Dear 8 and 9-Year-Old Boys Who Came To My Son's Sleepover Party Saturday Night,
Thank you for making me realize that my son may not be the worst behaved kid everywhere we go, and for making me appreciate the silence and lack of complete chaos and fear of setting anything on fire after you left. Please remind me if I ever offer to have a sleepover ever again that you are all absolutely out of control, inappropriate, rude, disgusting, and obnoxious, and either urge me to rescind the invitation or invest in ear plugs, a large amount of Xanax and sleeping pills.
Oh yeah, and thanks for coming.
Big Boy's Mom (you know, the woman with glasses that you paid absolutely no attention to on Saturday night)
P.S. This does not apply to you, Sam, the well-behaved boy who was mild-mannered, polite and sweet and made me and my husband laugh, as well as knew a lot about baseball and made us want to adopt you. You, we would like to see again. We're willing to sweeten up the deal if you would spend more time with our son and rub off on him a bit. Thanks a bunch.