Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Puppies Are Cute And They Don't Make Your Ass Any Bigger

Yesterday two momentous things happened in one day that made me want to laugh and cry simultaneously. First, my daughter and I visited the preschool where she will be going two times a week for four hours come September. And second, my 3-year-old aquatic prodigy started swimming all on her own, without the aid of any kind of flotation device.

I am thinking that this means one of two things:

1. We need to have another baby because my baby is growing up too fast.

2. It's time to close up the uterus, get the two kids jobs and start planning for retirement.

Most likely scenario # 1 is going to win out since I am only (almost) 30, and I don't think I am ready to give up on dreams of another tiny, snuggly little poop machine. We're not ready for it right at this moment, but I think it is only a matter of time before I will start feeling phantom
baby kicks and the urge to have a baby take up residence again as I watch my first baby start to look at colleges and consider a career in medicine. Seriously, have I told you how smart she is? It's a little scary. I am expecting her to start preschool and come home reading and writing poetry and prose on the second day and then she won't need me for anything anymore.

First she wipes her own ass. Then she's writing dissertations. It's inevitable.

But, all joking aside, I am so incredibly proud of my little girl and all her achievements. I just wish it would slow down just a little bit.

Yesterday my 9-year-old stepson occupied himself by putting tiny water balloons in my 3-year-old's bathing suit to make her look like a little, miniature Pamela Anderson and I just about had a heart attack. She pranced around, swinging her hips and embracing her newfound curves, and I knew I was in so much trouble. Then he put them in the butt of her suit and you know what she said? "Look, I have a momma butt!"

Cute. Heh.

So I figure since I can't do anything to stop this growing up thing, the best I can do is enjoy all these new accomplishments with her, and consider having another baby to prolong the death of babyhood in the family. But then I look at my "momma butt" and I have second thoughts.

Maybe we should just get a puppy...