and not speak to them for anywhere from one hour to three days if they DIDN'T say that they liked "real" women asses more than celebrity air-brushed appendages. But ladies, this isn't a bad thing. Even though, deep down, these men do think that perfectly smooth thighs, buns and various other body parts are more aesthetically pleasing than our "cottage cheese" thighs, they are choosing to be with us, and since we are so FUCKING AWESOME, they don't care. I am pretty sure my husband would rather have my cottage cheese thighs wrapped around his waist than be looking at an airbrushed photo of Heidi Klum (that bitch that has perfect everything after having two children, whatthefuckisupwiththat?). What matters is that we make them feel hot, and we are REAL. And they love us. So they pretend not to see it and tell us we're beautiful. And you know what? I believe it.
Frogmama from Frogs in My Formula said:
Boys have different wiring than girls. It's as simple as that. And men are simply large, overgrown, hairy boys who still think almost exactly the same way that they did when they were 9 years old. Nothing was funnier to them back then than ripping off an SBD or burping the alphabet, and honestly, it's still funny to them now. Now imagine that they have their own little miniature versions of themselves--what is funnier than teaching them the tricks of the trade and watching them follow in their flatulent, stinky shoes? Apparently, not much. Personally, I hope to pass along my love of literature and sense of humor, but who's to judge? As long as my husband also teaches them to take out the trash (which I must admit he does beautifully), then I am OK with the other stuff.
But really, it is a little bit funny, isn't it ladies?
So now head on over to Captain Dumbass and read what he has to say on these matters. Give him some love and congratulate him on his first week of He Blogs, She Blogs. Then come back next week for more awesomeness. Don't forget that next month we have guest posters Steenky Bee and Cajoh filling in for us, but please pretend that you aren't just secretly waiting for Jen to take over for me because she is so much cooler than I am.
Thanks; I appreciate your sensitivity.I knew there was a reason I kept you people around.
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Grand Finale: EdenFantasys.com Review and Giveaway (Adults Only) And Please Joe, Look Away...
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The Giveaway Spree Continues: Zoom Album Review and Giveaway!
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click here to view the post.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
(Almost) Wordless Wednesday: Like Mother, Like Daughter
I think she's starting a blog.Happy Wordless Wednesday everyone!
Don't forget to come back tomorrow for my Zoom Albums review and giveaway!
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