Thursday, April 16, 2009

She Goes Both Ways

Today's post is focused around another awesome article from SEXIS magazine over at This one is my personal favorite, for it hits close to home for me. The title of the article is She Goes Both Ways: Women and Bisexuality. So your next question is obviously going to be: "Are you bisexual?" And the answer to that question is a loud and resounding maybe.

Don't like that answer do you? Ha, well, I am sorry to tell you that there are so many stops along the way on the sexuality scale that is is hard to define sometimes. Especially with women, so many of us are open to sexual experiences with different sexes, without necessarily considering ourselves "gay" or "bisexual."That's what this article is all about.

The author does a really great job at explaining how women view sexuality, and that it is not always about whether you have a penis or a vagina. In my case, for instance, I have had relationships with women in the past. However, I am not attracted to every good looking woman that I see, quite the opposite actually. I am attracted to the person, the whole package, and sometimes that person isn't traditionally beautiful or sexy. In contrast, with men, I am usually attracted to the traditional definition of the "sex symbol" such as Brad Pitt or Robert Pattinson, and it doesn't really matter what's "inside" if you know what I mean. It's like with one sex I am playing chess and the other checkers. A totally different game, one much more complex and complicated, so I don't like to play it every day. Let's just say I have been known to play game after game of checkers, but I am still figuring out how to play the game of chess.

So since I am bisexual, I must love threesomes, huh? Yeah, my husband wishes. As the author points out, just because a woman is open to sex with other women, it does not mean that she is automatically into group sex or that she loves to have sex with women for men's enjoyment. This is a fantasy that all men have, and they so want it to be true. But I am sorry to say guys, it is not. Do some bisexual women like group sex? Absolutely. But certainly not all. And many of us (such as myself) have a preference for one sex and choose that sex over the other to settle down in a monogamous relationship. Or they meet the "perfect" individual for them, regardless of sex, and choose them for the rest of their lives. And just like there are some heterosexual and homosexual individuals who decide to be promiscuous and never settle down, there are bisexuals who do so as well. Different strokes for different folks. It takes all walks of life to fill this little village we call a planet.

Finally, the author goes over how difficult it can be for bisexuals in society. Gays criticize, saying that women are just "curious" or that they are just not "out of the closet" yet. Traditional society thinks it's strange and not quite accepted. So where does that leave all the women out there that aren't ready to choose their genitalia preference? Well, it leaves them with an intense need to be confident in who they are, and pay no attention to the closed minded people who believe you have to be one way or the other. That's not always easy, but it's worth it in the end. Life is hard enough as it is, and finding love and companionship is a struggle we all have to endure. But being true to yourself and open to love in all its forms is the key to finding what you need, whether it be marriage, an open relationship or just a series of partners who teach you about who are you and what you enjoy.

Go read the article. It's good. And it just may open your eyes to a lifestyle that you never understood, or one that you always thought might be for you. Whatever you do, go with your eyes and heart open, and don't let your preconceived definitions of love and sex cloud your judgement. Love is love, people. Embrace it in all its forms.

While you are over there, check out some other articles and sex tips at SEXIS. It's a great site for breaking open the taboo topics without making it dirty or uncomfortable. Join in on the forum discussions and get answers to questions you have been pondering, and you might just learn something new.