Monday, July 27, 2009

Summer, Where Are You Going? Get Back Here...

Is anyone else incredulous that it is going to be August in a mere four days? I mean, really, where did the summer go? I am freaking out about the fact that in just over a month, it is going to be time to send my stepson to third grade and my 3-year-old to (GULP) pre-school. There is school shopping to be done, schedules to get back on track and anxieties to be soothed (specifically mine). I am not sure about this whole "letting go" concept and have severely mixed emotions about sending my baby off to be taken care of by strangers. She has never been to day care and never looked after by anyone other than family, so this is going to be a big transition for her. And especially for mommy.

I know she will be fine. She is dying to go and talks every day about going to school. She regularly gets her Dora The Explorer backpack on and tells me "today's the day to go to school." But my heart sinks every time I think about dropping her off with her little backpack and having to drive away home, without her. But another part of me is thrilled to have a few hours a week to be able to get work done without the constant toddler chatter in my ear and the ever present sounds of various cartoon characters on television in the background. I may actually get to sit in silence and work without interruption, and that is a beautiful thing.

But what if she doesn't like it? What if there is a mean kid in her class that takes her toys and pulls her hair and she cries for me, and I am not there? Intellectually, I know that these are all things that every small child may deal with in their first experiences at school, but emotionally, it terrifies me. Right now I am the one to kiss her boo-boos and hug her when she is sad. She relies on me for everything from taking her to the potty to getting her something to drink. And soon I will be passing those responsibilities over to someone else that I do not know. Can I go with her? Please?

They might just have to forcibly remove me from the room on the first day. And maybe on the second too. However, on the third day, I might--just might--go get some coffee and work on getting over it--totally alone.

Yes, that might be nice.