Tuesday, May 5, 2009

She's Lucky She's Cute

I am having one of those days. You know those days where nothing goes right, and you drop everything you pick up and you literally feel like crying over everything? Yeah, that's today.

The main culprit behind this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day is my adorable, sweet, little bundle of 3-year-old joy. Otherwise known as the "formerly adorable, sweet bundle of joy" because now she just simply goes by a symbol that looks like a giant, evil, gothic 3 due to the fact that there are no words to describe how relentlessly demanding she is lately. She doesn't listen. She laughs at me when I discipline her. She pulls all the DVDs out, tears up paper and strews it all over the room and screams at me for snacks and chocolate milk at regular intervals. I am pretty sure that someone came down from some other galaxy and took my child, replacing her with this maniacal toddler whom I do not recognize. I'm not sure what avenues I will need to go through to get this sorted out, I am pretty sure there is no Alien Abduction Child Task Force, but all I know is that if it doesn't get cleared up pretty soon, I might just have to be committed. Actually, being committed sounds pretty good right about now. Imagine all the work I could get done in a quiet, white, padded cell...

So if anyone knows of how I can get my child back, please forward me the appropriate information so I can nip this in the bud.

Everyone told me that 3 was worse than 2. I didn't believe them. I scoffed and thought there was no way my perfect little angel would miraculously change overnight on her 3rd birthday. But as one of my friends put it "Whoever said 2 was worse than 3 didn't let their child see their 3rd birthday." Because I swear, as soon as her 3rd birthday loomed around the corner, I saw something change in the twinkle of her eye and there were little hints that something big was about to happen. I admit it, I was still in denial. I had lots of excuses. "It's just because she is excited about her birthday," "It's because her allergies are bothering her," and "Maybe it's the change of the seasons." I was wrong. Oh, how wrong I was.

I'm hoping we make it through the day. If you see smoke signals coming from the general direction of the Northeast, just be aware that it is probably me, desperate for some respite from the horriffic harrassment I am enduring from my toddler. And, please, if you have a 2-year-old, do yourself a favor and prepare yourself for the 3rd birthday. Put away all the sharp instruments, get some Xanax and hire a baby sitter. Seriously, you will thank me for it later.